irc333 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 With the recent ONLINE dating thread about those being "desperate" about dating...it is a haven to those seeking validation or attention. Recently I had went out on a date with a woman, in her mid 40's, I had met online earlier this week, she was quite flirty...is a big movie buff like I am and share the same interests. About the 2nd email I asked for her #, and without hesitation she gave it to me, so I called her. So we did very little correspondence online and talked most of the time on the phone and texting, too. She remarked how nice my blue eyes were (which was a first for me ever getting a compliment from a woman on my appearance) and she apparently said she doesn't have a type, but prefers the "whole package". She's pretty open minded about dating, mentioned she didn't have any hang ups. She even referred to me as "Sexy eyes" when texting with me. When I asked her out, she said she wanted to see this one Sci-Fi movie...she mentioned that "all people say to her that movies a bad idea...but with her, she loves 'em, so she's an exception. We went out to the movies (she's a movie buff and all), she was wearing this great little black dress, and I complimented her on it and she complimented me accordingly on my attire. She was really cute and giggly as well as upbeat, same person online as she was in person. At the conclusion of the movie, we were talking about how we enjoyed it and other types of Sci-Fi movies similar to it. Then we're standing outside she says, "I hate to cut this short....." she just got a text and from her 22 year old daughter who is engaged to be married, apparently her daughter at texted her and was going through some kind of emotional crisis....and wanted to drive over to her daughter's place to talk. Something to do with her fiance's soon-to-be- In Laws...or something. (this is the part where I try to get a "read" on whether she's interested in seeing me again or not, you see most women will lie to your face and tell you yes....so you always have to prepare for any kind of lying that they may throw at you). Here are some of the things that transversed.... We enjoyed our time together, and she said, "I enjoyed my time with you, I hope you enjoyed being with me!" I concured, and even asked her out again. I said I really did enjoy her, and she looked a lot prettier in person than she did in her profile..esp. with the little black dress and all. She giggled, touched the back of my arm (which is a sign of interest) and she seemed rather smitten with what I said...and that's when she said...., "You have have very nice eyes, I like them a lot!" (Keep in mind, it's been a long time since I've gotten a compliment such as that from a woman...touching, and all that.) She even mentioned, though I live an hour away, that it wouldn't be a problem with her drive-wise since the last guy she dated lived 4 hrs away. So I was much closer in comparison. I walked her to her car, I held her by her waist, and she kissed me good night. Yep, you heard it, we kissed good night. I mentioned I'd text her to see if she made it home okay (typical chivalrous thing to do is to contact a woman to see if she made it home alright) She texted back that she made it home okay and wished me good night...I later texted her about her availability next weekend and she said, "Can't..going out of town" Her texting "tone" was more cold and callous than her previous dialogue, and I couldn't figure out why. Why be all flirty, kiss a guy good night, and then go off the radar? Going back to the OLD situation, it seems that people do it for an ego boost or perhaps a free dinner and a movie? WHo knows Maybe as a "movie buff" she gets to see movies for free? Who knows, but wonder with online dating, it's easy to exploit others, too...because you can go off the radar as quick as they go on it (or such as they may think)?
CrystalCastles Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 It could be that her initial infatuation with you has died down. That's happened to me before. Or maybe she was seeing other men and found someone else. Don't overanalyze a text. She might not have been intentional about her "cold" tone. Don't dismiss her, it was only a first date. She kissed you so obvs she finds you attractive. Relax and don't put all your eggs in one basket!
Amethystic Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 She wasn't looking for an ego boost. In my opinion, it sounds like she liked you on paper, but you didn't quite meet her expectations in person. Most people who aren't complete d*cks will still be polite and show you good time on the date, even if they don't think there will be a second one. Some will even kiss you at the end of the date if you seem to expect one so they don't hurt your feelings. While I believe that people should say that they're not interested instead of getting distant or "fading out," take her lack of responsiveness as a response - she's not into you. 2
Author irc333 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 but you didn't quite meet her expectations in person. Actually I was what she expected in person...but, you know...some people think they can do better...then better...then better. lol
sweetjasmine Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Her engaged daughter is going through some sort of emotional crisis. Is it inconceivable that she might be a touch busy and distracted with family issues at the moment? Nah, must be that she uses men for free movies all the time. 2
Lobouspo Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Sounds like she does you like AND had a good time...but she also has options. Its really easier than ever to meet people nowadays with OLD social networking etc.but the downside it makes going on a date much more "routine" . She probably went home and saw 20 new messages on her OLD profile. Remember OLD is a pure numbers game...As a guy you really gotta have thick skin and have no expectations. Easier said than done I know, just keep plugging away though man, because at the end of the day, all it takes is one.
mario_C Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Actually I was what she expected in person...but, you know...some people think they can do better...then better...then better. lol Or they just need some companionship, if only for the evening or weekend. Dating is not about changing the world - maybe she just didn't want to sit in a movie theater alone, in her nice dress.
