Depressed ex girlfriend

[stingray115]

Ok so in the beginning of this year i met this girl online and we started talking just as friends, it quickly became more than that and we had feelings for each other we would talk all night and she loved my voice..she would call and she became so shy at the sound of my voice that she couldn't barley talk..anyways we kept talk and i was able to visit her and make us "official" and when we met it was amazing, we didn't do much because she was so shy but anyways we loved each other very much.

 

Anyways throughout the relationship she would sometimes not text me for a few days and i thought that would be weird..she had these cysts in her...woman parts and that made her sick a lot and she would always fall asleep but sometimes she would come back and say she lost her phone or an excuse not to talk..i told her that i didn't mind if she didn't want to talk but i wanted her to tell me and use more communication because that was a flaw i saw in our relationship.

 

Idk if what i said made her sad but she started saying i deserved better than her and starting bringing herself down saying bad things about herself..and i told her i loved dating her and i decided to just forget that..weeks later she suddenly texted me saying she was so stressed and hated her life and she wanted to kill herself. i freaked out and begged her not too.

 

I dont know why she wanted to kill herself but i know she has a rough past. her mother overdosed when she was a child, her best friend killed himself in high school, her father was a horrible father..he killed her pet cat as a punishment, and asked for overpriced rent money for her to live there..money she didn't have. Her father has hit her on occasion as well.

 

It killed me that i was long distance (she didn't live to far but i couldn't just visit when i wanted) but i reminded her that i cared..and when i freaked out she thanked me for caring so much. i figured out that she wanted to be alone sometimes because she was sad and she would never tell me but instead make excuses.

 

as time went on i heard more and more excuses and it got me kinda mad and it turned into a fight but we made up for it. During that month the excuses got even worse and i heard less and less from her, i felt like she didn't care and we were about to get into a fight but she told me her cyst's turned canerous and i freaked out and things just fell apart, the night before her surgery she told me she was scared and wanted to break it off in case she didn't get better but the next day she changed her mind and wanted to be with me.

 

during the following week she wasn't herself she tried to make me happy i could tell she even comforted me and was there for me when i had a stressful night at workbut i wanted to be there for her and it felt like she was pushing me away, i asked her if she wanted to break up or take a break and she said no that she still loved me.. weeks past and i see a her talking to a guy on facebook and they were flirting but it was nothing real serious. i confronted her about it and i was thinking maybe this is why she is distant she found another guy so we got into a fight and the next day she told me that was her ex but said the reason why she was distant was because she was rapped about a month ago

and told me she was kicked out of her house cause she got into a big fight with her parents and the only place she had to live was her close friends house and her brother is the ex.

 

I didn't know if i should believe it or not but i knew she cared about me and i knew she really did get kicked out other than that idk. anyways things got bad fast and she said she didn't want to date anyone anymore but said she still had feelings for me..i kinda lost control of my emotions and i smothered her alot (not with bad things) trying to make her happy or anything, she shut off her phone, deactivated her facebook and then i kinda fell into a depression because i was worried about her and she did these things without telling me.

 

she turned on her phone again weeks later and said she was so glad i still cared for her and said a lot was going on, but she would ignore me most of the time and i didn't push her i went out bought her a letter and something i drew for her birthday i handwrote a nice letter to brighen her day and she loved it. we started talking again but it would be short talk and when she ignored me i would kept texting and she get mad and would tell me in a very mean way to leave her alone or she would use an excuse to get me to stop texting (like she lied and said the phone she was using was her sisters) then weeks go by and we would talk a little bit again.

 

we talked about what we were going to do and she said she wanted to be alone right now and i respected that but she said she was really confused and

didnt know how she felt about me and she said she trusted no one and was sad about everything i told her lets wait it out and see but she wanted to figure something out now. we couldn't decide and it sounded like she still liked me but didn't want to admit it and the next day we started talking and i asked her if i should move on and she said yes and i told her how i felt and spammed her a little.

 

we didn't talk untill the next day i sent a few texts and called a few times and she was kinda mad at me and i asked her if it was ok if i told her how amazing she was before she went to bed it made her happy and then the next day same thing a few texts to try and brighten her day and called that night and she flipped out like she did before but nothing like this... she said i was causing her boyfriend stress (i think this may be an excuse to leave her alone not sure) and she threatened to get a restraining order on me and told me to never text her again not even in weeks or months or years. I called her a liar and other mean things and told her to get out of my life.

 

I dont know everything and i feel like even the rape or the cancer was a lie so she could be alone..she did make an attempt to try and be herself again and "make me happy" which i didn't care about i wanted to be there for her bc i know she is depressed but i didn't know what to do, i felt like i was becoming depressed and i felt so blind as how to help, i felt like i put so much into trying and it got thrown in my face, i know this isn't about me but i fell guilty for what i said and how i acted..i don't think it's all my fault cause she never just told me she wanted me to stop texting for a bit, i was a little pushy but she over reacted. I will not text her just in case she does get a restraining order..but she feels like a different person..did things go to far? or is there a chance she didn't mean what she said and her feelings will come back to me once she gets better? cause we did have an amazing relationship. dont think anyone will real all of this tho but thanks.

[Car10e]

This sounds like a pretty messed up relationship to be honest.