Stefanie Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I'm not a big party-goer or club rat and I've never met any of my boyfriends through 'normal' courtships. I'll explain my situation and hope that someone can give me an idea of this guy's intentions? Went out last night with the girls and thought I'd try talking to this cute guy on the dance floor. I told him his shirt was nice and he took the cue to start 'chatting me up'. It was the usual, light conversation, like: what are you studying, where are you from, etc. Wasn't long before we were making out right then and there, near the DJ. Now, I've never kissed a stranger before, but I know that typically, no one expects anything more to come out of these things. He told me I was cute, pulled out his phone and had me type my number in. I was still skeptical at this point, waiting for him to say, "nice to meet you" and walk off. However, he stuck with me for the rest of the night, danced with me, kissed me some more and his arm never left my waist (and sometimes my bottom). He had to go ask his mates when they were leaving and even then, he came back to find me after and pull me aside from my friends. After a while, I noticed my friends had gone back to the bar or to sit down. I decided I should go look for them so I told him that I had to go. He gave me a quick smooch and that was that. When I got home at around 4 in the morning, I saw his text telling me that he's sorry he had to go and that he hoped I got home safe. I reciprocated something along the same lines and went to bed. This afternoon, after catching up on some Zs, we started a long, slow text conversation. There were a few innuendos and flirtatious jokes, but we didn't really build up any strong rapport. I did notice however, that he was very happy to tell me about his day without asking. At the end of the night, I slyly mentioned that I'd like to see his smile again soon. He said he'd like to see me too and we said goodnight. Am I crazy for thinking he might be interested in more than just a fling or hooking up? I'm wondering if the sexual tension will die down eventually when he sees I'm not interested in just 'getting some'. N.B: It probably seems like I'm over-thinking things but as an Asian who's mainly attracted to Caucasian men I always get worried about how I'm viewed. Anyone who knows me can tell I'm just like any other Aussie girl so I hope he can see me the same way and not just some exotic experience.
StanMusial Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I'm not a big party-goer or club rat and I've never met any of my boyfriends through 'normal' courtships. I'll explain my situation and hope that someone can give me an idea of this guy's intentions? Went out last night with the girls and thought I'd try talking to this cute guy on the dance floor. I told him his shirt was nice and he took the cue to start 'chatting me up'. It was the usual, light conversation, like: what are you studying, where are you from, etc. Wasn't long before we were making out right then and there, near the DJ. Now, I've never kissed a stranger before, but I know that typically, no one expects anything more to come out of these things. He told me I was cute, pulled out his phone and had me type my number in. I was still skeptical at this point, waiting for him to say, "nice to meet you" and walk off. However, he stuck with me for the rest of the night, danced with me, kissed me some more and his arm never left my waist (and sometimes my bottom). He had to go ask his mates when they were leaving and even then, he came back to find me after and pull me aside from my friends. After a while, I noticed my friends had gone back to the bar or to sit down. I decided I should go look for them so I told him that I had to go. He gave me a quick smooch and that was that. When I got home at around 4 in the morning, I saw his text telling me that he's sorry he had to go and that he hoped I got home safe. I reciprocated something along the same lines and went to bed. This afternoon, after catching up on some Zs, we started a long, slow text conversation. There were a few innuendos and flirtatious jokes, but we didn't really build up any strong rapport. I did notice however, that he was very happy to tell me about his day without asking. At the end of the night, I slyly mentioned that I'd like to see his smile again soon. He said he'd like to see me too and we said goodnight. Am I crazy for thinking he might be interested in more than just a fling or hooking up? I'm wondering if the sexual tension will die down eventually when he sees I'm not interested in just 'getting some'. N.B: It probably seems like I'm over-thinking things but as an Asian who's mainly attracted to Caucasian men I always get worried about how I'm viewed. Anyone who knows me can tell I'm just like any other Aussie girl so I hope he can see me the same way and not just some exotic experience. Based on my experience, and this information, I would estimate the chances of any sort of meaningful relationship here at roughly 14.07%.
Author Stefanie Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Based on my experience, and this information, I would estimate the chances of any sort of meaningful relationship here at roughly 14.07%. I appreciate your honesty. Being pragmatic, I'm not expecting a Hollywood romance.
