sillyanswer Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Not necessarily. I just did a search on POF. Criteria, 5 mile radius of my zip code, 30 to 45 age range. Females: 274 Males: 600+ All those women, so little time! What are you waiting for?!
BradJacobs Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I think it's desperate to use online dating sites as your only source of introductions. I don't think it's desperate to pair online dating sites with other social activities.
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I think it's desperate to use online dating sites as your only source of introductions. I don't think it's desperate to pair online dating sites with other social activities. Why the distinction? Desperation is a strong word; it sounds like the person has no possible other method of meeting people no matter how hard they try. What if they just don't want to date in their social circle? What if their work schedule prohibits them from meeting people the old fashioned way? I'm not desperate, I'm selective. And then men I meet via OLD are certainly having noooooo trouble with the ladies, they're not desperate either. 4
hoping2heal Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I'm not talking totally desperate, but they have to be at least a little bit. You can at least agree that they are using it because they have tried and not had any success with any of the normal methods, and are actively looking for someone. I think people who use the gym or supermarket are much more desperate. I missed the memo that online dating was not a "normal" method of finding someone to go out with though. I mean I suppose college kids spend plenty of time fraternizing but what about post college adults? You don't date at work unless you're looking for trouble and the kind of trouble you'll get is much worse than just being single. Not everyone wants to go to the bar or clubs and even then the substance of people you'll meet is questionable. There is probably one legit decent person who isn't cray, an alcoholic or substance abuser, or loose with the goose (that goes for men, too) per every 15-30 people depending on your city. Yeah, that's a bit of generalizing but isn't it also kind of the truth? Then, not everyone actually wants to go to a bar or a club at any rate so what should those people do? "Excuse me Miss, I couldn't help but notice the size of your melons" at the grocery store? Well, I can only assume your post was meant to be inflammatory but it just made you sound green and ignorant. Oh well. 2
BradJacobs Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Why the distinction? Desperation is a strong word; it sounds like the person has no possible other method of meeting people no matter how hard they try. What if they just don't want to date in their social circle? What if their work schedule prohibits them from meeting people the old fashioned way? I'm not desperate, I'm selective. And then men I meet via OLD are certainly having noooooo trouble with the ladies, they're not desperate either. What stops them from making new friends and thus integrating themselves into new social circles? How is online dating going to change their schedule at all? If someone can't find time to socialize how are they going to find time to date? I'm not saying that online dating sites are bad. I am saying that putting all of your chips on online dating is a recipe for disaster. And being "selective" with online dating is like being handed a participation trophy. With the amount of scammers, fakes and catfish that run amuck, anyone who isn't selective isn't real.
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I think it's a lot worse to use the word "desperate" to describe those who use OLD than it is to actually OLD. Says a lot more about those using the "desperate" label than those being labeled. I mean, why are any of you posting here? Are you "desperate" for friends and people to talk to? 2
hoping2heal Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 What stops them from making new friends and thus integrating themselves into new social circles? How is online dating going to change their schedule at all? If someone can't find time to socialize how are they going to find time to date? I'm not saying that online dating sites are bad. I am saying that putting all of your chips on online dating is a recipe for disaster. And being "selective" with online dating is like being handed a participation trophy. With the amount of scammers, fakes and catfish that run amuck, anyone who isn't selective isn't real. What about introverts who don't want lots of friends? I also have to say you can have limited time and you'll either have time for social activities or time for dating but not both. I've been in the same RS for several years but I'm a ****ty friend. I've been so busy that it's a struggle to socialize with my friends, this sounds bad but it's almost as if I have to "pencil them in" sometimes. Granted the busyness waxes and wanes but still.. People can be very busy and I think OLD just provides a niche for those people to find dates. I don't really think it's about desperation at all because if you can get someone online to agree to go on a date with you then you can get someone from the "offline world" to do the same. 2
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 What stops them from making new friends and thus integrating themselves into new social circles? How is online dating going to change their schedule at all? I have plenty of friends and have no desire to make an entirely new group of friends for the sole purpose of finding dates. That would be really weird to me. I don't date within my social circle because all the men are attached, and when there were single guys I dated, it got awkward when it didn't work out. People with odd work schedules will have an easier time finding someone via OLD than the traditional form because they can seek out people with similar lifestyles and schedules. And lest we not forget the biggest draw: pre-screening for deal breakers that are open and obvious on an OLD profile (religion, education, desire for children, etc.) that you don't get to know up front and usually don't find out for quite some time when meeting someone offline. Our entire lives are online. We get the news online. We shop online. We seek advice online. Why not seek a mate online? It's efficient, not desperate. 5
StanMusial Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Son: Dad, how did you and Mom meet? Dad: Well, son, back in the old days there was this thing called online dating, before it was banned by the politicians. Son: Wow, what was that? Dad: Well, you could log into a website and email girls and then go on a date with the ones that would respond. Son: So what happened with Mom? Dad: Well son, I had been logging in every couple of days and pasting a message into the email window and blasting it out to 50 or 60 women at a time. Finally, after about a year or so a girl responded and that is how we met. Son: Gee Dad I'm depressed now. 2
Adele0908 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I don't think everyone who tries to date online is desperate. A lot of people just are looking for a way to meet new people that they might not get to meet in the real world or just looking for fun. Everybody wants a mate or wants to mate or both. I think people go online either out of eagerness to mate or secure a mate, or curiosity to see what the possibilities are.
