juliepatterson Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I'm interested to know what are the biggest problems single mums face when starting to date again.
Faith13/2 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 For me, I was extremely picky on who I dated solely because the guy not only had to be good enough for me, but for my children also. Many people lose site in what's best for their children when it comes to looking for romance for themselves. So in my situation I was definitely looking for someone who would not only accept me, but accept me with my package(children) as well. 2
Author juliepatterson Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 For me, I was extremely picky on who I dated solely because the guy not only had to be good enough for me, but for my children also. Many people lose site in what's best for their children when it comes to looking for romance for themselves. So in my situation I was definitely looking for someone who would not only accept me, but accept me with my package(children) as well. Hi faith thanks for your reply. Judging from your profile pic, its looks like your very happy. congratulations. Before you become lucky in love, would you of considered extra help in order to find what you required. Or used a dating coach, took a online course for communication with men or finding someone who was xyz etc..? 1
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Hi faith thanks for your reply. Judging from your profile pic, its looks like your very happy. congratulations. Before you become lucky in love, would you of considered extra help in order to find what you required. Or used a dating coach, took a online course for communication with men or finding someone who was xyz etc..? Thanks I happened to find my SO online, but yes I think I would have. It's not always easy finding someone who fits your idea of a perfect guy for you. I think that's one of the reason I took to playing the game that I met my SO on, was becoming kind of sick of the everyday let down I was getting. Found something to occupy my time while still being at home with my children, and just got "lucky" from there.
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I agree im super picky and of course some guys are not okay with the fact im a single mom (im 22) also i cannot go out all the time like most people my age. I have to wait until my daughter is in bed. I am a 23yr old single mother of two, so I can completely understand where you're coming from in that aspect. It isn't easy, but to be completely honest with you I don't care to much for going out. It could be because I'm in an LDR and like to be around to communicate with my SO, but it just doesn't interest me like it did a couple years ago.
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Wow!! I thought one was hard but congrats to you for bein momma and dadda to two children. I drink about once a week and im working as well so i dont really go out much. I understand tho if i were to meet someone id be willing to just relax without the drinking I can't take all the credit for being both mommy and daddy, even though it does feel that way sometimes. My kids father is actually a great dad and takes them kind of often and also supports them financially with no hassle. I got lucky in that aspect. I used to be pretty big on hanging out and drinking, but then I guess I just finished my maturing process and thought I have a party at home daily with my two children, there's really no need. So I've probably had a drink maybe once, twice in this year so far.
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Youre lucky then Bet its still hard tho, my daughters dad helps when he feels like it. Thats good, much more healthy..i dont try to justify it but the drinkin once a week but it really helps me unwind I'd like to say the kids are lucky, me not so much. lol Oh no don't get me wrong I completely understand that. The couple times I have had a drink was definitely to unwind. I think for me it came down to the fact that the majority of my friends(my age group) had no kids and the maturity level that I had gained I just didn't see in them. I'm not to much into the drama little girl scene anymore, it became way to exhausting.
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Well, there's no help you have to raise the person by yourself and there's the stereotypes about single moms too What stereotypes are you referring to?
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 That theyre easy? Thats my guess Hmm..interesting. Not sure I've come across that stereotype yet.
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I was in a relationship with my children's father for quite a long time, so maybe that's why I didn't get this stereotype placed over my head.
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I see, I was with my children's father from 15-18. And now I've been with my Fiance who I initially met online for 4 years. Only two real relationships I've ever had.