tbf Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 People who use OLD may be desperate for ego boosts Since the OP uses OLD...does this mean that he too is desperate for ego boosts? 3
Star Gazer Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 People who use OLD may be desperate for ego boosts Since the OP uses OLD...does this mean that he too is desperate for ego boosts? I don't think he thought that far ahead when posting. It's always the woman's issue, in his mind. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Regardless of whether OP uses OLD for ego boosts or not, that you both leaped right past the "may be" in the thread title to get a dig in is troublesome. Anything is possible. People who buy milk may be desperate for ego boosts. People who lick stamps may be desperate for ego boosts. People who walk their dogs during daylight may be desperate for ego boosts. People who comb their hair may be desperate for ego boosts. People who graduate from college may be desperate for ego boosts. People who eat oranges may be desperate for ego boosts. I'm sure you get the idea. 1
amaysngrace Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 If someone's self esteem is so easily influenced by an online dating site and the responses they get or don't get, they have a problem that finding a mate won't fix. In fact they should probably stop trying to date altogether.
madjac74 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 My biggest ego boost was finally realizing I was doing just great on my own and cancelling my OLD profile. 1
sillyanswer Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 People who use OLD may be desperate for ego boosts Since the OP uses OLD...does this mean that he too is desperate for ego boosts? I'd say that it's definitely possible that people who use OLD may be desperate for ego boosts, yes. 1
Mascara Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Oh for gods sake, why does it have to be an ego boost??? That's what DATING is, spending time with people that in theory you like and seeing what develops. See if you click. Otherwise, why not just plan the wedding right away? You can like someone's photos, like that you have tons in common, enjoy your date.... and still feel like its not quite there. Just because she didn't run away screaming doesn't mean she felt anything. There was an email that went viral not long ago, a New York blind date where the woman decided there wasn't an attraction. So he sent her a long, detailed email explaining exactly why she MUST. That's what this sounds like. This woman is dating. Perhaps next time you should make it clear that if you are perfect for someone on paper and they like your photos, they will be expected to continue dating you, whether or not they want to. 1
Babolat Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Anything is possible. People who buy milk may be desperate for ego boosts. People who lick stamps may be desperate for ego boosts. People who walk their dogs during daylight may be desperate for ego boosts. People who comb their hair may be desperate for ego boosts. People who graduate from college may be desperate for ego boosts. People who eat oranges may be desperate for ego boosts. I'm sure you get the idea. OP, I would move on if I was you....I think you are reading into this too much, you have shown interest, I would not over analyze it.
Author irc333 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) Maybe you're a bad kisser. Huh? Not sure what that has to do with anything, it was just a standard kiss, no lip lock or anything passionate since it was a first date. I have heard of women complaining how a guy slobbered all over here while kissing, used too much tongue, etc, but I toned it down. Edited August 18, 2013 by irc333
MrNate 2.0 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I look into my pants and get my ego boost from there. 1
Maleficent Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Wow... If you're on OLDS for an ego boost you are in the worst place imaginable... 1
FitChick Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 OP has low self-esteem so he is always looking for reasons for a woman to reject him. Reading his account, which is all any of us can do since we weren't there, I thought the date went well. Texts are always terse, aren't they? Who wants to write long, chatty, literate texts? That's what emails are for. A co-worker is helping plan her daughter's wedding and another co-worker is planning her own wedding. They are major nightmares and very stressful events which is one reason I never wanted a big wedding. Too much drama. If you really like her, you have to be sympathetic to the Mother of the Bride and cut her a little slack. Call her and tell her you would love to see her again when she gets back and you understand how stressful it can be planning such a big shindig. "Why don't you call me when you get back and let me know when you'd be free for another date? If you'd like me to see what's happening locally (special events, festivals, end of summer concerts) I'd be happy to plan something, blah blah blah..." Who knows? You may wind up being her date at her daughter's wedding if you play your cards right.
Author irc333 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Yes, Fitchick, you could be right. I'll give her a call later. OP has low self-esteem so he is always looking for reasons for a woman to reject him. Reading his account, which is all any of us can do since we weren't there, I thought the date went well. Texts are always terse, aren't they? Who wants to write long, chatty, literate texts? That's what emails are for. A co-worker is helping plan her daughter's wedding and another co-worker is planning her own wedding. They are major nightmares and very stressful events which is one reason I never wanted a big wedding. Too much drama. If you really like her, you have to be sympathetic to the Mother of the Bride and cut her a little slack. Call her and tell her you would love to see her again when she gets back and you understand how stressful it can be planning such a big shindig. "Why don't you call me when you get back and let me know when you'd be free for another date? If you'd like me to see what's happening locally (special events, festivals, end of summer concerts) I'd be happy to plan something, blah blah blah..." Who knows? You may wind up being her date at her daughter's wedding if you play your cards right.
mesmerized Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I don't know...If anything I would say OLD lowers people's ego, even women's. I'm not attracted to 90+ percent of men who message me on OLD. Them messaging me has no good effect on my ego whatsoever. 1
Knoxpwns Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Her engaged daughter is going through some sort of emotional crisis. Is it inconceivable that she might be a touch busy and distracted with family issues at the moment? Nah, must be that she uses men for free movies all the time. It's funny that you act all sarcastic like this the bolded text holds some mythical context that never occurs in reality, when the actual reality is that you can find heaps of blogs that are dedicated entirely to women juggling heaps of men on OLD profiles for the sole intention of using their dates as free meals, some eating out 5+ times a week on the dime of a guy who is genuinely trying to find someone he likes to be with... Nah, must be that all people on OLD are 100% trustworthy.