hoping2heal Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 It's efficient, not desperate. I have to agree with this. Desperate to me would imply a person who is willing to forgo their standards, values, etc. simply to have someone - anyone to date them. Also, it's no longer 1999. I don't assume because a person uses online dating it's because they aren't attractive or appealing enough to get dates any other way. Hell, Carrie-Ann Inaba dates online and she's successful and smokin' hot! I know more successful and attractive people who date online than those who aren't BUT at the same time I think certain sites might have "lower fare" than others. I sound like such an ******* today.
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I have to agree with this. Desperate to me would imply a person who is willing to forgo their standards, values, etc. simply to have someone - anyone to date them. Also, it's no longer 1999. I don't assume because a person uses online dating it's because they aren't attractive or appealing enough to get dates any other way. Hell, Carrie-Ann Inaba dates online and she's successful and smokin' hot! I know more successful and attractive people who date online than those who aren't BUT at the same time I think certain sites might have "lower fare" than others. I sound like such an ******* today. Martha Stewart signed up for Match too! She might not be smoking hot, but she's certainly not desperate! 1
sillyanswer Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 The great thing about online dating is that the people who don't wish to participate don't have to. Sadly what seems to happen too often is that they make an account anyway just to prove themselves right.
sillyanswer Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Martha Stewart signed up for Match too! She might not be smoking hot, but she's certainly not desperate! I need to remember to add "have you ever been convicted of a crime" to my screening questions. 2
Speakingofwhich Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Have met some really great guys through OLD. Some who have remained good friends. Just touched base with one of them last week to talk through an issue with. He's a fascinating person and I never would have met him except through OLD as he lives about 200 mi away from me. 1
Revolver Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 The stigma online dating once had is going away now
salparadise Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Son: Dad, how did you and Mom meet? Dad: Well, son, back in the old days there was this thing called online dating, before it was banned by the politicians. Son: Wow, what was that? Dad: Well, you could log into a website and email girls and then go on a date with the ones that would respond. Son: So what happened with Mom? Dad: Well son, I had been logging in every couple of days and pasting a message into the email window and blasting it out to 50 or 60 women at a time. Finally, after about a year or so a girl responded and that is how we met. Son: Gee Dad I'm depressed now. And the real life alternative... Son: Dad, how did you and Mom meet? Dad: Well, son, back in the old days the people I knew used to party under the bridge. Son: Wow, what was that? Dad: Well, we'd go down to the river under the bridge and drink beer and moonshine and smoke dope. Son: So what happened with Mom? Dad: Well son, I had been staring at her boobs and giving her the evil eye for quite some time. Then one night she drank about a pint of that peach flavored shine and before she passed out I banged her in the backseat of her daddy's car. And that's how you came to be, son. Son: Gee Dad I'm depressed now. 5
hoping2heal Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 And the real life alternative... Son: Dad, how did you and Mom meet? Dad: Well, son, back in the old days the people I knew used to party under the bridge. Son: Wow, what was that? Dad: Well, we'd go down to the river under the bridge and drink beer and moonshine and smoke dope. Son: So what happened with Mom? Dad: Well son, I had been staring at her boobs and giving her the evil eye for quite some time. Then one night she drank about a pint of that peach flavored shine and before she passed out I banged her in the backseat of her daddy's car. And that's how you came to be, son. Son: Gee Dad I'm depressed now. This was hilarious
