jlola Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I am often curious at why OM/OW get involved with MP if the first place. What makes them so irresistible you are willing to lose your integrity and your values to be with them? Are they so irresistible and good looking you cannot resist? If you had to name someone famous to be their twin, who would it be?
sadwithouthim Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 For my OM, I know it was never about my looks. We met online, and became quick friends and it went from there. He likes me for the inside. Now, on the other hand, he is gorgeous, way too good looking for me. He's a solid 9, where I'm a 7 on a good day...lol. We needed each other at the time, so we were vulnerable to getting attached. We shared a lot, and it was a way for both of us to forget our problems. It was a rush like nothing I've ever experienced. We've been NC for 45 days now (his choice). I'd be scared to know who he would pick to be my twin. Looks aren't everything, sometimes it's all a mental connection. 1
fanine Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I think that has very little to do with it at all. It is just falling in love with someone, like any man. Okay there has to be physical attraction at first in any relationship, but I doubt any woman would stay with a man more than a few weeks just for his looks....and certainly if only looks counted a woman wouldn't put herself through all the pain of an A just for that.... 3
Silly_Girl Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I am often curious at why OM/OW get involved with MP if the first place. What makes them so irresistible you are willing to lose your integrity and your values to be with them? Are they so irresistible and good looking you cannot resist? If you had to name someone famous to be their twin, who would it be? I see the question doesn't apply to me 1
Got it Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I am often curious at why OM/OW get involved with MP if the first place. What makes them so irresistible you are willing to lose your integrity and your values to be with them? Are they so irresistible and good looking you cannot resist? If you had to name someone famous to be their twin, who would it be? Because this doesn't apply. 1
bentleychic Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I think that has very little to do with it at all. It is just falling in love with someone, like any man. Okay there has to be physical attraction at first in any relationship, but I doubt any woman would stay with a man more than a few weeks just for his looks....and certainly if only looks counted a woman wouldn't put herself through all the pain of an A just for that.... I agree completely. I was attracted to him initially, of course, though he's not the type that people would normally think I would go for and I guarantee my friends and family will be surprised when/if they ever meet him. He makes MY heart pitter patter, but he's not a drop dead gorgeous model or anything. Looks are definitely not everything.
road Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I am often curious at why OM/OW get involved with MP if the first place. What makes them so irresistible you are willing to lose your integrity and your values to be with them? Are they so irresistible and good looking you cannot resist? If you had to name someone famous to be their twin, who would it be? Many people affair down. Their AP has no looks, no money, no status. The AP did know how to ingratiate themselves with the WS. Meeting emotional needs that the WS wanted met. From making them feel good the EA turns into a PA. WW gives sex to get emotional needs from the OM. The WH gives emotional needs to get sex from the OW. Why do people insist on making things so complicated? 4
Got it Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Many people affair down. Their AP has no looks, no money, no status. The AP did know how to ingratiate themselves with the WS. Meeting emotional needs that the WS wanted met. From making them feel good the EA turns into a PA. WW gives sex to get emotional needs from the OM. The WH gives emotional needs to get sex from the OW. Why do people insist on making things so complicated? Umm, okay. Keep believing that. I have a bridge I can sell ya in Arizona. Looks like new! 4
bentleychic Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Umm, okay. Keep believing that. I have a bridge I can sell ya in Arizona. Looks like new! Seriously. I "affair'ed" (this word cracks me up) up if we're using that formula. The only flaw I have to complain about him is that he's married. Of course he does have flaws, no one is perfect. If I didn't recognize his flaws, it'd obviously be a crush or lust. I know and recognize his flaws. He's still everything that I would look for in a partner and more, if I had to make a list. (I've actually made a pros and cons list of him before so I know this for a fact.) Obviously MARRIED on the cons list is a pretty big one, though.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Umm, okay. Keep believing that. I have a bridge I can sell ya in Arizona. Looks like new! That is exactly right. I am extremely good looking (sorry it's true) and he never, ever thought he would have a chance with me. Would always pinch me asking if I was real. He was nice looking, but not really any better looking than my husband. We just clicked from a personality standpoint. And we both had decent lifestyles. It definitely wasn't "affairing down" in either of our cases.
fanine Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 That is exactly right. I am extremely good looking (sorry it's true) and he never, ever thought he would have a chance with me. Would always pinch me asking if I was real. He was nice looking, but not really any better looking than my husband. We just clicked from a personality standpoint. And we both had decent lifestyles. It definitely wasn't "affairing down" in either of our cases. Same with me too. He would often say I never believed I could be with a woman like you. He called me a lady, I came from a different world to him. We just clicked too on a personality level when we first met. He was also the most sexual man I have ever met in all my 44 years...
