iouaname Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 So, my ex and I broke up a long time ago and this past month I have been in complete no contact with him. I missed him sometimes and felt bad sometimes, but overall I felt like I was getting over him. Anyway, today I decided to hit up some of the friends that I had also had to cut out of my life. One of them added me back into the group text messages that the ex and I used to be in together. Low and behold, my ex was there! I was a little nervous at first, but we had a friendly conversation. Eventually, he told me that he has been sleeping with this girl since April and that he has developed strong feelings for her, but she is not willing to commit to him and has been seeing other guys as well. Apparently, this is really tough for him. Anyway -- not the point. The point is, I found myself offering him advice and feeling mostly not invested? Sure, it was weird to hear about him with someone else but for the most part, I was okay. I didn't feel hurt or angry or emotional. Is this indifference? I don't know if I feel indifferent, or what I feel at all, but it's definitely strange. I feel like it would be okay to stay in the group chat, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I should.
CrimsonEmber Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 If you feel you can talk to him without all of those old emotions coming back, then Id say go for it. That, and if it doesn't bother his current girl-thing. I personally believe that some people and their ex's CAN be friends in a completely platonic way. However, if you feel you can't handle it emotionally, then don't stay in contact. Because its old baggage you dont need. All depends on you.
cavalier99 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I talk to my ex about her new RS ecetera no prob. But im also in a new RS. The only thing i dont like about being in contact with her is ocasionally i remember something that i sorta liked about her. This still doesnt affect me but occasionally i wonder if id feel weird if i wanst in a new stable RS. Its like we get along like before just with different partners. Id be wary of too much contact because it would be sorta easy to get sucked in and rip your stiches out without realizing it. Also you dont want to be a shoulder to cry on. Cav, 1
Author iouaname Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 That's true, I don't want to be that. At the same time, I feel like my ego is what's bothering me more than the actual situation. Do I care that he's seeing someone new? Not really. Am I still harboring some weird feelings about being dumped? Sort of. I don't know, it's strange. I almost feel like I'm psyching myself into getting more upset than I actually am because I feel like I should? I don't know. It's very strange and complicated. I am not in a relationship at all, and his "relationship" sounds ridiculously unstable and like something that would bring HIM to LoveShack, but I also don't want him back. I don't want any sort of relationship right now...
cavalier99 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Sometime at the point your are close to.. it isnt that bad that you talked to him. It sorta shows you where you are and that NC can actually come to an end and you wont explode. That being said id still sorta stay away and just solidify your healing. Looks like you almost there. Be happy that you didnt have a strong emotional reaction. This is a good thing. No need to be upset. Cav
Echo000 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 im real surprised by this..iv been following your journal thread (Strong is fighting i think its called) and i thought you were staying away. I personally think this playing with fire..you may not feel bad now but it could hit you like a ton of bricks. i hope im wrong, i dont like how negative people can be on here.
Author iouaname Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 im real surprised by this..iv been following your journal thread (Strong is fighting i think its called) and i thought you were staying away. I personally think this playing with fire..you may not feel bad now but it could hit you like a ton of bricks. i hope im wrong, i dont like how negative people can be on here. No, you could definitely be right. I was staying away, and I got through the month of NC and I was feeling good about it. I just thought I was at the point where I could let those old friends back in and be okay. I wasn't expecting to get in contact with him or hear all of that stuff, but I knew it was a possibility. Truthfully, I think about the situation. How would I feel if all of the sudden he said he wanted me back? I wouldn't take him back. I wouldn't be happy. I would always feel like I wasn't valued by him and I would always feel not good enough. I guess I am just wondering when I will meet someone. It's more that he has been the only person in my life that I've ever felt like 'that' about. Now, he has found someone else that he feels like 'that' about and that's good for him, but I just sort of wonder when/if I will ever meet someone I feel like 'that' for again...
cavalier99 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Youll definitly love again. I think right now you need to get to the point where you really value being single and are just going out and having fun and DATING. He shouldnt be in your life for that process. This will be your next big step forward. Once you are happy being single the BU will really start to drift away. And after that right around the corner will probably be a new RS. Id say then youd probably be safe having some contact if you choose. I talk to my ex but i barley think of her at all. She will text me or call. Ill forget to text back ecetera. She is just another person i get along with. I just have too much other stuff going on to be concerned. Once your there go for it but for now focus on getting out and having fun. Cav 1
Author iouaname Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Yeah, that's good advice! I'm getting ready to go back to school in a week and I really want to focus on that and on being happy there. I think that I need to just focus on not looking for someone, and then maybe the right person will come.
cavalier99 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Yeah, that's good advice! I'm getting ready to go back to school in a week and I really want to focus on that and on being happy there. I think that I need to just focus on not looking for someone, and then maybe the right person will come. Good plan. Just try to get to the point where you are excited about your life again. It is YOU time! It is a big transistion going from primarily negative emotions post BU to more positive emotions. But this is a normal and sorta weird process. You may even feel weird feeling more happy. but once you get there youl really start to thrive again. Youll have fun going out. You will be able to date, maybe hook up with someone without even thinking about your ex. When you get there your pretty much over it. That when new love seeks you out. Cav
Author iouaname Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Good plan. Just try to get to the point where you are excited about your life again. It is YOU time! It is a big transistion going from primarily negative emotions post BU to more positive emotions. But this is a normal and sorta weird process. You may even feel weird feeling more happy. Yes, you hit the nail on the head! I have been completely miserable the past seven or so months, and it's been awful but it also got weirdly comfortable. Now, a lot of the pain has subsided and I notice that I am feeling good at times, but I feel weird about feeling good. It's like this weird middle point. Also with regards to my ex, I think that it's more about my ego than it is about him. I don't want him back, but I of course wanted him to have a harder time letting me go and I didn't want to be replaced. Now that I am, it's a blow to the ego but I am not devastated over it because I knew we were both going to need to move on. I don't mind being his friend, but I'm not going to be his sounding board for the issues with this new girl.
Author iouaname Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 I haven't been able to sleep all night. It's weird though, I haven't really been thinking about my ex so much as I've been thinking about whether or not I will ever meet someone that I will share a connection and a bond with. I have been fighting depression and anxiety for a long time - and I still am - but sometimes it just feels so overwhelming. I'm young and I'm attractive and I know that I should be thinking about what a bright future that I have ahead of me, but instead I just can't seem to fully dig myself out of the depression. 1
Hoax Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I haven't been able to sleep all night. It's weird though, I haven't really been thinking about my ex so much as I've been thinking about whether or not I will ever meet someone that I will share a connection and a bond with. I have been fighting depression and anxiety for a long time - and I still am - but sometimes it just feels so overwhelming. I'm young and I'm attractive and I know that I should be thinking about what a bright future that I have ahead of me, but instead I just can't seem to fully dig myself out of the depression. I can relate completely. I think it just takes time? It's hard when you give yourself away totally to someone and they just forget about you overnight. I don't have any advice, just sympathy 1
Author iouaname Posted August 18, 2013 Author Posted August 18, 2013 Thanks I wish time would speed itself up a little bit, though. I talked to a suicide hotline tonight. I'm just in a weird place. The conversation with my ex did send me into a bad place, but not because of feelings for him - because of feelings about myself. Will I ever find love again? Will I ever have a meaningful relationship? Will anyone ever put me first? Etc. I think I just had a kind of emotional meltdown over feelings that were pent up for a while. I've spent many months coping with this depression and anxiety. I thought that it was related to my ex, but now I see there are much bigger issues than him... and I just feel emotionally drained. I don't know if I have what it takes to really pick myself up and keep going...
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