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I'm shy, bad at flirting, and I don't know how to show a guy I'm interested?

Hoax

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

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How do you approach men (ladies), and how do you men like to be approached? I find quite a lot of guys attractive but I don't know how to make conversation and I tend to misinterpret their friendliness as romantic interest. I know there are some guys reading this thinking 'story of my life' lol. Well it happens to us ladies too :love:

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

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No, I'm not attractive. I'm sure that is part of the problem but I've had 2 boyfriends and been hit on before.

HumptyDumpty Established Member

HumptyDumpty

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Well well.... actually one could write an essay here about it since it's actually quite long and complicated....

 

I'll just take it from my point of view! :)

 

Already, I mostly approach guys from my everyday life! Could be university, a special course, whatever! And I engage them in conversations! I like to laugh a lot about nonsense, so when a guy is in that same mindset, I have a potential candidate!

Then, I try to engage more and more conversations in real life or facebook! If the guy doesn't seem that interested pursuing a conversation, well, I'm more likely to stay away... there is one guy who just stops replying to my messages on facebook! Dunno why lol!

 

In parallel, there have to be elements like: grinning, eye contact... my ex was fab, he used to be my "teacher" and in lessons, whenever we made eye-contact, I couldn't stop laughing! And since he knew this, he always made those faces that made crack like a special grin! Oh yeah, and a lot of teasing, he was teasing me a lot :D

 

A really childish behavior and I love it! :lmao:

So that would be in my natural environment!

 

However, on the outside... I'm not the sexy duckface sexbomb that shakes her hips, moaning weirdly! If I would do it, it'd be very funny since I'd hit something with my wild weird hipshaking and making very odd faces! Which then yet again is a plus- my humorous side which could start some funny conversations again! :D

 

So yeah, I make people laugh, i love it! If a guy makes me laugh then, it's just a plus and a ticket to work more and more to a first date to see how it goes!

I've known for a very long time that I'm ugly and not sexy than maybe other friends I had! That's why I try to make myself interesting with a very bubbly personality that make the guy forget my overweight or other defaults!

 

So flirting, yeah, eyecontact with a stupid grin, but that's all I can do! :laugh: My goal is to laugh and have fun :) Therefor: I talk, laugh, talk, laugh... Might seem boring but it isn't, at all :p

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

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Well well.... actually one could write an essay here about it since it's actually quite long and complicated....

 

I'll just take it from my point of view! :)

 

Already, I mostly approach guys from my everyday life! Could be university, a special course, whatever! And I engage them in conversations! I like to laugh a lot about nonsense, so when a guy is in that same mindset, I have a potential candidate!

Then, I try to engage more and more conversations in real life or facebook! If the guy doesn't seem that interested pursuing a conversation, well, I'm more likely to stay away... there is one guy who just stops replying to my messages on facebook! Dunno why lol!

 

In parallel, there have to be elements like: grinning, eye contact... my ex was fab, he used to be my "teacher" and in lessons, whenever we made eye-contact, I couldn't stop laughing! And since he knew this, he always made those faces that made crack like a special grin! Oh yeah, and a lot of teasing, he was teasing me a lot :D

 

A really childish behavior and I love it! :lmao:

So that would be in my natural environment!

 

However, on the outside... I'm not the sexy duckface sexbomb that shakes her hips, moaning weirdly! If I would do it, it'd be very funny since I'd hit something with my wild weird hipshaking and making very odd faces! Which then yet again is a plus- my humorous side which could start some funny conversations again! :D

 

So yeah, I make people laugh, i love it! If a guy makes me laugh then, it's just a plus and a ticket to work more and more to a first date to see how it goes!

I've known for a very long time that I'm ugly and not sexy than maybe other friends I had! That's why I try to make myself interesting with a very bubbly personality that make the guy forget my overweight or other defaults!

 

So flirting, yeah, eyecontact with a stupid grin, but that's all I can do! :laugh: My goal is to laugh and have fun :) Therefor: I talk, laugh, talk, laugh... Might seem boring but it isn't, at all :p

 

I really like you :laugh: Even I'm starting to find you attractive so you obviously know what you're doing LOL.

