KissMyTiara Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 I've made up my mind that I am going to tell MM's W about our affair, but I am going to wait until after the beginning of the new year. But how should I do it?
bluechocolate Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 Happy New Year! by the way.......... If you're ending it then really, what's the point in telling her? She probably knows something already. End it & move on.
Author KissMyTiara Posted November 8, 2004 Author Posted November 8, 2004 I'll tell you why. Because he and I have had unprotected sex on numerous occasions, and now that I know I am 100% clean and healthy, I want to make sure that she remains that way as well. Once I end it, if what everyone says is true, he will F$$$ someone else, right? Again, with no protection, right?! And what if that person has a lethal STD? She should KNOW that he does this. And yes, I don't want him to get away with it.
katty Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 this is just my opinion but maybe you will understand, A) if you tell the wife, you are definitely ending things with the MM b/c if he does leave her he will blame you later on B) The wife may already know about the affair or even affairs but turns a blind eye to the situation for who knows what reasons, children, security, whatever . I have been friends with both the other woman and also I have been friends with women who were married and their husband cheated on them. Some just don't want to know. It sounds crazy but it is true. C) Get someone uninvolved to tell if you feel it must be done, but just remember that eventually it will be traced back to you. I am not trying to discourage you from telling her I am just telling you what I have found to be true. OK OK OK you talked me into it, whats the number I will call and tell her for you. LOL All kidding aside I do think it would be a very bad idea for you to tell b/c you are the OW so the wife and the MM will both see where you would have something to gain from it. I actually had a friend that knew her husband was cheating and was leaving him at the end of the month, already made plans and then the OW contacted her to talk and guess what happened my dear friend decided to stay. I think the OW just made my friend want to hold on to her husband just to show that she could. Who knows, it is a very delicate and difficult situation and someone will always be hurt and someone will be blamed. Let me know what you decide. I wish you the very best. Kat
meanon Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 There is no right way for you to tell her as she will not want to hear it from you. If you're determined to do it then at least don't pretend that she matters to you. As long as the fall out from the affair continues to guide your actions, you are unlikely to achieve the fresh start you deserve. He may deserve to suffer but you and others will also suffertoo, KissMyTiara. I worry that one day you'll look back at this and deeply regret having made the wrong choice. I hope I'm wrong.
fanou22 Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 I have dreams sometimes of telling xMM's wife. KMT, I do understand that you want to tell her but is it only because of potential STD? Are you thinking that maybe you can hurt him more than he hurt you? You don't have to answer this. It is meant only for you. I have toyed with the idea of telling the wife but I would never work the courage to do so. Even through a third party. If she is meant to find about she will but it will not be through me. I believe in women's sixth sense and a lot of times though the wife might suspect something is going on, she will turn a blind eye to it instead of investigating and facing the truth.
immoralist Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 kmt, you're not a public health officer, you're a frustrated, pissed-off girl friend who's understandably fed up with her MM's "cake man" identity. Vengeance is not always sweet--especially with an innocent spouse and young children involved. As I remember, your MM is a serial adulterer. He most likely will find someone, in short order, to replace you. If you find out the new OW's identity, call her up and warn her about this serial philanderer. But don't bring his wife and kids into this sordid melodrama because you're angry that he won't leave them for you. Tell him he's a ****, give him hell, attack his masculinity (a man's sense of humor ends below his belt) but don't drag his wife and kids into your break-up. Don't destroy this family under the pretext of saving it. Please reconsider.
Author KissMyTiara Posted November 8, 2004 Author Posted November 8, 2004 ...of the error in my ways. We're not broken up, we're nowhere near it. Sometimes I WANT us to be, and I know that telling her would do it and he'd never speak to me again - which would be a lot easier than just telling him not to call or however it is people go about voluntary NC. But for the record, I wouldn't have destroyed this family by telling her. He already did, years ago, IMHO.
immoralist Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 kmt, does the wife know of any of her husband's affairs? If so, which ones? Why does she tolerate the abused marriage? Did he promise her that he would change? What reasons does he give you for betraying her? Nothing in common. Too fat. Too ugly. Boring. Stupid. Cold in bed. Boring in bed. No oral sex. I'm sure the list goes on and on and on.
I Survived Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Please Please Please reconsider your plan to contact the wife and tell her about her husband's affair with you. Obviously the DOG has his wife brainwashed to believe anything he says and she will blame you. Find a way to end it with the low-life and move on. He is not worth screwing up your life. Put your focus on something better - you deserve it. My credentials - I have been the OW and never dreamed of telling his W and I have been cheated on and would never have wanted to hear it from the OW.
StillHurtin Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 I understand about your concern but I wouldn't tell her. When my H had the A I heard from several friends what was going on. I asked H about it, he denied it, said they were just friends and enjoyed talking to eachother. The more I heard about the A I decided to call the OW myself and ask her. She of course denied it. Unless the W calls you and ask YOU if you are messing around w/ her H don't tell her. I would of hated to hear it from the OW that she was screwing my H. The reason being is b/c I would think she was out to hurt me instead of trying to help.
VivianLee Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 I agree with immoralist, you are ticked off....now I will add what I think, I don't know what is deep in your heart but I don't believe your reason for telling her due to disease! Give us a break!! Affairs are so selfish, the people in affairs are very, very selfish, I know I've been the selfish one, you don't want this to cause you and the MM a break up, you think it will break up his marriage. You know something, even though you are "doing" her husband, you have no right to decide what she should know and not know. Their marriage is NONE of your business. She will find out in due time but it's not your "mission" in life to make sure she does. What makes you so special that you should be the bearer of the news?? You're just a symptom of their problems, nothing special and surely not the person that should decide what she knows and doesn't know.....if you can't leave her hubby alone at least leave her alone..... By the way, you may be disease free now but what's to say he isn't seeing someone else on the side besides you?? I'm not telling you to end the affair but at least grow up!
