SunsetRed Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Just a thought...anyone ever look or look back at your times w MM/xMM and realize what a ball and chain he is/was? Now that he's out of my life, I go to concerts, festivals, gasp...public events where there are news people and cameras that will later show the event on the news and guess what...its effing fun and the people I see at these fun activities are not afraid to be seen w me. I'm no longer limited to one block in one certain city where no one will see me and the "partner" Im supposedly with. Its nice. Im really starting to realize how nice it is. for a long time, I was forcing myself to go out, to heal my broken heart and maybe to meet someone else. I couldn't appreciate how blessed I was to have dodged a bullet and gotten off the leash I was on. Now, I appreciate it. So, how many of you on this forum feel like your MM had/has you on a leash or makes you live a life of restriction. OWs are so restricted. We cant call/text or see these men when we want, yet we have to be right there when they want us. Then we have to be careful not to be seen in public, or by certain people and there's always places we cant go and things we cant do because of MM. I'm glad to be off my leash. I hope I never get weak enough to get back on any more leashes or restrictions to my life. Life is short, I want to live it and appreciate it. 10
GreySkyMorning Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Just a thought...anyone ever look or look back at your times w MM/xMM and realize what a ball and chain he is/was? Now that he's out of my life, I go to concerts, festivals, gasp...public events where there are news people and cameras that will later show the event on the news and guess what...its effing fun and the people I see at these fun activities are not afraid to be seen w me. I'm no longer limited to one block in one certain city where no one will see me and the "partner" Im supposedly with. Its nice. Im really starting to realize how nice it is. for a long time, I was forcing myself to go out, to heal my broken heart and maybe to meet someone else. I couldn't appreciate how blessed I was to have dodged a bullet and gotten off the leash I was on. Now, I appreciate it. So, how many of you on this forum feel like your MM had/has you on a leash or makes you live a life of restriction. OWs are so restricted. We cant call/text or see these men when we want, yet we have to be right there when they want us. Then we have to be careful not to be seen in public, or by certain people and there's always places we cant go and things we cant do because of MM. I'm glad to be off my leash. I hope I never get weak enough to get back on any more leashes or restrictions to my life. Life is short, I want to live it and appreciate it. I like your message. :-) I'm still in the forcing myself stage. But I'm seeing little glimpses of freedom sometimes. Like tonight, I took my kids and my mother to an outdoors concert on the river. I actually left my phone in the car! And I didn't miss it a bit. Tomorrow night, we're going to an outdoor movie and then the state fair all day Sunday! I can't wait. He never told me not to do any of those things. But when we were together, I wouldn't have enjoyed them. I would have been taking pics for him, or messaging him the whole time, and generally focusing on him and my phone, instead of the activity and my family. My kids are pretty cool! I've been missing out on some things. 2
maidai Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Yes and its only been two weeks. Our situation was different he was long time seperated (3 years) and went back to his wife on the day of the decree nisi. Our relationship was out in the open all the way through and he never stopped me doing all of the above with friends and I also had holidays concerts etc with him. We had a good fun time. However, emotionally I am now realising he was a ball and chain and a neck, everything was about him and his needs and how he felt and the constant texts etc made me feel the same. I never fully relaxed and enjoyed time out with friends and family because I was still texting him or him texting me. Last night I went for a long walk for two hours with the dogs and did not take my phone and I have been leaving it un attended more and more. I dont miss it and its really liberating. This week alone I am out tonight and tomorrow night on the town, swimming Monday, Tuesday out on my bike, Wednesday going to cave training, Thursday out for a meal and so on so forth. I am really having a great time.
TaintedLuv Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 (edited) It's an amazing feeling to be out without worrying about anything. Anytime I would go out with my friends to a club or a concert, he would ruin my night by making comments like "I guess Ur out flirting and looking for my replacement, how many numbers did u get? Etc". He was extremely jealous. I feel like he thought if he ruined my night texting me the entire time, making me feel like i was doing something wrong then i wouldn't meet anyone else. Mind u, I was faithful and loyal to him the entire time unless we went NC and then only once did I date someone briefly. Which was also amazing not because of the guy (he was a tool) but because someone actually came to my front door and treated me like a human being. I didnt have to drive an hour out of my way to hang out in car/hotel or fly across the country to walk around in public. My xMM was super insecure because he knew he wasn't offering me anything real and could lose me at anytime because he wasn't willing to be with me in real life. That shouldn't make me the bad guy for wanting some legitimate happiness in my life though. Nothing changed since NC except now no one gets to ruin my night then crawl into bed with someone that isn't me! Edited August 17, 2013 by TaintedLuv 4
Speakingofwhich Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Yes and its only been two weeks. Our situation was different he was long time seperated (3 years) and went back to his wife on the day of the decree nisi. What's nisi?
maidai Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 What's nisi? Here is a link that explains how divorcee works here in the Uk x Basically its the last hearing on a divorcee before it become absolute 6 weeks later Decree nisi - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Goodbye Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 My exMM has been a mental ball and chain more than anything. Throughout the relationship and now the recovery period, I had a foreboding feeling. Knowing how in love I was feeling and knowing there was nowhere for that love to grow with a MM. Letting go of him has allowed me to feel fleeting glimmers of hope again, which in a sense does feel like the release of a heavy weight wearing me down. It is very wearing being "the secret." We would enjoy our times together in "other cities," and even then, he'd be looking over his shoulder or responding like a trained dog when his cellphone would ring. I don't want that feeling ever again. 1
fanine Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I remember the feeling of relief I would actually have when I was still with him, when he was away and there was no way we could meet. In his home country it was also even difficult for him to email or text. I would feel a sense of freedom, just getting on with my day to day life without wondering when he might next be free. I never sat around waiting for him and I never cancelled on friends when he was around but I was always worried the times he would be free, I would be busy as it was impossible always to plan meeting. Then I would feel bad I wasn't free when he wanted me to be. Even when I was working! I wasn't looking at my phone when he was away wondering if I would hear from him. I felt far more at peace......
Lady2163 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 If you're looking for a happily ever after type of relationship, then dating a married person is agony. I wasn't, so it didn't bother me that much. It did take us a while to figure some things out. He lives in a city, so when I went to visit, we needed to coordinate schedules in a detailed manner. I didn't like being tied to the hotel, waiting to find out at the last minute if he was free for lunch. The first few times I tried to get information, he wasn't very forthcoming. I finally had to tell him, "I want to go to the Apple store, it's on the other side of town. I don't want to almost get there and have you call to say you have some time." I also learned to ask when he was NOT available.
thefooloftheyear Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Good... And just imagine, you had the key in your pocket the whole time... TFY 1
So happy together Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Great post! I can so relate, and sounds like you are in a much healthier and happier place. Expect rebuttal in, 5...4...3... LMAO! Okay, I'll bite. My R was never like this. Sorry. Although, OP, if you were feeling like yours was and you're out from under it, I think it's fantastic!
TaintedLuv Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 LMAO! Okay, I'll bite. My R was never like this. Sorry. Although, OP, if you were feeling like yours was and you're out from under it, I think it's fantastic! Maybe that's the difference between the As that end up as real relationships vs not. 1
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