This hurts so much and I know I'm doing it to myself..

[seekingpeaceinlove]

The other day while filing away emails, photos and messages from my ex I came across a recording I had made as a joke of his remarkably loud snoring one night as we slept together. Hearing him breath again crushed me. I miss him so much. Hearing him sleep...God I adored him. He was so tired that night. I loved stroking his curly hair while we cuddled together.

 

I know I'm putting him up on a pedastal right now and forgetting the negatives...but all I want to do is be near him again, hold hands, kiss and hear him tell me how much he loves me and how sorry he is..and I can tell him again and again that I love him. 6 days of NC and I'm feeling worse than yesterday and the day before. I don't feel hopeful that it's going to get better. No matter what I'm doing or who I'm with..he's on my brain and in my heart every second.

 

This is torture.

[Myonenonly]

[/b]QUOTE=seekingpeaceinlove;5141930]The other day while filing away emails, photos and messages from my ex I came across a recording I had made as a joke of his remarkably loud snoring one night as we slept together. Hearing him breath again crushed me. I miss him so much. Hearing him sleep...God I adored him. He was so tired that night. I loved stroking his curly hair while we cuddled together.

 

I know I'm putting him up on a pedastal right now and forgetting the negatives...but all I want to do is be near him again, hold hands, kiss and hear him tell me how much he loves me and how sorry he Sis..and I can tell him again and again that I love him. 6 days of NC and I'm feeling worse than yesterday and the day before. I don't feel hopeful that it's going to get better. No matter what I'm doing or who I'm with..he's on my brain and in my heart every second.

 

This is torture.

 

Wow! I can totally relate to this... It will get better when my ex husband left for another woman when I was pregnant with our first child it was so painful too, I literally cried everyday missing him it hurt so much I really felt that he died even if I went back with him he wasn't the same person I loved anymore and the thought that the family I always wanted with him no longer existed. One day I was wearing a shirt I used wear to go the gym with him and it reminde me of him I burts crying again even after its been 3 years since the. But after two years I joined the same gym we used to go toghther and I had this feeling he was going to show up at any moment and say "lets go home babe Im done with my workout" and we will go home and be happy! But I had to stay strong he was no longer that person I loved! It hurt me so much I cried as if he had died!

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Gosh, I cannot imagine the suffering that you had to go through with your husband leaving you while pregnant with his child! And considering you have a child with him you must have regular contact? How hard must that have been!?!

 

My ex was the first man that I became vulnerable with and loved with no restraint. I think I gave too much of myself to him and lost myself a bit in the relationship. I tried to please him too much, worried about how he felt too much all the while seeing red flags that maybe he wasn't really the right one for me. He was impossible to communicate with and had a tendency to run away when the relationship needed work.

 

I always had the feeling he was going to end up breaking my heart..and he did.

 

I want to erase him completlely from my memory though I know that'll never happen. I want to wake up without a heavy heart and go to sleep without longing for his warmth and his scent to envelope me... I just want him gone.

 

People say I'll get there someday where I won't care about him anymore..it's impossible to imagine right now.

[anna121]

I'm sorry. It sucks and there is absolutely diddly squat that you can do about it. There were times I stayed up all night in misery...

 

All I can say is that it WILL get better.

[Myonenonly]

Gosh, I cannot imagine the suffering that you had to go through with your husband leaving you while pregnant with his child! And considering you have a child with him you must have regular contact? How hard must that have been!?!

 

My ex was the first man that I became vulnerable with and loved with no restraint. I think I gave too much of myself to him and lost myself a bit in the relationship. I tried to please him too much, worried about how he felt too much all the while seeing red flags that maybe he wasn't really the right one for me. He was impossible to communicate with and had a tendency to run away when the relationship needed work.

 

I always had the feeling he was going to end up breaking my heart..and he did.

 

I want to erase him completlely from my memory though I know that'll never happen. I want to wake up without a heavy heart and go to sleep without longing for his warmth and his scent to envelope me... I just want him gone.

 

People say I'll get there someday where I won't care about him anymore..it's impossible to imagine right now.

 

I'm not trying to make this about myself but there's no words tht I can say to you that would make you feel better because in my experience nothing helped only Time...all I can do is share my story.. He did a lot of bad followin that time when he left me he change his number one day I came to our house to talk to him and he treatmen me to call the cops is i didn't leave.. Well it turned out he had her move in our house! Idk bu it seemed like this woman had him hypnotized in some kind of spelled if th even exist! That is just some stuff it got worst! anyways a lot of good thing have happened to me lately not in my love life though I'm really bad at that! you don't compltety come out undamaged! There's scars from that painful experience!