Finally Settled Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Many people affair down. Their AP has no looks, no money, no status. The AP did know how to ingratiate themselves with the WS. Meeting emotional needs that the WS wanted met. From making them feel good the EA turns into a PA. WW gives sex to get emotional needs from the OM. The WH gives emotional needs to get sex from the OW. Why do people insist on making things so complicated? I often wonder why people insist on making such complicated issues so simplistic. 3
road Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I often wonder why people insist on making such complicated issues so simplistic. The simple truth seems to hit a nerve. 2
Got it Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 The simple truth seems to hit a nerve. Lol, says you. Are you there God it's me Got it. 2
Got it Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 How exactly is that an advantage? No stretch marks? 1
Sarabi Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 How exactly is that an advantage? Well...depending on the person...it might mean that things might still be tight and in the right place... Maybe ... Also from the point of forming relationships there are no ties or exes to compete with maybe...?
Sarabi Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Many people affair down. Their AP has no looks, no money, no status. The AP did know how to ingratiate themselves with the WS. Meeting emotional needs that the WS wanted met. From making them feel good the EA turns into a PA. WW gives sex to get emotional needs from the OM. The WH gives emotional needs to get sex from the OW. Why do people insist on making things so complicated? Well to be fair I suppose you said "many" not "all" I wholeheartedly disagree that the AP has no looks, money or status...I think this is the usual propaganda often widely presented/promoted to the world in relation to affairs, to show that the "others" somehow must be inferior or less...& that the wanderers must somehow have been bewitched into taking leave of their senses when they embark on affairs (no, I am not picking on you, just saying it seems to be a common misconception/assumption). I think there are plenty of wandering people who are punching above their weights with their APs... 2
whycan'tI Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I am often curious at why OM/OW get involved with MP if the first place. What makes them so irresistible you are willing to lose your integrity and your values to be with them? Are they so irresistible and good looking you cannot resist? If you had to name someone famous to be their twin, who would it be? Yikes! I don't think it is fair to say that OW/OM lose their integrity and values just because of an affair. That is a bit harsh. For me and my situation it isn't about looks. He meets a need I have. Have I suddenly started kicking puppies?-no. I was a BS for years, got divorced and now I have a MM that I mess around with. My value system hasn't changed. I am not part of the marriage defender brigade. I found out my MM was married after months of fun times. I could have stopped but why? We are discreet and if it ends no harm no foul. 1
bentleychic Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Well...depending on the person...it might mean that things might still be tight and in the right place... Maybe ... Ummm...I have children and that is not a problem. There are exercises you can do to make things nice and tight again. LOL I thought my partners were just giving me a line, but doctor confirmed that things are...uh...where and how they should be and way better than she expected for my age and how many children I've had. (THAT was not a conversation in which I felt I had a stitch of modesty left at all, ftr. ) The fact that I had children was actually a positive in MM's eyes. He always wanted more children. Also, as far as women having unattractive bodies who have had children, if a woman gains weight quickly, she will get stretch marks in most cases, anyway. My childless friend has stretch marks and that's not an oddity. A child free woman can be just as overweight and stretch marked as a mother and vice versa.