Menina Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I appreciate your honesty. Being pragmatic, I'm not expecting a Hollywood romance. I met this guy at a bar and had a one night stand...talk about killing the chances of a future relationship right? Fast forward five months, we're still seeing each other and enjoying each other's company. It's true that we still haven't talked about what kind of relationship we're having - mainly because I just broke up with my ex when I met him, though based on how he and his friends act and talk to me I guess we can qualify as dating, but the thing is that I never expected this to last as long as it is lasting and to evolve into something way more than sex. There are some stupid dating rules and misconceptions about how you should not have sex on the first date, how one night stands don't work, how men should be pursuers'and/or just looking for sex, how women who pursue are pushy, how if you meet someone in a bar it wont work, et al. But human relationships are complex and if two persons are attracted to each other it can work regardless of how they met. My advice is that if you like this guy just keep enjoying going out and don't stress much about it. Don't assume that he will just want you for sex but be aware that it may be a possibility, just wait and see how it goes but don't think that nothing good and lasting can't cme out of this. 1
Author Stefanie Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Thanks for the answer. I agree, I hate that dating is much like a 'game' now and there are 'rules' and pre-conceived ideas ruining our moments and opportunities. I'm sitting here thinking: "oh, I can't text him because he has to text me first" and "he could be either busy today or not interested in talking to me anymore", etc. It's dumb. I wish we could just be honest and not fear rejection or hurting our pride. I'm glad your situation turned out alright. Some people even get married after one-night stands, but I'm only 20 and can't even think of that right now. Is it possible that guys will go to extreme lengths such as a few dates just to get in your pants?
Menina Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 It possible that guys will go to extreme lengths such as a few dates just to get in your pants? Oh yes, when I was your age I used to "date" this guy who will wrote me poems and be all romantic but will only call me late at night, I was basically his booty call. It is possible for both men and women to date just for sex, after all you do want to keep the other person interested. In my experience I can see the signs early (late night calls, wanting to go down to business quickly in dates, not letting you stay at his/her house, etc) but if being a **** buddy is something that you want to avoid and if you're seeing signs that the relationship is headed towards that way, you should talk to him about it and see how he reacts. I know that it is intimidating having that talk because you don't want to scare him away or make him think that you want something way serious, but if he's interested in something more with you he won't have a problem with that and if he does ....NEXT! About the dating games and rules, I seriously got tired of it, the rules that worked with some guys didn't worked with others and it messed up my mind (waiting 3 days to call him when all I want to do is talk to him? Ugh). I realized that men (sorry for the generalization) are pretty blunt and mostly hate or avoid any type of games, they just want you to be honest and if something bothers you they want to know. I also realized that if I'm honest it's worth the risk of losing someone, because I want to know where we're standing. I just threw the rules out the window and now I just communicate with my partner, it's way more easier and better for both. 1
Author Stefanie Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 I totally agree on the games. Generally, I call it being honest, but not telling the whole truth. I'm afraid of seeming more interested than the guy is. A little update: This evening I decided to see if he'd respond to a text. He did, and we had another slow conversation. But again, he seemed very interested and asked lots of questions, as slow as his replies were. Similarly to last night though, he took a few hours to respond but explained himself. His replies even got a bit quicker after that. Still, the lengths a guy could go to for sex can be alarming. I just can't tell with this one.
Lansing Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 In this situation, I know you are probably flattered by the attention, but, I really would leave it up to the guy to lead and you can gauge his interest a bit more. He definitely isn't shy (making out with you, grabbing your butt, etc). My gutt feeling is that he is just attracted to you. He has no basis to want to have a "Relationship" with you as he knows nothing about you. Figure out when you talk to him/see him if YOU want to have a relationship with him vs. spending so much energy figuring out if he wants you for more than a booty call.
Versacehottie Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Yes as said above, regardless of how a couple meets, it can work. You could totally have a normal relationship with a guy you met at a club. I know several examples. Just see where it goes. I don't think a guy would go to so much trouble texting a lot about just random stuff to have a booty call in the future. They would just booty call when ready LOL. I typically believe: LEVEL OF EFFORT = LEVEL OF INTEREST That said, I wouldn't keep the text game (or phone calls for that matter) going on for too long. If you are interested in dating him, make sure that he/you set something up for near future. If you become "too close/too familiar" via texting/phone, then the date sometimes is not exciting. Plus you are also setting the standard for what you expect and want...There's also a chance if you let him believe that only texting you is sufficient, a booty call may be in your future. I think sometimes--a lot of times--people start things and don't necessarily KNOW where they want to take it. It's the nature of the interactions and standards, etc that direct the course of where something goes. ie if he is getting to know you with relatively little effort, he may not be inclined to put more effort in. Set the standard based on what you want. Like if you want a date, don't allow he all the access he wants through text. It's not playing games but at this time he's not you're whole world just a tiny part of that so he has to put in more effort to get more of your time...See... I do think so far, so good with your situation. Let us know how it goes! 2
