How to respond to being phased out...

[Cavendish]

I have been dating (including sleeping with) a guy for several months.

 

We had a great date Thursday before last (he told me he had fun) and I expected him to follow up afterwards (he has always taken the reins after our dates, although I have always been responsive).

 

I didn't hear anything from him, so emailed the following Wednesday (nearly a week after) which he didn't reply to. Admittedly my email was just a web link to something I thought he'd like rather than asking questions/starting a dialogue. However, I thought this would warrant a response and that could start an interaction.

 

I am confused by this 'phase out' and am questioning what went wrong, as any girl in my situation would. I fear I may have played it too cool and been such hard work that he just gave up. I was so worried about appearing needy (after a bad experience in the past) that I probably appeared a little indifferent, and I worry this may have led him to stop contacting me, doubting my interest.

 

My question is - do I try and salvage it, or do I have to just accept that I am being phased out, keep my pride, and try and move on? I kind of want to send one final text, directly asking him out, so I can show that I am interested (and know for myself that I gave it that final try) but equally I don't want to embarrass myself if he thinks his lack of contact is clearly communicating his lack of interest. I'd hate for him to read a text message with a 'oh for god's sake, am i not making it clear' type reaction.

 

What do you think I should do? Do guys ever phase out girls they genuinely like just because they don't think she's interested or fear rejection/hurt from a situation, or does the phase out automatically mean somebody isn't keen?

 

Thanks!

[Mascara]

If you've been dating and sleeping with someone for several months, the last thing you should be worried about is appearing like you're "not getting the message". Because quite frankly, if that's what he IS doing, it's unacceptable - you deserve a proper ending.

 

So I'd text him and ask him out. And if he still doesn't respond, or he continues to fade, I'd bring that right up and ask him what the hell he thinks he's playing at.

 

This isn't some second-date-fadeout.

[pyramid]

I've sent that type of text twice ("hey, I noticed things have changed - I want to get to know you better but please let me know if it's mot mutual") but both times, the fade out was due to me appearing too interested. In any case, neither worked out well... one was "really busy" and couldn't get together for the next month, and turned into text buddies until I stopped responding. The other came over to talk about it and then stood me up on our next date.

 

I am like you, in that I like closure. However, if you directly ask him out, you might just be delaying the inevitable. In my experience, though, it never turns around from a fade out.

[darkmoon]

pyramid is right, anyway he might come back if you leave it, but chasing him could look, well, it might even look desperate, date others meanwhile, you might meet somebody nicer anyway

[truth_seeker]

Sounds like he met someone else and lost interest. Still, he was a jerk for fading out. He should have treated you with respect and told you it was over.

[salparadise]

I am confused by this 'phase out' and am questioning what went wrong, as any girl in my situation would. I fear I may have played it too cool and been such hard work that he just gave up. I was so worried about appearing needy (after a bad experience in the past) that I probably appeared a little indifferent, and I worry this may have led him to stop contacting me, doubting my interest.

 

Of course I can't know what exactly happened in your situation, but...

 

I am really not into the playing it cool routine at all. I will initiate in the early stages but if after a few dates she's not holding up her end of the interactions I just get tired of it and I'm sure it seems to them that I did the fade away. I really do not understand why women think it's a good idea to never text first, never to call, never to invite a guy over for dinner... I want to know she's into it and not just coasting until something else comes along. Passivity is boring as hell.

 

There are two local women right now that I am not dating, after a couple of dates with each, because it's just frickin' tiresome to have to initiate every text exchange, phone call, walk or date. I know they want me to take them out again because they keep visiting my profile... which is their way of saying, hey I'm still here. It's not like I expect 50/50, just 30/70 or so would be fine.

 

I know that back in ancient times women were expected to be demure and all of that, but this is 2013, not 1953. Maybe some of the women here can tell me what's up with this. How do you let a woman know that you'd like it to be somewhat balanced?

[Simon Phoenix]

Sounds like he tired of the chase and found someone who was a lot less effort. Not sure there is much you can do here, just learn when to drop the "hard to get" act for the next one.

[darkmoon]

Of course I can't know what exactly happened in your situation, but...

 

I am really not into the playing it cool routine at all. I will initiate in the early stages but if after a few dates she's not holding up her end of the interactions I just get tired of it and I'm sure it seems to them that I did the fade away. I really do not understand why women think it's a good idea to never text first, never to call, never to invite a guy over for dinner... I want to know she's into it and not just coasting until something else comes along. Passivity is boring as hell.

 

There are two local women right now that I am not dating, after a couple of dates with each, because it's just frickin' tiresome to have to initiate every text exchange, phone call, walk or date. I know they want me to take them out again because they keep visiting my profile... which is their way of saying, hey I'm still here. It's not like I expect 50/50, just 30/70 or so would be fine.

 

I know that back in ancient times women were expected to be demure and all of that, but this is 2013, not 1953. Maybe some of the women here can tell me what's up with this. How do you let a woman know that you'd like it to be somewhat balanced?

 

mention to her that you like to take turns phoning, you like to hear the phone ring, yada yada yada