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I'm not talking totally desperate, but they have to be at least a little bit. You can at least agree that they are using it because they have tried and not had any success with any of the normal methods, and are actively looking for someone. Less and less all the time, if at all. What those using OLD are mainly doing, is taking advantage of an amazing vantage point from which they can perhaps trick their own minds past all of their neuroses and down a romantic path long enough to become comfortable there. The well-adjusted and non-victimized people in this world continue to get quite the personal charge from mere vulnerability. And those not especially burned significantly in the past by same tend to be perfectly willing to risk same time and again. Everybody (over the age of 25 at least) is fully used to walking down a sidewalk or a hallway and being physically drawn to a member of their preferred sex, but that exercise seldom arrives with the means to show (or especially share) vulnerability (so people just keep walking, no matter how moved they were). So the OLD subset of society are each drawn toward the means through which they can both reserve/protect their fragile insecurities, while at the same time meting out doses of the personal vulnerability which people in general like to share. There tends to be an important balance when that shared exercise happens in semi-choreographed fashion, and that balance makes for the most likely chance that two people will get past themselves enough to enjoy being vulnerable together in person, be it at a bowling alley or in a bedroom. So there is no desperation inherent in that - perhaps only a shared sense of not having made a very good effort at leap-frogging their own resistance where it comes to (what we used to call) normal dating methods.
soccerrprp Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) I'm not talking totally desperate, but they have to be at least a little bit. You can at least agree that they are using it because they have tried and not had any success with any of the normal methods, and are actively looking for someone. This may be true for some, many, but absolutely not true for others! Crazy to make such a blanket statement or observation. So, I ONLY OLD. Why? Here: 1. I am a single parent with two very young children. I don't have a lot of time to make to do it the so-called normal way 2. Have zero interest in going to bars 3. Have zero interest in dating someone from my job 4. Frankly, I would much rather find out about something about a person prior to even meeting. Believe or not, if you have any efficient communication skills, you can find out at least a little bit about someone by emailing, having a conversation before ever meeting. 5. AND, when you do finally meet, YOU ARE DOING IT THE "NORMAL" WAY! Sheesh. Some of you make it sound like it's a perpetual digital relationship from the get-go... I have had a number of dates with some great women OLD. None of them off their rockers. All of them intelligent, lovely, personable for the most part. And for the record, for those of you who poo-poo OLD and are still having issues with dating doing it the "normal" way, wtf? What does that say about you? I've been on LS to realize that i am not missing much at all doing it the "normal" way. Desperate my A$$. Edited August 18, 2013 by soccerrprp 2
Amethystic Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I don't date within my social circle because all the men are attached, and when there were single guys I dated, it got awkward when it didn't work out. This. I've been seeing a guy who's in my extended social circle. While the potential for things to get awkward between us is slim, it's possible. I wouldn't do it again nor would I recommend it. 2
phineas Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) Way to avoid and deflect more but to answer OPs question... yes apparently sarcasm is lost on you... OP has numerous posts on this forum about his many experiences online dating. He also once posted about how desperate he himself was and going to return to online dating. Then in another post claiming he's quite the catch. OP is all over the board with a different story. So ya'll roasting a roll bread or OP is serious and a hypocrite. Edited August 18, 2013 by phineas 1
affairaddict Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I use online dating. I See myself as a 9 and I have. Good personality. I use it mainly to chat to strangers and broaden my horizons possible meet someone whom id never cross paths with. I'm a mum of two financially very secure. I have no problem meeting men I. Real life who want to date me. I'm very independent never needed a boyfriend if it happens it happens. Would say I'm far removed from desperate. Trouble is everyone likes to tar everyone with the sans brush and many people think they are too good for online dating which is probably highly unlikely.. 1
BradJacobs Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 And lest we not forget the biggest draw: pre-screening for deal breakers that are open and obvious on an OLD profile (religion, education, desire for children, etc.) that you don't get to know up front and usually don't find out for quite some time when meeting someone offline. How many times have people mentioned feeling let down when fantasy doesn't match reality? All of the deal breaker screening, emailing and text exchanging won't give you a sense of true, in-person chemistry ... that spark ... that most people need to feel compelled to move forward. It's efficient, not desperate. It's convenient. Efficiency is debatable depending on how you want to slant your opinion of the process.
Recommended Posts