bentleychic Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 It's just an individual thing is all I meant, too. His BW never had kids, but is larger than I am and has other physical issues that I don't (and vice versa, I'm sure!). Doesn't make her any better or worse and vice versa. I do have stretch marks, but so does she. Mine are from my babies and I'll never regret that for a second. I know I have saggy boobs from breastfeeding babies for years. LOL She may very well have perky ones since she never had kids to breastfeed. I don't really know, but again, I don't regret it for a second. Having my babies and breastfeeding them were things that were very important to me, even if I may not be as aesthetically pleasing as someone that didn't have babies (or had better genetics). 2
Summer Breeze Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I find it interesting that the OP came in and dropped a thread that could easily be considered baiting and has not been seen since. Put the snide comments along with the lack of any partaking in the thread and I'd say the intention of the thread was nothing more than to be insulting. My 2 cents. I didn't change my values. I didn't change my life. I refused to let the fact he was M define our R. Period. I wasn't irresistible to anyone and neither was he. His twin. He'd say Shrek and I wouldn't. 2
Author jlola Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 (edited) I find it interesting that the OP came in and dropped a thread that could easily be considered baiting and has not been seen since. Put the snide comments along with the lack of any partaking in the thread and I'd say the intention of the thread was nothing more than to be insulting. My 2 cents. I didn't change my values. I didn't change my life. I refused to let the fact he was M define our R. Period. I wasn't irresistible to anyone and neither was he. His twin. He'd say Shrek and I wouldn't. Not to bait or be insulting at all. I have read so many OW saying MM cannot believe they are so lucky to have dated them. Because MM never thought they would have a chance to be with such a beautiful OW since she was out of his league. I have read where OW claim the wife is not as attractive. So many OW say the affair started because of "attraction". It seems the OW are usually more attractive and much younger than MM. I sometimes think it gives boost to OW to think they are the best the MM can get. But I wonder what is in it OW? A married man who most likely has financial baggage,kids,responsibilities,wife,has to sneak around and who sees you when he can. Also at times can be much older. So what is it that makes him so darned attractive, OW cannot help but get into the situation in the first place. The attraction must have been there initially/ So what is it? What does this MM have that most single men do not? I would like to imagine his charisma and charm were irresistible. I mean there has to have been something that is so exceptional, you are ok with putting up with the situation and the baggage that comes with this type of relationship. Perhaps he is so special you do not think you can do better. Edited August 20, 2013 by jlola
ascendotum Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 (edited) I could have stopped but why? We are discreet and if it ends no harm no foul. Would you have felt the same way about your husband screwing around on the side. I think his wife and quite possibly your family & friends would not feel the same way about you that you do. There was a post on here recently about johns who got busted in a escort sting being shamed online. A number of women commented how disgusting they were for cheating on their spouses and deserved to be publically shamed and have their wife leave and clean then out financially. Why should your MM not be considered in the same light. I have noticed over the years women now view having an affair in a much more favorable light (from friends and in the media...a couple of articles I read directed at women even talked about an affair as the OW as a being right of passage or a tick event before you hit 30, which surprised me of the changing attitudes by women). I guess when they are the OW they see the cheating in a more romantic light. If the MM was their life partner it would be a different story, he would then be cast as the cheating prick and you the marriage wrecker (even tho it might already be a zombie relationship) Edited August 21, 2013 by ascendotum
Finally Settled Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 The simple truth seems to hit a nerve. Since I find very little 'truth' in your original post I don't deem it even possible to have hit a nerve. I'm not quite sure why you consider my response, which consists of one calmly stated sentence, as telling that a nerve had been hit.
Sarabi Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 If the MM was their life partner it would be a different story, he would then be cast as the cheating prick and you the marriage wrecker (even tho it might already be a zombie relationship) Well perhaps I did see it as romantic...to a point. If the MM was my life partner and he cheated then yes, I would cast him as a cheating prick but I suppose that would be ok because as a former OW karma or justice is coming for me so I guess I would deserve it...but the OW? Ha ha, I spoke about this with my therapist. That if someone cheated on me in future...I would feel very bad for the OW(or OM lol who knows!) having been there myself At the time I even said to MM if I were in his wife's shoes I would walk... I would walk. Kids or not. Money or not. Family or not...because for me I wouldn't be able to get over the hope and lies(or truths?) he was feeding someone else about how he loved them and gave them hope for the future. I guess that makes me cruel and unforgiving but... So it is ok for him to do that to someone else then run with his tail between his legs back to what is familiar, as if nothing happened...I think it would really p!ss me off Allowing them to develop feelings for him...what on earth goes through this mans head when he is throwing his OW aside in time for tomorrows refuse collection? is he aware that while he is desperately clinging onto his wife there is someone out there who is hurting(YES YES DON'T START, WE ALL KNOW THE HURT IS SELF-INFLICTED...)? Thinking about him and the life she won't have? Whilst he is thinking of how fabulous his life is now that he has his wife back...does he consider that maybe this person will have a hard time getting over him? It will affect her future relationships? If she even manages to get over it at all... Yes. She might have asked for it by getting involved with a MM...but I would feel sorry. And that for me would be difficult to get over if ever I was betrayed. Laugh at me if you like but its the truth. At the heart of it I personally think I would still struggle with little girl "I'm not good enough that is why he cheated" memories... God bless those who find the strength and courage to forgive their WS, stay and work through issues they may have. I definitely don't think I would do it ...
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