Babolat Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I'm not talking totally desperate, but they have to be at least a little bit. You can at least agree that they are using it because they have tried and not had any success with any of the normal methods, and are actively looking for someone. I did OLD 1.5+ years ago and I was not desperate. I thought it would help me find someone who was a "match" for me. I met a lot of women, had a lot of dates, and in the end I did end up in a LTR. My social circle is fine; most of my friends are married, doing other things I may not be interested in doing (hitting bars to pick up women for example). The LTR ended after 12 months. I recently considered OLD again; just not feeling it this time though. Not sure why, maybe because of where I am in my life right now.
phineas Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 How many times have people mentioned feeling let down when fantasy doesn't match reality? All of the deal breaker screening, emailing and text exchanging won't give you a sense of true, in-person chemistry ... that spark ... that most people need to feel compelled to move forward. It's convenient. Efficiency is debatable depending on how you want to slant your opinion of the process. I turned to OLD because i'm 41 and I just don't meet a lot of single women my own age when I go out. But, i've closed down my OLD accounts again. I'm tired of wasting a week or two talking & texting with women who I feel are average at best only to have them flake on me last min. for a meet then ignore me. Or I do meet up with someone & they ignore me after. Either way, I've had both come back to me out of the blue weeks to months later & act like they never blew me off & looking to get together. Yeah, no thanks. I've also run into a few women from OLD in person that flaked on me for the first meet show interest in me & have no idea who I was. LOL!. Summer's over & I got things that need doing so i'm gonna take my chances in the real world now. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I do OLD because there is not one person that is single in my social circle or work. Bars and clubs are easy for meeting men but most are of far worse quality than OLD. I am occasionally approached on the street or a supermarket (not often though) and not by anyone I like. 1
Babolat Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I do OLD because there is not one person that is single in my social circle or work. Bars and clubs are easy for meeting men but most are of far worse quality than OLD. I am occasionally approached on the street or a supermarket (not often though) and not by anyone I like. Well, if you would move to Virginia already! Phineas, at 47 my experience has been the opposite. I meet a lot of single women in their 40s, more than I did when I was in my 20s and early 30s. IF you really want to meet women, become friends with a single woman. I did not do this on purpose. It just kind of happened. One of my best friends now is a 45 yr old attractive women. We had dinner at a bar/restaurant Friday night and I think I met 10+ of her single friends! She does not introduce me though, as in trying to set me up, they come up to her and introduce themselves! As we were leaving the place Friday night a girl she pointed out earlier came up to us, small talked, introduced herself to me, etc. Later my friend said "Every time my gfs see me out with an attractive man they have to be nosy and come over...if I am not with a man sometimes they never even say Hi!" 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I'm not talking totally desperate, but they have to be at least a little bit. You can at least agree that they are using it because they have tried and not had any success with any of the normal methods, and are actively looking for someone. People who use online dating aren't all desperate. Sometimes people are really busy (like a doctor or big time business executive) and work 65+ hours a week. Or they have other constraints on their time and can't go hanging out every night after work or every weekend to meet people. Online dating can be really helpful for them. I'm one of the desperate people though. Or maybe, OLD just feels more comfortable. Interacting with someone offline you might get signals crossed (they might not like you that way for example). Whereas online there's a built in assumption that you are interested in dating them and they you if they respond and are willing to meet up.
GravityMan Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 It is usually very easy to tell if someone is desperate, whether on a dating website, on a forum like this, on Facebook, or away from the computer at the bar. Such people can exist just about anywhere. Simply joining or being at one of those places does not mean you're desperate or a loser. Dating websites are simply tools, a convenient and/or simplified means to a possible desired end (which can vary depending on the person). Online dating has its risks, downsides and isn't for everybody, but if it's a good fit with your lifestyle and what you want...why not use it? Whether you're a bum or a well-paid and well-liked sales director of a Fortune 500 company with many friends. Desperation can be sensed by the way his/her profile is written, the way he or she writes messages (e.g. is he too forward), the body language and frequency and manner he approaches and talks to women at the bar, and so on. I think some people who tried OLD probably saw a few bad profiles and extrapolated that to suddenly encompass everyone on the dating site. Others were probably gullible and got their bad impression from the grapevine. Stereotyping is OK in some areas but in others it can make you look like a fool. And gullibility can be dangerous. Unfortunately there are still A LOT of people out there who feel similarly to the OP...believing that OLD is only for desperate people and losers. 3
hoping2heal Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 How many times have people mentioned feeling let down when fantasy doesn't match reality? All of the deal breaker screening, emailing and text exchanging won't give you a sense of true, in-person chemistry ... that spark ... that most people need to feel compelled to move forward. Honestly? Probably as much as when they realize that someone they had chemistry with is not compatible for x,x,x reasons. There's nothing wrong with dating offline whatsoever. People don't stop just because of that, but the way I see it there is no real "advantage" in one method or the other. You meet people online to date and you risk no connection in person, catfishing, etc. You meet people to date from a bar or a social scene and you run the risk that their dishonest, will play mind games, are loose in the caboose etc. The idea that someone you didn't meet online is so much more honest and virtuous is a load of crap. You run the risk of players, liars, cheaters, and the like no matter which way you decide to date. I think either method is fine and that both are "normal".
