Redheart50 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Would someone (preferably a guy) tell me why some choose to dump a woman by ignoring her? granted I have not bugged him. I made 3 different attempts to talk to him and he's ignored all 3 in the course of 16 days. I won't beg him to communicate, but I would like to know why he's doing this? So, here's a little history. We met 11 1/2 years ago, the relationship has always been a bit volatile, but we've survived. We were both married when we met. We agreed we would get divorces so as to not cheapen our relationship. 6 months into the relationship I got my divorce. 11 years later he got his divorce, but not for me, but because he decided he wanted to buy a house and didn't want his wife to have any part of it. So, he buys his house, I am there with him every step of the way. He tells me he wants me to move in 6months after he's moved in, to give him time to get adjusted to his first home. for 1 1/2 yrs it's better than it's ever been. We've always had a good sexual relationship even after 11 1/2 years, we understand each other, we're both in the legal field, we know one another better than anyone else, we laugh all the time, we both have the same sense of humor, we're basically pretty compatible. We had decided that I would stay 4 nights at his house and 2 I would come home to my place. It went on this way for nearly 5 months. Then he started to tell me he was going to spend the weekends with his parents. I saw this as a reflag. I mean, come on! a grown man wants to spend Friday & Saturday nights with his elderly parents? I knew he was up to something, but I ignored it and let it happen. When I was not available for him on his return, he got very angry and the last he said to me was "enjoy your weekend" that was 16 days ago. A friend of mine was out having dinner and she saw him with another women. She took pictures of him and sent them to me. I have not told him I know he's dating and have proof. I want to hear from him first and want to know why he's ignoring me. We have history, I deserve better than this. Believe it or not, this hurts, it hurts a lot. I am sad, angry, and at times I feel pathetic and not good enough, then I break down in tears...He has always said I am his soul mate and I've always believed the same. What the HELL! is going on? if he doesn't want to be with me anymore and wants to date, then be a man and say so...I deserve at the least that! Sad and confused in TX:o 1
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 A friend of mine was out having dinner and she saw him with another women. She took pictures of him and sent them to me. I have not told him I know he's dating and have proof. I want to hear from him first and want to know why he's ignoring me. First of all, you are expecting a cheating, lying SOB to tell you the truth about this? You were serious and got a D quickly. He took OVER A DECADE! What is it you were expecting from a man like him??????? He is ignoring you because he is dating someone else and isn't a man who wants to talk to you about it. He has ditched you for someone else and this is a classic "if they will do it with you, they will do it to you." What is so hard to understand here? You were expecting him to be a good and decent man (all of a sudden) and start telling you the truth? He hasn't a truthful bone in his body, Sweetness. You DO deserve better. Ignore, delete, block, move forward with NC. It really is all you can do. Any questions you want answered may or may not be answered and you will probably feel worse upon receiving answers. Is it worth it to you? MOVE ON. This guy is just bad news. 1
along60years Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I am sorry you are having to go through this. You were the other woman, the unattainable. Now you are the woman, and he wants what is less guaranteed. The Passion Trap talks about this a bit. Think about picking it up. Sounds like he needs to grow some cojones.
Misfortune Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Men aren't the only one that do the ignore crap; most dumpers, if they're not going the "friend" route, pull that so you can leave them alone. How did you really not find anything wrong with him taking 11 years(almost your entire relationship), to get a divorce. He also did it to spite his wife, it wasn't even for you. How'd you carry this on for so long? Where was the wife through all of this? Once a cheater, maybe always a cheater: Some people change(you) and some don't(him). I would work on moving on and he probably has been doing this for a while during your relationship. 11 years is a lot to get over but you have to do it unless you want more deception and heartache.
Author Redheart50 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 How'd you carry this on for so long? Where was the wife through all of this? Misfortune: to answer your questions. After we met within 2 or 3 months of the relationship we both told our spouses that we wanted to be together. My husband was always my best friend, to this day he is still my closest and dearest friend. I did not want to string along my husband, and actually we both agreed it would be unfair to do this to our spouses. So, both were told. The difference is, while my husband was in a lot of pain, he accepted things and appreciated that I at least had the decency of telling so he could save face and move on. But, different story with his wife she was not willing to let him go so easily. She didn't care that he was with me, she wanted the marriage anyway. So, he never really got around to divorcing her, always a reason not to. He made 3 attempts through out the 11 1/2 years to divorce her, went through the whole court filings, but she always stalled things.
Misfortune Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 How'd you carry this on for so long? Where was the wife through all of this? Misfortune: to answer your questions. After we met within 2 or 3 months of the relationship we both told our spouses that we wanted to be together. My husband was always my best friend, to this day he is still my closest and dearest friend. I did not want to string along my husband, and actually we both agreed it would be unfair to do this to our spouses. So, both were told. The difference is, while my husband was in a lot of pain, he accepted things and appreciated that I at least had the decency of telling so he could save face and move on. But, different story with his wife she was not willing to let him go so easily. She didn't care that he was with me, she wanted the marriage anyway. So, he never really got around to divorcing her, always a reason not to. He made 3 attempts through out the 11 1/2 years to divorce her, went through the whole court filings, but she always stalled things. Interesting stuff with your ex spouses. You were still with a married man so, the relationship was cheapened, you were the OW all along and it seems he wants something new. Sucks, sorry. I'm sure you 2 could've figured something out as far as his wife stalling since you're in the legal field, no? So, somehow he managed to get her to stop stalling when he wanted the house? It sucks and you have a lot of time invested so that won't be easy to just walk away from. I say walk away but, some things are easier said than done. At least take some time to get yourself together emotionally so that if you manage to confront him, it won't be a tv show.
Author Redheart50 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Misfortune: I totally agree, the relationship was cheapened, more than that. and trust me when I say there were many ways to make the divorce happen regardless of her stalling. But, it was his decision, not mine and when you're in love you become deaf, dumb and blind. But, I have to be honest here, I don't want to confront him with anything. I want him to TELL me in my face that this all of this is OVER! I am not willing to make any confrontations, I am not interested in contacting him. I guess I need closure, maybe that is what I am after. 11 1/2 years of my life, I've wasted and I do take full responsibility for my part in this mess. But, here I am sitting in my living room, not so depressed but really sad. 1
Misfortune Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Him telling you to your face probably won't happen based how cowardly he's acting now. Stay NC and maybe one day, when he grows a conscience and a pair, he'll give you closure; don't hold your breath. I understand it being his decision, but when it affects both parties, it should be treated with a bit more urgency and respect for you and your relationship. I know how love makes someone. Most people never get closure, just cold shoulders. You have to learn to move on without it and don't let it hinder your healing.
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