UnknownGuy1990 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 3 years, (I'm 23 she is 21) and I still feel like I can't trust her. She isn't doing anything wrong, nor is she showing any signs of infidelity. However, I'm very paranoid when it comes to love, I'm scared of having a kid, and I'm frightened of the idea of marriage. I always find myself getting depressed when I read stories of infidelity here on this site. I find it difficult to actually trust her or any other girl, with my heart. It's painful to even allow myself to show her too much vulnerability. I just don't want to get comfortable because I know she's going to cheat on me one day. I can't let my guard down with her, I'm always constantly looking over my back. It gets exhausting and it hurts sometimes --because I hate myself for being this way-- but this is the way I am, I have to protect myself. I was even thinking of making a fake Facebook page with pictures of an attractive man, and chatting with her to see if she bites. It's just this underlying curiosity I have to see if she would do something behind my back. But whatever, it's just a thought I have. Anyway, does anyone have these fears of their SO? If so, how do you keep yourself from going crazy?
TigerCub Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I feel terrible for this girl. She hasn't done anything in those 3 years together for you to actually doubt her, but you're suspicious of her and won't actually open up to her fully. I get cynical from all the depressing stories too, but in all honesty, a good person that has never done anything to hurt or betray you doesn't deserve to be treated like they did anything wrong, or to have a half committed partner, just because you are afraid of what you think they MIGHT do. I think you should either see a therapist and learn how to deal with your cynicism & paranoia, or you should leave her so that she can be free to find someone that will treat her based on the person she is, not the person he fears she might turn into.
Author UnknownGuy1990 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 A part of me wants to one day move in with her and have kids (later). Another part of me is saying what's the point? I'm going to be paranoid no matter what romantic relationship I get into for the rest of my life. I can't leave her, if I do ill go back to my suicidal thoughts
TigerCub Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 A part of me wants to one day move in with her and have kids (later). Another part of me is saying what's the point? I'm going to be paranoid no matter what romantic relationship I get into for the rest of my life. I can't leave her, if I do ill go back to my suicidal thoughts Then see a therapist and deal with your issues Don't you want to get better for you and also be able to offer her the best you you can be? We all have issues and are all have baggage, it's up to us to decide to deal with it' , or to just ignore it and play the victim.
karnak Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Trust me when I say this... This I learned from over 30 years of living in this planet: * A good and decent person will always remain a good and decent person, regardless of how many tons of **** the world pours over her. He/She can do a stupid thing one time or another, but it will be exceptions and that person, due to their good nature will try to right their own wrongs. * A bad and dishonest person will always remain so, regardless of the times he or she try to correct their nature. Alas, they probably will never try to correct themselves, since bad people usually think they're superior to others in some way. So, if you have proof that your girl is a good person, stop being afraid. Fear will only destroy your life. 1
Author UnknownGuy1990 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Trust me when I say this... This I learned from over 30 years of living in this planet: * A good and decent person will always remain a good and decent person, regardless of how many tons of **** the world pours over her. He/She can do a stupid thing one time or another, but it will be exceptions and that person, due to their good nature will try to right their own wrongs. * A bad and dishonest person will always remain so, regardless of the times he or she try to correct their nature. Alas, they probably will never try to correct themselves, since bad people usually think they're superior to others in some way. So, if you have proof that your girl is a good person, stop being afraid. Fear will only destroy your life. I slightly disagree, Some people don't classify infidelity as something that only a terrible person would do. Some people have urges and they will act upon them. I personally think it's terrible but I'm just saying, everyone's thought process is different. I've also known people who were good/honest, until someone screwed them over. Honestly, I'm one of those people, and if you want to judge me go ahead. However, shoveling other people's **** for your whole life can make a person quite bitter, jaded, resentful, and develop the unwillingness to trust. I have far too many demons inside of me, but I refuse to believe that this is all I am, and this is all i'll ever be.
karnak Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I've also known people who were good/honest, until someone screwed them over. Honestly, I'm one of those people, and if you want to judge me go ahead. However, shoveling other people's **** for your whole life can make a person quite bitter, jaded, resentful, and develop the unwillingness to trust. I have far too many demons inside of me, but I refuse to believe that this is all I am, and this is all i'll ever be. And have you done to others the same wrongs that were done to you?