Pocky Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Why don't you just stop seeing him and be done with all this emotional drama? You're really wasting yourself with this guy.
VivianLee Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Originally posted by Pocky Why don't you just stop seeing him and be done with all this emotional drama? You're really wasting yourself with this guy. We talk about affair addiction alot but I think there are men and women addicted to drama also!
ltomlinson81 Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 By getting involved with your MMs wife, you are merely creating more drama for yourself, as well as overstepping a boundary that should never be crossed in an affair. It is not your place to contact his wife in any way, whatsoever. You are involved with this man, however, you should not be involving yourself in any other part of his life - his wife, his kids, etc... You took on this role by being the OW. Now deal with it on your own. Let him deal with the double life he has created. Be respectful to those who may care about him and keep yourself out of it. Better yet, why not just stop seeing him? Or are you feeding off of this drama? If so, see a shrink, not a married man!
Pocky Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 We talk about affair addiction alot but I think there are men and women addicted to drama also! I agree. There are a few drama addicts on this board.
Amoral Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Originally posted by KissMyTiara I'll tell you why. Because he and I have had unprotected sex on numerous occasions, and now that I know I am 100% clean and healthy, I want to make sure that she remains that way as well. Once I end it, if what everyone says is true, he will F$$$ someone else, right? Again, with no protection, right?! And what if that person has a lethal STD? She should KNOW that he does this. And yes, I don't want him to get away with it. Such bullsh*t......you're looking for a way to nail him because he is someone who you can't wholly have in your life, therefore you feel a need to ruin his, the same way he ruined yours. According to your reasoning, you should become an advocate of protected sex and inform everyone you know about everyone who has unprotected sex. What a load of crap kissmytiara.....grow up.
tokyo Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 I have no clue what´s going on, but after seeing this thread title appear again and again I couldn´t resist I don´t think you have the right to tell his wife anything. I also don´t think you do it in order to protect her or your future successor. You´re hurt and you want revenge. I don´t think it´s worth it. You´ll enjoy it now and later you will feel bad, because you made a fool out of yourself. Take the pain now and feel it, so that you will never go back to him, never regret it and next time try to avoid a man who is not available and liar. Liar always lie to everybody, their spouse, their lovers, their boss, just don´t trust them.
savethedrama4allama Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Originally posted by Pocky I agree. There are a few drama addicts on this board. Like me Perhaps I missed it Kiss, but why are you aiming to spill the beans specifically after the first of the year?
Barby Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 My humble opinion, as this thread was very long I only read through a couple of the responses... I think that you should not tell the wife...maybe (again you don't have to respond because clearly this is just an outside view). Maybe you are thinking she will throw him out, or he will leave and ultimately end up running to you....so basically you'd win. I agree he is a "serial cheater" so even if you do tell you're not gaining anything. He will probably find someone to replace you, his wife probably lives in denial..if not then maybe he's an excellent liar...either way it is not YOUR place to tell her. You are choosing to be involved with a MM and should respect the rules of that arrangement. I highly doubt you're concerned in anyway about her, could it be that you'd like her to know she's not his "one and only" and maybe make her feel the pain that you probably feel each time he leaves you and goes home to her?
Karlise13 Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 I don't see the point of telling his wife. Are you honestly concerned for her welfare or do you REALLY just want to make your former lover miserable? I find it strange that NOW you find yourself verily concerned for this poor woman's well being....while before it was a non-issue? I like your honesty in most of your posts, KM....I think in this instance, however, you're kidding yourself. You're not protecting this lady by telling her, "Hey I schtupped your husband! So watch out! He's a cheater!" What you WILL do is batter her ego. The sound of your voice on the phone will burn her ears and sear itself into her memory. Or the handwriting she sees reading your letter will make her mind race for years afterwards. Was that loopy dot over the 'i' an indication of youth? Is this a girl he was in love with? Were her curly 'S's and 'C's' indicative of a sexual wildness? What kind of girl did my husband fall in love with? Leave her be. If you're the only one he slept with and you're clean, then she doesn't have to worry. if he's already cheating with someone else, well it's likely he'll continue to do so. It's time to butt out.
immoralist Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Well, kmt, LoveShackers have spoken: The unanimous position, as persuasively stated by Karlisle13, is not to contact your MM's wife. Please heed this wise counsel. Take a deep breath before telling the wife about her husband's affair. If you feel that you're on the verge of contacting the wife, please first PM me or anyone else who has posted on this Thread whose counsel you respect. Please don't harm the wife to retaliate against your MM. Your MM has devastated your life, please don't devastate hers, and that of their children.
DoggyDog Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 My MM W found out by "MY" mistake...I thought I called his cell phone and left a message about the nice package he sent me...needless to say, my phone rang at my work...it was the "W" and that's how she found out thru me...we were civil on the phone but my heart was pounding...and I know hers was too....questions were asked and I stated the facts....Also, his son listened to the answering machine on that call.....So that's what I experienced....but my MM never blamed me for anything and we are still together over 15 yrs...I don't know what went down there and he never got mad at me...So, that's how she was told about me.
Author KissMyTiara Posted November 8, 2004 Author Posted November 8, 2004 Originally posted by KissMyTiara ...of the error in my ways. Please, just hear me out!!
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