RedRobin Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 OL... maybe. OLD, probably not. I wouldn't use the word 'desperate'... I'm personally put off by those who won't date in their social circle. If the only people they date are with OLD I'm a little suspect. To me, a social circle keeps people on the straight and narrow. One is a lot less likely to be a total d*ck when there are consequences for doing so. People also tend to take their time and use a bit more caution when they meet IRL and have a social network to make them accountable... which is how it should be when you are swapping bodily fluids. That's my opinion, anyway. 1
Star Gazer Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 How many times have people mentioned feeling let down when fantasy doesn't match reality? All of the deal breaker screening, emailing and text exchanging won't give you a sense of true, in-person chemistry ... that spark ... that most people need to feel compelled to move forward. It's convenient. These comments belie the fact that using OLD isn't desperate; but you don't see that.
hoping2heal Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I dated someone in my circle last year, never again. When thing didn't pan out it completely sucked wondering if I was going to be invited to things I knew he'd be at. And when he started dating another girl and bringing her around it was a whole new world of suck. I value my circle of friends dearly and don't want to jeopardize that ever again. Yup!! This exactly Dating in your social circle is a bit like dating at your place of work. If things don't work (and no one can guarantee they will) everything becomes totally awkward. Friends feel put in the middle (who's side do I take?) not to mention how friends get involved if something goes down and it can ruin friendships. If a person needs a social circle to stay "accountable" in dating then the problem is them, not the method of dating they use. The age old adage to wait awhile before becoming intimate may seem old fashioned and like no fun but it definitely weeds out men and women who are just looking for a jolly roger and good ride. From there you just have to learn from your experiences and try to be the best judge of character you can. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I dated someone in my circle last year, never again. When thing didn't pan out it completely sucked wondering if I was going to be invited to things I knew he'd be at. And when he started dating another girl and bringing her around it was a whole new world of suck. I value my circle of friends dearly and don't want to jeopardize that ever again. Same thing happened to me. I stopped going to the parties when I knew my ex would be there. I even had people text me not to come if he arrived unexpectedly. Because whenever we were at the same party, we started to argue to the point where it ruined things for everyone. People also took sides; I even had some of my friends ask me if it's OK if they say "hi" to my ex when they run into him. It was just ridiculous. There is none of that with OLD.
FitChick Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Not quite sure why some people think dating someone you meet in real life would guarantee you'd live happily ever after. You can have one or two dates and get dumped in real life just as in OLD. You can set up a date with someone you met at the supermarket and have them flake. People are very unrealistic but I think it's because they don't date enough to have a realistic picture of what is involved. Who knew that some men could have silly romantic fantasies like some women do?
irc333 Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Where I live, those who are single AND legally adults. LOL Are cute post high school aged attending the local vocational school and working the local grocery stores, been on a couple of dates with them. Then there's the other end of the spectrum of singles where they are widowed senior citizens, but I won't go there. LOL Well, if you would move to Virginia already! Phineas, at 47 my experience has been the opposite. I meet a lot of single women in their 40s, more than I did when I was in my 20s and early 30s. IF you really want to meet women, become friends with a single woman. I did not do this on purpose. It just kind of happened. One of my best friends now is a 45 yr old attractive women. We had dinner at a bar/restaurant Friday night and I think I met 10+ of her single friends! She does not introduce me though, as in trying to set me up, they come up to her and introduce themselves! As we were leaving the place Friday night a girl she pointed out earlier came up to us, small talked, introduced herself to me, etc. Later my friend said "Every time my gfs see me out with an attractive man they have to be nosy and come over...if I am not with a man sometimes they never even say Hi!"
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