Author irc333 Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 It's funny that you act all sarcastic like this the bolded text holds some mythical context that never occurs in reality, when the actual reality is that you can find heaps of blogs that are dedicated entirely to women juggling heaps of men on OLD profiles for the sole intention of using their dates as free meals, some eating out 5+ times a week on the dime of a guy who is genuinely trying to find someone he likes to be with... Nah, must be that all people on OLD are 100% trustworthy. Funny you mention this, because when I mention the next time we get together, we could do some kind of non-related movie date. She said, "Oh, I'd be okay with going to another movie." I might be okay with it too, but she did mention she was a movie buff in her profile. By the way, going to the movies can get expensive
MissBee Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 With the recent ONLINE dating thread about those being "desperate" about dating...it is a haven to those seeking validation or attention. Recently I had went out on a date with a woman, in her mid 40's, I had met online earlier this week, she was quite flirty...is a big movie buff like I am and share the same interests. About the 2nd email I asked for her #, and without hesitation she gave it to me, so I called her. So we did very little correspondence online and talked most of the time on the phone and texting, too. She remarked how nice my blue eyes were (which was a first for me ever getting a compliment from a woman on my appearance) and she apparently said she doesn't have a type, but prefers the "whole package". She's pretty open minded about dating, mentioned she didn't have any hang ups. She even referred to me as "Sexy eyes" when texting with me. When I asked her out, she said she wanted to see this one Sci-Fi movie...she mentioned that "all people say to her that movies a bad idea...but with her, she loves 'em, so she's an exception. We went out to the movies (she's a movie buff and all), she was wearing this great little black dress, and I complimented her on it and she complimented me accordingly on my attire. She was really cute and giggly as well as upbeat, same person online as she was in person. At the conclusion of the movie, we were talking about how we enjoyed it and other types of Sci-Fi movies similar to it. Then we're standing outside she says, "I hate to cut this short....." she just got a text and from her 22 year old daughter who is engaged to be married, apparently her daughter at texted her and was going through some kind of emotional crisis....and wanted to drive over to her daughter's place to talk. Something to do with her fiance's soon-to-be- In Laws...or something. (this is the part where I try to get a "read" on whether she's interested in seeing me again or not, you see most women will lie to your face and tell you yes....so you always have to prepare for any kind of lying that they may throw at you). Here are some of the things that transversed.... We enjoyed our time together, and she said, "I enjoyed my time with you, I hope you enjoyed being with me!" I concured, and even asked her out again. I said I really did enjoy her, and she looked a lot prettier in person than she did in her profile..esp. with the little black dress and all. She giggled, touched the back of my arm (which is a sign of interest) and she seemed rather smitten with what I said...and that's when she said...., "You have have very nice eyes, I like them a lot!" (Keep in mind, it's been a long time since I've gotten a compliment such as that from a woman...touching, and all that.) She even mentioned, though I live an hour away, that it wouldn't be a problem with her drive-wise since the last guy she dated lived 4 hrs away. So I was much closer in comparison. I walked her to her car, I held her by her waist, and she kissed me good night. Yep, you heard it, we kissed good night. I mentioned I'd text her to see if she made it home okay (typical chivalrous thing to do is to contact a woman to see if she made it home alright) She texted back that she made it home okay and wished me good night...I later texted her about her availability next weekend and she said, "Can't..going out of town" Her texting "tone" was more cold and callous than her previous dialogue, and I couldn't figure out why. Why be all flirty, kiss a guy good night, and then go off the radar? Going back to the OLD situation, it seems that people do it for an ego boost or perhaps a free dinner and a movie? WHo knows Maybe as a "movie buff" she gets to see movies for free? Who knows, but wonder with online dating, it's easy to exploit others, too...because you can go off the radar as quick as they go on it (or such as they may think)? Dating is a hit or miss, it's exploring and one date is not a commitment to more necessarily, and it's not because it's online why. This is all dating. When you meet someone online or off, you go on a date and even if it goes well, sometimes nothing else transpires. It can be confusing, but you can't take it super seriously. I date knowing that a man owes me nothing and is free to only want to see me once and I him. Yes, it can be disappointing if you feel things went well, but you have to be a bit more thick-skinned about it, as it will happen more often than not that things don't work out...fact. It may even be you next time who ends up not being into her even if it goes okay. As another poster said, sometimes after you go out the infatuation dies down and you realize you're not interested in more. It's not always a calculating thing so you just have to take it in stride.
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