OhChihuahua Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Hi, I'm new. I'm just going to kind of jump right in here, I need some advice on a situation thats come up between my boyfriend (E) and I. We are both a little older, we've both been married and divorced. Neither one of us has kids. We both know where we are going and what we want in life, so we have been moving a little "fast". We knew each other for a few months before we started dating. We've been together a little over two months now. Done the whole "I love you" thing. Had serious discussions about the future etc etc. Problem 1. When we had first met, I had told him I didn't want kids. I was scared. My ex husband had been pretty emotionally and mentally abusive and had done a lot of damage when it came to my desire to have a child with someone who was only probably going to leave me anyway. But with E, I immediately felt a connection that I've never felt before. It was an immediate click and we both felt it at the same time even though I tried to deny it happened at first. I can see myself having children with E someday at some point. I do want children. More than anything. But because I originally told E that I did not, that is what he thinks I truly feel despite telling him again and again and explaining that that is not how I feel about it. Yet I feel like he still doubts that I do want kids. Any suggestions on how i might be able to communicate this differently to him? Problem 2. When I say moving fast, E has brought it up often about how things are going to move fast for us. Originally it meant (and I found out after he told me loved me) that he was either going to fall in love with me or we would find out that this wasn't going to really pan out sooner rather than later. Obviously, its going in the positive direction rather than the opposite. However, moving fast has taken on a new meaning now. A new level. He's saying he needs me to sync up with him and quickly. But when I ask him what that means, he can't give me an answer. Part of me thinks this goes back to the whole kids situation and probably some doubt on his end that I'm over my ex husband leaving me and moved on from it (it was an extremely devastating event for me since I'm the type of person who makes a promise "for better or worse, till death do us part" and means the hell out of it) since he saw some pictures on my laptop from my wedding years ago and some other things I've had around the house (no we don't live together) that he's just come across in day to day activity. Does anyone have any input into my situation or maybe similar experience? Even some words of wisdom or insight would be helpful. Thank you in advance.
Philosoraptor Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Well if things are going positive then I'd just say what you said here. Explain to him that at no other point in your life did you believe you would meet someone that you wanted to have children with. Now that you've met him, he is someone you could truly see having a family with. Make it a positive conversation about how comfortable and happy he makes you, not one that necessarily has anything to do with the past.
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