Yulichka93 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I feel like i'm not put first in my relationship. I do EVERYTHING in the world for this guy. I feel manipulated almost.. i start appologizing and feeling bad even when it's NOT my fault. For the most part, when i'm single i'm SOOOO strong and have high standards, know what i want and don't take anything less. But it seems like when i get into a relationship i let all that go out the window. I feel like i let the guy treat me how he wants..except i do fight back and stand up for myself at the time being, but later i'm just always the first one to come back to him, to call, to go visit him unexpectedly, etc. & i HATE it because i feel like he is not learning anything from me always running back. I know what i NEED to do, i just don't know what the first steps are to being strong and STAYING strong, not letting people walk all over me. I love this guy soooooo much, i don't want to leave, but i just feel like even if i wanted to, i CAN'T! i feel like i'll never find anyone as good... (i tend to always look at the good and positives about people, never the bad...)
madjac74 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 It sounds like you are just a really nice person. Don't change that! Someone will definitely appreciate it someday and pay you back in full 1
Author Yulichka93 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 haha well thank you. Even his family says that he doesn't deserve me with how he treats me.. I get told a lot that i make up excuses for him all the time to try to cover up the actual truth.. I'm just so in love that i understand whats going on, but i don't want to believe it or see it. I mask it in my mind How do i stop this ?!
madjac74 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I don't think there is any good way to stop loving someone. Spend a lot of time with family and friends and talk to them about whats going on. Eventually you will start to hear your own words and it will make you sick realizing what you have put up with. ...And spoil yourself for a change
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 You're just the door-mat type that doesn't know how to put yourself first and keep your self-respect in tact because you make a guy your world once you fall "in love" or whatever it is with him. You need to learn to put yourself first and make sure you always get what you need, not trying to win this other persons affection because you're so scared of losing him...with that mentality you will surely get chewed up and spit out...because guess what? when a woman doesn't respect herself neither does the guy...you act like a doormat, so he simply wipes his feet on you...you set that standard, you rolled over for the guy and always chased him and yet you expect him to what?...recognize that and do better? better for who? he's already got everything he wants and needs...you do all the work in the relationship and then you have the nerve to ask why you're not first? you don't even put yourself first why would he? You're just a very desperate and insecure woman...and you need to develop some integrity and self-respect so no matter what you may feel for a guy, you always remember that without that respect and reciprocation that you are not going to subject yourself to that treatment and behavior...but you created this for yourself now in this relationship, good luck changing it because everything you've shown and treated this relationship with is you being second place...at best, you've showed him that you're a doormat and it's ok to wipe your feet on me. This is not about love...this is about your irresistible urge to chase someone who is emotionally unavailable to you because you've got your own issues...you have this desire to fix something that is broken and make available what is not, you fight in these inbalanced or self-destructive relationships even though you create that dynamic...this is what you chase and what you want psychologically...it isn't love...sorry, that's not what love is. You're just telling yourself all these things like a crazy person because this is what makes you feel not good enough to be loved.
giblesp Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 If he's not treating you like you deserve, he needs to be aware of this. If he loves you, he'll give you what you need, simple. No ones perfect and fireworks often go off in relationships. But if he loves you as well, he should be sharing communication and understanding. Do be careful you're not in a pattern where you are chasing someone who's unavailable. I see girls get addicted to this and mistake it for love. I see insecure men 'treating them mean and keeping them keen,' because they can't tap into the courage to love. Avoid this if you can...
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