scorpiogirl Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 While clubs don't always mean a quality crow (lol) I'd say just take where you met out of the equation. My cousin met her now husband in a club. They're together over 20 years now He night be a good guy, he might not. Just stick to your values, whatever they are. I'm not Asian but I do live in Asia, and I see what you're talking about with men dating local girls for the "experience" they think comes with it. He might be that or he may not but you sound like you're sensible and can avoid getting into a bad situation. Yes people will go to any lengths for sex sometimes. A guy dated me for 4 months with no sex and I thought he was for real. We were in a good place. His attention did a 180 as soon as he was done. Sometimes it's just about the challenge. Good luck
Knoxpwns Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Thanks for the answer. I agree, I hate that dating is much like a 'game' now and there are 'rules' and pre-conceived ideas ruining our moments and opportunities. I'm sitting here thinking: "oh, I can't text him because he has to text me first" and "he could be either busy today or not interested in talking to me anymore", etc. It's dumb. I wish we could just be honest and not fear rejection or hurting our pride. I'm glad your situation turned out alright. Some people even get married after one-night stands, but I'm only 20 and can't even think of that right now. Is it possible that guys will go to extreme lengths such as a few dates just to get in your pants? There are women who hate "the game"?!?! /HeadExplode
Author Stefanie Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 A guy dated me for 4 months with no sex and I thought he was for real. We were in a good place. His attention did a 180 as soon as he was done. Holy ****, that is the most extreme case I've ever heard. On the other hand, it's possible you guys were emotionally compatible but not as much sexually? It's scary how much some guys prioritise sex. Thanks for everyone's advice. I'm trying to avoid over-analysing and just letting things play out however they do. I guess I'm just one of those people who needs a somewhat certain future or plan and I get anxious at the risk of getting hurt. This is all quite out of my comfort zone but I wanted to try something new and learn to be more carefree about dating. 1
Author Stefanie Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 There are women who hate "the game"?!?! /HeadExplode I know, it's hard to believe. But somehow we still feel like we have to play along.
StanMusial Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Realistically, all you can do is wait for him to ask you out. Has he even asked you for a date yet? I mean a proper date, not "let's hook up at da club" type of deal. And yes, as a guy I can tell you we go to great lengths for some sex.
Author Stefanie Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Has he even asked you for a date yet? I mean a proper date, not "let's hook up at da club" type of deal. I only met him on the weekend, so he's only mentioned that he'd like to see me again, but no specifics. While we were at the club, he asked if I was attending the upcoming music festival. If he were to ask me to meet him at the club before a proper date, I'd turn him down. I am not going to offer myself up on a platter. The only reason I assume he has good intentions is because our conversations seem very genuine. I'm not sure if this guy could be a brilliant actor or not but I guess that's a risk I have to take.
Babolat Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I only met him on the weekend, so he's only mentioned that he'd like to see me again, but no specifics. While we were at the club, he asked if I was attending the upcoming music festival. If he were to ask me to meet him at the club before a proper date, I'd turn him down. I am not going to offer myself up on a platter. The only reason I assume he has good intentions is because our conversations seem very genuine. I'm not sure if this guy could be a brilliant actor or not but I guess that's a risk I have to take. The red flag for me is a club, alcohol, dancing, making out fast..... Other than that, just wait for him to ask you out. I would slow down on all the texting.
StanMusial Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I only met him on the weekend, so he's only mentioned that he'd like to see me again, but no specifics. While we were at the club, he asked if I was attending the upcoming music festival. If he were to ask me to meet him at the club before a proper date, I'd turn him down. I am not going to offer myself up on a platter. The only reason I assume he has good intentions is because our conversations seem very genuine. I'm not sure if this guy could be a brilliant actor or not but I guess that's a risk I have to take. You never know. You seem pretty sharp so you might be able to figure him out before it's too late. 2
StanMusial Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 On my 20th Birthday I ended up drinking with and hooking up with a girl a few years older than me. The sex was great and I ended up romancing her and we had a several month relationship... albeit the worst relationship of my life, but we did have a relationship. I would say go for it and see how it goes, but don't expect a feiry story wedding. LOL. I see your point, but OP seems to be fairly normal and well adjusted and if we could help her avoid the situations these girls on here get themselves into then we should. 1
StanMusial Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Yes, of course... my ex was a raging abusive alcoholic! not fun at all. So OP I'd recomend staying clear of guys you meet at clubs. All my friends that go to clubs will seel you the world and the moon just to get in to your pants that night. They are upstanding guys during the day, but at clubs,they are not. most men that go to clubs act and think this way. I used to go clubbing and I'm a decent guy. I never went to pull wool I just liked the atmosphere and dancing and having fun. But I have to agree, probably 99% of the guys/girls there are pretty skeezy.
Author Stefanie Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Glad it seems like my head is screwed on, because I don't feel like it is! The conversation ended abruptly last night and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Texting daily is a bit pushy for someone you just met, right? I've decided not to do anything unless he makes contact. If not, I'll be quite disappointed but I shouldn't have been hopeful in the first place.
Recommended Posts