Faith13/2 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I see well then this is most likely why you have not been stereotyped I dont ger it often but a lot of online daters looking to get laid have stated this Youre lucky to have not been streotyped! Anyone can sleep around a kid or kids has nothing to do with it! Completely agree, I hate stereotypes. No two people are alike and no situation is ever exactly the same. 1
SugarLips72 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I have been separated from my kids Dad for over a year, divorced for 4 months. I am just now really starting to date again. I am finding single guys with no kids, just do not get it. They don't understand I am only available maybe 2 nights a week. I also am now working 2 jobs (both at home). Any guy I date also has to be good for my kids and right now I am not even close to introducing any guy to them. I am still a little on the fence on the guy I'm currently dating. He already wants to meet them and become exclusive, so far I've told him it's too soon to do that.
todreaminblue Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I'm interested to know what are the biggest problems single mums face when starting to date again. meeting someone who puts on a different facade, but i guess this happens not only to single mums... if....... though a guy i meet puts on a different facade and that facade includes his behavior towards my kids....and over time he reverts to true self and he hurts my kids....i couldnt live with myself for not seeing him for who he truly was because it isnt just me i have to think about..i am due to circumstance a package deal..............if didnt have three girls who have already been hurt by a dad who left them........and it was just me...i would as i did when childless be willing to take risks.even then i have always dated guys i hav ebecome friends with first...i am a bti of a cautious soul... i just cant take a risk....not risks with my girls...they are too special to me to be at risk........so my belief is for single mums....know the guy first as a friend watch him interact with kids......get to know his heart, how he treats his family, how he talks about women, his values see them actually in action not just spoken about........see him at his most natural....adn thathas to be before he even knows that you are noticing....... before even contemplating a relationship...or watch the news regularly......and pray that a guy comes into your life he will love you and will treat you in a way that you kids will notice and carry with them into their own relationships respect compassion....love......... and that is the guy will love your kids as kids should be loved and not resent their presence in your life.....a true gentleman and a real man.................always......deb 2
Author juliepatterson Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 Having another mans children. biggest problem they face that they cannot change?? 1
Author juliepatterson Posted August 20, 2013 Author Posted August 20, 2013 meeting someone who puts on a different facade, but i guess this happens not only to single mums... if....... though a guy i meet puts on a different facade and that facade includes his behavior towards my kids....and over time he reverts to true self and he hurts my kids....i couldnt live with myself for not seeing him for who he truly was because it isnt just me i have to think about..i am due to circumstance a package deal..............if didnt have three girls who have already been hurt by a dad who left them........and it was just me...i would as i did when childless be willing to take risks.even then i have always dated guys i hav ebecome friends with first...i am a bti of a cautious soul... i just cant take a risk....not risks with my girls...they are too special to me to be at risk........so my belief is for single mums....know the guy first as a friend watch him interact with kids......get to know his heart, how he treats his family, how he talks about women, his values see them actually in action not just spoken about........see him at his most natural....adn thathas to be before he even knows that you are noticing....... before even contemplating a relationship...or watch the news regularly......and pray that a guy comes into your life he will love you and will treat you in a way that you kids will notice and carry with them into their own relationships respect compassion....love......... and that is the guy will love your kids as kids should be loved and not resent their presence in your life.....a true gentleman and a real man.................always......deb Thanks for you comment. So true, and although it's common sense - I think it's all so easy to loose sight of what's also important for the children not just yourself. Any single mums hoping to date again, should definitely read this. 1
todreaminblue Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 Thanks for you comment. So true, and although it's common sense - I think it's all so easy to loose sight of what's also important for the children not just yourself. Any single mums hoping to date again, should definitely read this. it is easy to lose sight fo what is important julie, every woman wants to have someone special in their lives even when they don't admit it and are hurt, unconsciously singles mums they feel the loss, every adult and child alike wants to feel affection and love,its a base need, as do widows, as do single people, at the end of the day when it is all quiet, the kids are in bed and you are there by yourself contemplating your day with no one to say hey this happened or to ask them how their day was and share some dreams and hopes for tomorrow, and instead you are reading or watching tv or praying, and reflecting which doesnt involve a hug at the end........every body feels that sadness at some point but.....to be alone with your family safe and warm in the next room is far better than to be with someone who just isnt into family ....those kids that are sleeping, need someone who cares not only for you but that they care those kids are there and warm and safe too...thanks julie for your answer to my post........you made me smile...hugs...deb
aussietigerwolf Posted August 21, 2013 Posted August 21, 2013 That theyre easy? Thats my guess why would anyone think a woman is easy just because she has a kid/s???
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