 

I'll try to follow your advice :) I just tend to get nervous and feel shy/ugly/stupid and other negative things.

HumptyDumpty Established Member

HumptyDumpty

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Yeah, I know what you mean! And I'm sure we're maybe not that ugly as we think we are but we just feel this way!

 

It's not something that will come overnight! I'm a lot more outgoing than I used to be but I've had years of drama and music lessons, leading to performances, where I learned to cope with other people looking at me, judging me and what so not! And I enjoyed it, I always had the funny roles in pieces and made it my task how to subtly make the public laugh and enjoy being there :)

 

It's like my life philosophy, to laugh things off! We all have a crap day once in a while, that's not why I'll stop being happy! Even my animals are as weird as me and make me laugh haha :p

I guess a partner, for myself in any case, who can see the bright sides of life, can laugh at themselves when they have a stupid moment and with whom we can do anything no matter what nonsense it is, is more worthwhile than a bimbo looking sexy and checking every 5 minutes the hair in the mirror! It's not that I'm not a female looking after herself, I love my makeup and the black dresses but I don't prefer high heels since you can't do what you want in them, some vans do just fine :D

 

I'm actually really crap at the whole sexy flirting thingy! I'm bad at kissing and even more! But well, nobody is perfect ey? So just f* the whole rules thing, do what you feel is right and just live the moment! Enjoy yourself! Don't worry what others think! And I guess that might just as well be attractive and "flirtious"!

 

I actually learned how to move like only one eyebrow or lick my teeth!

(crash bandicoot is my fav with his eyebrows, learned a lot from him, like this

)

It's so ridicoulous that it's funny! And hop, there we go again: humour :bunny:

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skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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No, I'm not attractive. I'm sure that is part of the problem but I've had 2 boyfriends and been hit on before.

 

Aww hell. I bet you are much more attractive than you think.

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

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Aww hell. I bet you are much more attractive than you think.

 

Oh, you bet now do you?

 

Go on, make me rich :lmao:

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

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Yeah, I know what you mean! And I'm sure we're maybe not that ugly as we think we are but we just feel this way!

 

It's not something that will come overnight! I'm a lot more outgoing than I used to be but I've had years of drama and music lessons, leading to performances, where I learned to cope with other people looking at me, judging me and what so not! And I enjoyed it, I always had the funny roles in pieces and made it my task how to subtly make the public laugh and enjoy being there :)

 

It's like my life philosophy, to laugh things off! We all have a crap day once in a while, that's not why I'll stop being happy! Even my animals are as weird as me and make me laugh haha :p

I guess a partner, for myself in any case, who can see the bright sides of life, can laugh at themselves when they have a stupid moment and with whom we can do anything no matter what nonsense it is, is more worthwhile than a bimbo looking sexy and checking every 5 minutes the hair in the mirror! It's not that I'm not a female looking after herself, I love my makeup and the black dresses but I don't prefer high heels since you can't do what you want in them, some vans do just fine :D

 

I'm actually really crap at the whole sexy flirting thingy! I'm bad at kissing and even more! But well, nobody is perfect ey? So just f* the whole rules thing, do what you feel is right and just live the moment! Enjoy yourself! Don't worry what others think! And I guess that might just as well be attractive and "flirtious"!

 

I actually learned how to move like only one eyebrow or lick my teeth!

(crash bandicoot is my fav with his eyebrows, learned a lot from him, like this

)

It's so ridicoulous that it's funny! And hop, there we go again: humour :bunny:

 

I love your kick ass attitude. I'm going to think to myself "be like Humpty Dumpty" :laugh:

 

I have a bit of a crush on this guy I don't really know, only seem him a few times. He's an older student and a tutor in one my classes. I'm seeing him for a tutorial later in the week so we'll probably be talking about chemistry (ohh spicy stuff :rolleyes:). We seem to have similar interests and I think he's single but I don't know how to be as captivating as some other women. You know the ones who are always smiling and have 2 boyfriends at once? haha It's also kind of awkward because I'm paying him for his time. Maybe he can take me out for a meal and the cost will even out, huh?

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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Oh, you bet now do you?

 

Go on, make me rich :lmao:

 

Well there's no way to quantify it. But I'm thinking you are much more attractive than you think you are.

