roseypie Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I think I'm struggling with this bizarre psychological problem where I just want people to like me way too much. For example, an old but not very close friend pursued me very intensely and then asked me out on a date. I didn't even know if I liked him or was attracted to him, but I thought he was a nice guy and that we could have fun. What the heck! I think I was also flattered by his pursuit and got addicted to the attention. Going into it, though, I started to get really nervous because I could sense that we didn't have the same senses of humor or even that much in common. On the date, we had a good time, but sparks didn't fly or anything. I could feel that he sensed that too, and by the end of the night he seemed bored. The next morning, he asked me out again, but he seemed kind of aloof and didn't keep up conversation at lunch. It really started to bum me out and bother me. I forgot that I didn't even like him, and that we weren't meshing, and started to wonder what I did wrong and why things never worked out for me. I assumed he wouldn't call me again and I beat myself up about our dates, but the next night he called and asked me out again. We had a good time - he was very affectionate physically, but kind of aloof again. I assumed he was shy cause we were getting to know each other, but I think my gut told me that he just seemed flat. Then he told me he'd be out of town for a week and a half, and that he'd be coming back, but that he didn't know exactly when. I have known him to do that in the past (before we started dating) so I believed him, but I hoped he'd be in touch. Before we went on our first date, he had also been out of town, and he'd always text me a couple of times a week. But after he left town, there was radio silence. I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks, and I don't know if he's even going to contact me when he does get back into town (I can see on Facebook that he's still away). I feel hurt and rejected, but I feel so dumb. I didn't even want to date him in the first place! There was no spark on my end either! How do I stop taking every let down and every missed connection as my fault? How do I stop viewing EVERYTHING as a rejection? Dating has just become so traumatic and exhausting for me, and while I know it isn't the easiest thing for anyone, I think I could definitely have a more sane and healthy perspective. Has anyone else experienced this?
theonlyjuan Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Have you been dumped a lot in the past? Maybe you are very insecure about yourself, I am similar. I am obsessed with how I look and if something goes wrong with a girl I think it is because of how I look. People always say it ridiculous and say I am good looking, but you can't convince the obsessed I know really that is not the case, but it is always my first reaction. You just have to accept that things don't always work out and not everyone is going to be crazy about you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with how you are. This can become a real problem if you let it. You might try too hard and scare people off.
Adele0908 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 To stop viewing everything as rejection and taking it so hard when things don't go your way, you will have to build self-esteem and self-love. Your sense of self-worth should not come from things outside of you, whether it's men or money or beauty. Because all these things are temporary. That will be the toughest thing. Building self-love might mean that you will have to take a break from dating and focus on giving to yourself.
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