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i run the risk of people plagiarizing or claiming my work as their own. i hope nobody here is stupid enough to do that, but i wanted to share something my pain inspired. the thing that inspired this was that one moment 11 years ago where we were out to dinner and his phone rang, he answered it and shushed me (quietly, lip to finger) and smiled, rushing to get the caller off the phone. when he hung up, he sheepishly said, that was my gf. that was the moment i should have put a stop to everything. i didn't so i am just as accountable but anyway, here it is.

 

cataclysm

 

all it took was just one word- "shhh!" - and a smile

to take everything away from me,

cleverly painted in my warmth and light,

theft never shined so attractively

 

i turned a blind eye to that road sign

oh, i'd seen it from afar

but in that second, i chose adoration,

hurtling straight for the cliff from the comfort of his car

 

but it wasn't fast and loose, the ascension to despair

i was with a broken man who made some choices, too

and i was as much the accomplice as his lover

in ever so slowly destroying the self I knew

 

my aspirations were many and he sat close, absorbing all

broadcasting his desire and affection in every single way,

his body language never lied and i knew he really loved me;

i never aspired to be a cliché

 

so this is how it ends

he jumps out for safety and watches from above

as the car preserving all our hopes and dreams- oh and me, too!-

explodes, denying all the affection, denying all the love

 

he forgot a little detail as he skipped home to his "happy" life

all the strength and light and trust he ever felt radiated from my soul

the "happy" will fade and he will be back to not knowing his own worth,

slipping back into his hole

 

a cataclysmic event can change a landscape to the point of no recognition,

to pain and desolation at my heart's first tear-filled sight

but i stumble up the hilly crest destruction cleared for me,

collecting all the fragments of my strength, my warmth, my light.

 

-rhw. property of m.k. 8/17/2013

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