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

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Well there's no way to quantify it. But I'm thinking you are much more attractive than you think you are.

 

You're very kind, thank you. I'm sure that's true of you as well.

HumptyDumpty Established Member

HumptyDumpty

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I love your kick ass attitude. I'm going to think to myself "be like Humpty Dumpty" :laugh:

 

I have a bit of a crush on this guy I don't really know, only seem him a few times. He's an older student and a tutor in one my classes. I'm seeing him for a tutorial later in the week so we'll probably be talking about chemistry (ohh spicy stuff :rolleyes:). We seem to have similar interests and I think he's single but I don't know how to be as captivating as some other women. You know the ones who are always smiling and have 2 boyfriends at once? haha It's also kind of awkward because I'm paying him for his time. Maybe he can take me out for a meal and the cost will even out, huh?

 

Oh yeah, it'll be hard! it's not impossible but it's hard!

 

I had the chance to get my teacher hehe :p He didn't even interest me at the beginning and he dated another student... well, didn't bother me! The stone got rolling once when he was going round, looking that we did our work he's an IT teacher)! And well, I don't know why, I was showing my best friend a video of my psycho parrot I put up on youtube! He really is psycho I'm telling ya! :D And well, he found it funny, I started talking to him this way! And he came more and more in my corner since I did my work sure, but I added my weird funny side to it! A dramatic chipmunk there, a psycho parrot there, a raving rabbid over there... Complete nonsense hahaha! Seriously, there was so much bullsh*t! :lmao: I once bought a plush fish with me that had the exact same grin he did to make me laugh and we threw it at each other! All in lessons! I guess the mutual attraction was pretty visible to everyone else in the course :lmao:

 

But... I didn't pay for the lessons, i got paiid for doing them by the country, special course!

And, between the mutual attraction and the first date where i saw him outside the school building, 6 months passed!

What I did was.... during lessons, I smiled, I made jokes, I started to show aspects of my weird private life! To make him interested and to test if he really was interested!

By the end of the course, I feared I'd never see him again! The last time I saw him was to search for a diploma! Luckily, it was him that had the task at the time when I arrived! If it had been the other teacher... oh dear, it'd woukd have been different! Instead of staying 2 minutes, I stayed over n hour where we talked and laughed! After that, I went over to facebook! Friend request and messages! We wrote a lot of messages then over the span of 2 months! Didn't see each other during that time!

But I was pretty cash in those messages! I was in love and I wanted to see him! Cinema and co! Pretty obvious then that I wanted him! Did loads of weird stuff like writing a CV how I'd be a great gf for him and stuff! I build up on the few but intense memories we had....

 

 

My story :)

Advice I would give is- keep things light! A smile! Making him smile with a funny story that happened once during the chemistry course! Be subtle! And being shy is no way a handicap! It actually can be cute as hell, a shy smile & blushing a little! I find it cute!

During that time, try to find him on facebook! If not, prepare your battle plan for the last time you'll see him, in order to get a name, number, e-mail, whatever! You can be pretty cash the last lessons, like leave a tiny paper with your number on it saying with a wink that you found him qite funny, if he'd like a coffee some time soon...*wink wink* Or, with fb- friend request and a message based upon personal jokes and situations between you 2! You create your own personal link between you and him and can continue to do so see?

:)

Since he's your tutor, you can't act before the "last time"! Not only it may be forbidden for him to date students (you know, it has the sour "get under the table" for a good mark or other benefits) but also if it goes wrong, you'll never see him right? Once the course is finished, he can date who he wants and he may be more curious since he'll get the hint that you're interested to keep in contact...

