dsw31 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I went out with my ex last weekend for the first time in 17 months.10 minutes into us hanging he tells me that he loves me & wants me to know this breakup has not been easy on him.He said he Doesnt want me to be sad over him..He said he realizes he is a chronically miserable person so how can he be in a realtionship with anyone else when he can't even make himself happy.I think we both came to the same conclusion with that.I've realized that I am miserable & have been trying to find hapiness in being my own person & I go to therapy weekly now. I just sat & listened & didn't say anything in return. I was happy to hear him say he loved me still.(I felt it in my soul when we were not speaking).I just tried to enjoy the night for what it was.Tried to keep it light & fun & just see what comes of it.We had a blast. Went to a concert.Ate food at his place after the concert.He tried to keep me longer but I had to go cause it was late. No kiss or hug at all but I figured maybe we just both felt anxious & unsure.I left it at that & hoped he would reconnect. He did. I heard from him 2 days later.He asked if I wanted to come over a watch a fight at his house this weekend(Saturday) I said yes & that's what we did.I came over, we had pizza & wstched the fight & watched another show after the fight. He did not sit next to me on the couch. He did not try to touch me, He did not try to hug me.Hedid not try to kiss me! I am wondering if he truly just wants to be platonic friends?Is it possible that he is completely over me sexually? I feel like I'm walking on a tight rope with both ends light on fire here.I want to take it slow & rebuild our connection, in the hopes of reconciling but I don't want to push us getting back together too fast. Especially since he realizes some of his issues & I realize mine too.I feel like we have a connection that can never be taken away but maybe it's just me being a hopeful imbecile.I also don't want him being comfortable being in the friendzone with me.I think I need to try & step back & see what unfolds naturally but I can't give it too much time & I can't let it consume me. If anyone has any advice, I'd be so thankful to hear it.Thanks guys!
keepontruckin Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) I'll give what advice I can I'm not sure about the previous dynamics between you two, but I highly doubt he wants to be plutonic friends with you (unless you are rich and happen to just give him wheelbarrows full of money)... You both seem to want it, so roll with it! After my wife left, I was in contact. I did all the things that I used to do with her for a short while, like a walk on the beach and fish & chips. I did have that opportunity, but it made no difference. It didn't make a difference because she had decided that she was done with me, and there was no changing that... So, if both parties are willing to NOT dwell on the past, and instead look forward to a future together, I don't see why it couldn't work. I mean, you both enjoyed each others company at one point, right? However, I don't want to sound too optimistic, since the dynamics that created the first breakup may reemerge at some point. It would be up to the both of you how this could be handled the second time around. I would say just be who you both were when you first met, and let go of the past. If you want him to hold your hand, take his hand and hold it. If you want him to sit next to you, sit next to him. If there is love there, that's all you have to do. If there's no love there, you'll know it very quickly. Edited August 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BC1980 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) I think he is testing the waters with you before he decides if he wants to jump into a relationship. It's only been a week, so it's too early to have a serious talk. That would really push him away if you are looking to get him back. If you keep spending time with him, just be prepared for him not to want you back in the end. He might want you back, but you don't know. Do you want him back? That is another questions you have to seriously consider. Is this man worthy of your time? Because you have to treat this like a new relationship, so that's why it's too early to have a serious relationship talk right now. Is this man worth months of your time in trying to establish a relationship? I really wouldn't be too available to him because he is running the show right now. The worst case would be for him to string you along like this for a few months, you get your hopes up, and he decides he wants to be friends. I see him possibly stringing you along for months with you not knowing what he wants. Edited August 18, 2013 by BC1980
HumptyDumpty Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Hmm. I would rather say yes! I've been on this boat for quite a few months now! It's hard to tell what his intentions are! But it could be that he likes you as a person but doesn't want to engage aka a relationship! You know, keep things light and fluffy and when there is an ugly cloud on the horizon, just disappear, I mean you were just platonic friends right? Plus, he could be bored with being single again! He can have a one-night stand but then, the rest of the week feel a bit lonely since no great gf is on the horizon? So the ex that still pines for him can be quite useful as to not watch that DVD all alone. Or do things alone. Or... keep things going superficially and wait for the moment to propose a FWB relationship! You can't ask this out right away, there's gotta be a good moment where this question can be asked so that it'll be answered positive! That's one side! Of course he could still like you, see how things go and when he feels ready, ask you out again! However, I preferred to outweigh the dreams with all the negative aspects here! Always expect the worse! I like a pessimistic point of view regarding certain things! If things turn out great, you'll be surprised! When they don't, you're already prepared mentally and you won't get hurt! You already have the plan B to move on like nothing happened! good luck to you, and whatever you do, you need to feel confortable with it! If it hurts you, let it be!
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