Author UnknownGuy1990 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 And have you done to others the same wrongs that were done to you? Not the same wrongs, but I have done plenty of wrongs in my life.
serial muse Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Not the same wrongs, but I have done plenty of wrongs in my life. Well, have you ever cheated on anyone?
Author UnknownGuy1990 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Well, have you ever cheated on anyone? Nope, never.
Harlequin_Dog Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 So, i'm guessing that you have been cheated on in the past then? Are past experiences and pains coloring your current relationship? Also, on the bad thoughts you get when separated from your partner- please do heavily consider therapy or medication. That is not something to be taken lightly. At all.
Author UnknownGuy1990 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) So, i'm guessing that you have been cheated on in the past then? Are past experiences and pains coloring your current relationship? Also, on the bad thoughts you get when separated from your partner- please do heavily consider therapy or medication. That is not something to be taken lightly. At all. Well this is my story... When I was younger I was socially awkward. My father was verbally abusive towards my family and he put alot of pressure on me. I use to get bullied in middle school, I use to get jumped in my neighborhood, I was hated by everyone in school because I didn't speak to anyone. Later I went to high school, I started out socially awkward there too. However, my high school was very dangerous at the time and I knew I couldn't let people push me around there. So I started getting into fights in the hallway, and throwing stuff at people while started trouble with me. Throughout High school, I never had 1 girlfriend. I stayed away from women, I shrugged them away, middle school embedded a prospective I have of women till this very day. As things got worst in my home life, I started getting more reckless. I because an alcoholic at 17, and a pothead at the same time. Girls would seem interested in me, some would compliment me, and I would give them rude responses because I knew their endearment wasn't genuine. After high school, I met this girl who I really began to like. Only problem was, she lived 9 hours from me. I met her because I was friends with her cousin and she was visiting. We talked for months, she became the first girl who actually meant something to me, and she liked me back. When I asked her if we could take it to another level, she said she wasn't ready. 2 weeks later I found out she was going out with some guy, I was crushed. After that a spoke to a few girls here and there and even dated a few, no big deal. A year later, we started talking again (she broke up with her boyfriend). This time around we we're more serious, she even said she was in love at one point. When she came to visit again, I asked her out again. This time she said she didn't want to ruin our friendship and started crying. I got so furious, I just left. She texted me, and called me, but I didn't answer. Eventually we started talking again and she told me she wanted to remain friends. I told her, "OK, but don't expect to hear from me again, I don't want to speak to you anymore". She eventually got a new boyfriend. Later that same year I met my current girlfriend. At first I didn't like her because she was so quiet, but my friend convinced me to give her another chance. And soon enough, we began to click. We've been together ever since. However, my demons from the past still haunt me. I've seen a psychotherapist and I've taken medicine, and they've helped me to no avail. My head begins to tell me things like, "She's too good for you", "She's too good to be true", "She's only been with you, soon she's gonna want to try other men". Sometimes it's like I want her to cheat on me, that way I can prove myself right smh. I've never hit my girl, but we have had alot of arguments because of this. I can't imagine being completely comfortable with a woman. I can t even imagine life without her. My girlfriend hasn't even met my friends because of my fear that they might hit on her. I also don't allow her to hang out with guys. If she has guy friends in school that she speaks to, I tell her I don't want to know about them. Although I have my demons, I support her through everything. I've met her friends, I hung out with her family. I take care of her when she's sick, She's the first girl I brought home to my mother. I try to make her laugh whenever She's sad. I know I'm a "good" boyfriend, but I know I can never be the "best" boyfriend I could possibly be and that really sucks... Edited August 18, 2013 by UnknownGuy1990
Author UnknownGuy1990 Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Trust me when I say this... This I learned from over 30 years of living in this planet: * A good and decent person will always remain a good and decent person, regardless of how many tons of **** the world pours over her. He/She can do a stupid thing one time or another, but it will be exceptions and that person, due to their good nature will try to right their own wrongs. * A bad and dishonest person will always remain so, regardless of the times he or she try to correct their nature. Alas, they probably will never try to correct themselves, since bad people usually think they're superior to others in some way. So, if you have proof that your girl is a good person, stop being afraid. Fear will only destroy your life. It already has, I can't imagine life with out anxiety or pain.
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