So, be subtle before going to war when the time is right! You don't want him to get away without you would ya! To keep asking yourself when you're 90, "what if"... :bunny:

Knoxpwns Established Member

Knoxpwns

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How do you approach men (ladies), and how do you men like to be approached? I find quite a lot of guys attractive but I don't know how to make conversation and I tend to misinterpret their friendliness as romantic interest. I know there are some guys reading this thinking 'story of my life' lol. Well it happens to us ladies too :love:

 

Wait, there are women that exist that will actually approach men? I'm assuming a guy would need to be a 9-10/10 for that to happen lol

tooslowatlove Member

tooslowatlove

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Wait, there are women that exist that will actually approach men? I'm assuming a guy would need to be a 9-10/10 for that to happen lol

 

I had a woman I was friends with for several months approach me. And I'm not a 9/10 by any stretch - it was my personality she liked. We were chatting on the phone, and she shyly, hesitantly confessed that she had a crush on me. I wasn't sure how to respond at first. It was a bit of a shock and I hadn't really thought about her that way, but after thinking about it for a short while (about 20 minutes later in the conversation) I decided to give her a chance. I was very impressed by her bravery in telling me. We broke up 9 months later, but are still close friends.

 

I wish I had her courage, honestly.

 

So try flirting, as suggested elsewhere in this thread, and if he doesn't get it, just tell him you're interested. If he doesn't at least take it as a heck of a compliment, then he's probably not worth your time anyway.

 

(So easy to tell others to do it, so difficult to do myself.)

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Hoax Established Member

Hoax

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Wait, there are women that exist that will actually approach men? I'm assuming a guy would need to be a 9-10/10 for that to happen lol

 

Hah! No way. I never go for the super attractive guys. Maybe if I looked like Miranda Kirr lol.

Knoxpwns Established Member

Knoxpwns

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Hah! No way. I never go for the super attractive guys. Maybe if I looked like Miranda Kirr lol.

 

Hehe, well then lets say in hypothetical world you decided I was a pretty cool dude or something to that extent. If I could have a method for you to approach, it would be a good ol' shotgun method.

 

Get some light flirt on, crack a ****ty joke, and if he responds and laughs, (regardless of friendly or romantic) then pull the trigger and ask.

 

"Hey im new around here, would you wanna hang out or get some food or something?" To that effect. If the feelings were returned, I would be enthralled to have a cool gal fall into my lap. I hate "the chase"... its so 10th grade.

 

Please don't sell yourself short based on looks. Its not the end all factor for some of us guys. I would take a 5/10 I love to be with over a vapid, self absorbed 9/10 any day of the week.

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Knoxpwns Established Member

Knoxpwns

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Ok so I wanted to add a bit more but was replying on the fly and can't edit now.

 

To add, I think it's badass you at least got the stones to approach people even if you are shy. I am crazy shy myself, and have never been able to approach someone at random.

 

Im the guy so it's automatically expected that I initiate. It's tough. The idea of girls who will actually approach guys seems mythical to me, but then again I have never been hit on before. It probably happens a lot more than I realize.

 

Either way, you're the female in a society where men initiate, so just don't overthink it when you decide to initiate. Just be you.

darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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No, I'm not attractive. I'm sure that is part of the problem but I've had 2 boyfriends and been hit on before.

 

 

show more skin :cool:

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Guy here...tough question I will try to answer from my perspective. I am shy myself and have never intentionally approached a woman in a bar, a club, anywhere for the matter with the intent of "meeting her" for sex, dating, etc. And I spend a lot of time by myself...which I am growing to like.

 

Men, like everyone, like attention. If I am in a bar/club and an obviously drunk women approaches me assertively, BIG turn off, not matter how attractive she is. I love class, sophistication and a woman who can control herself. I was approached in a bar 2 weekends ago by a girl who asked me to sing happy birthday to her friend. It was a group of 4-5 girls. I thought this was original, though kind of assertive as an "introduction".

 

So, be flirty, but with class. Flirt in an environment you are comfortable in. For example, if you like to do xyz, and you see a man while doing xyz, find something to start a talk around. I like to bike. I am in a biking group. If I saw an attractive woman in the group I may try to ride with her, or talk to her about her bike, her gear, for example.

 

If you are at the coffee shop, bookstore, etc, and see a man you are attracted to, try to sit next to home, maybe comment on the book he is reading, comment on his clothes (yes, I love for a women to comment on my clothes) as do women.

 

And again, join some MeetUps....Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup.

 

Good luck! And if your avatar is you I find you attractive!

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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Oh, you bet now do you?

 

Go on, make me rich :lmao:

 

Well, if that's you in your avatar; then I win. You are very attractive.

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