JesseW Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Hey guys, this is one of my first posts, i posted in the wrong section before lol. Anyway so me and my ex had dated almost all throughout high school. Two weeks before we graduate she tells me she likes someone else. The following few weeks she tries to go back and forth between me and him. Gong behind my back and spending time with him, like skipping class to go get coffee with him. The guy had a car, a job, and more money than me. We were planning to leave for California to go to school, and up until then, she was always so eager to go, scared but eager. Finally she takes off the promise ring I had given her and said she didn't want to be committed anymore. (This is after she had stayed the night at his house twice and made out with him both times.) The next day she was with him. She later told me that she liked him for a few months but couldn't hold back her feelings for him. A few weeks after I left for Cali she called and called but I was in NC. Finally I answered and she said that he didn't treat her as well as I did, but it was too late to do anything about it now since I had already left. She said she missed me. That convo went on for another 10 mins. A while later she called again and said she doesn't know what makes her happy anymore. They were having some problems at the beginning off their relationship. I guess she too like 2 days away from him and then went to him again. She then later tells me she is very happy with him. I believe that she is still in the "Honeymoon Phase" as they have only been dating for 3 mos. Their relationship started with cheating, and those never work out...right? Is this GIGS? I read a post on here about it and it hit the nail right on the head. Is he the guy she used to get out of going to Cali with me? He is pretty opposite of me, not all that athletic, scrawny, (Im not huge but I lift weights and go for runs). She changed completely, started partying, drinking (we would drink with each other rarely), and I think doing drugs. I know this is long but it would really mean a lot if you guys took the time to read and leave some feedback. Thanks in advance:) 1
templeofmax Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 You are young and going to college, right? Leave this mess alone. Go NC and ENJOY your young years. I mean, study and make something of yourself, but also enjoy college. You will meet someone else that is more stable and you will realize how wrong you were to want to be with this one. 1
Chi townD Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Nope! Not GIGS! She left you for another guy. period. She told you she developed feelings for him and that, essentially, she valued him more than you. So, she left and kicked you to the curb. She basically cheated on you and left you for her affair partner. Now, it sounds like her life is slowly going down the drain. Don't let her take you with her. Keep doing what your doing. She made a choice and, unfortunately, it wasn't you. So, she's going to have to live with the consequences of her actions. 2
Author JesseW Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 She said she started to like him because she was scared to move to california, thats why I thought it was GIGS becuase she was becoming scared of a big commitment.
flitzanu Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 sure, we can call it GIGS but that doesn't change the fact that she cheated on you, dumped you for another guy, and moved on. those things all happened regardless of the reason. and this reason is, she decided she wanted to bang some other guy and not date you anymore. 2
Chi townD Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 Sorry dude, I think that you're having a problem wrapping your head around that she could leave you for someone else and that there HAS to be an underlying reason for her behavior. Dude, I'm not knocking you for it. It is what it is. Hell! It happened to me! But, given time, I got over it and made my life much more better without her. It sucks. Been there and done that. So, I feel your pain. But, if she in self destruct mode; well, not your problem anymore.
travelonic Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 (edited) Nope! Not GIGS! She left you for another guy. period. You... do know that what is encompassed under the term of GIGS can include leaving one person for the other, right? ... that GIGS, or whatever term you choose to use for it, and leaving the other, are not mutually exclusive? As in, "she meets this guy, thinks the guy is greener grass, and leaves one for that guy" is not only perfectly valid scenario wise, but very much something that could be expected s far as what falls under this umbrella term? Sorry dude, I think that you're having a problem wrapping your head around that she could leave you for someone else and that there HAS to be an underlying reason for her behavior. Well she doesn't leave for absolutely no reason at all, now does she? Whether it is something in the relationship, or having an affair because she thinks she found something better, they are all reasons - and all valid possibilities. "She left you" is not a reason - it's what happened. The action has to have a reason, and when it comes to something like this, whatever the reason it is, the way it happens is so sudden, out of left field that OF COURSE those hit by it as the dumpee want to figure it out, understand it - hell, even those who observe it may want to not just so they understand this stuff, but so they can help those hit by it understand why they feel like they've been knocked on their ass by a ton sack of flour. Edited August 18, 2013 by travelonic 1
flitzanu Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 travelonic i have no idea what you're even trying to say. what does calling it GIGS accomplish?
flitzanu Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 What I find amazing... In this day and age, kids who think they have found "the one" they are going to marry at 16, 17, 18, etc. and are shocked and surprised when their BF / GF wants to go "Sow Their Wild Oats" when they go away to college or hit 21. They seem oblivious to everything and every other couple their age who broke up for the same exact reason. How many High School Sweethearts marry these days? 5%? Of those, how many of those last? hah i was gonna marry my high school sweetheart. obviously didn't work. luckily we both figured out we were too young and decided to not go through with it.
Chi townD Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 You... do know that what is encompassed under the term of GIGS can include leaving one person for the other, right? ... that GIGS, or whatever term you choose to use for it, and leaving the other, are not mutually exclusive? As in, "she meets this guy, thinks the guy is greener grass, and leaves one for that guy" is not only perfectly valid scenario wise, but very much something that could be expected s far as what falls under this umbrella term? Well she doesn't leave for absolutely no reason at all, now does she? Whether it is something in the relationship, or having an affair because she thinks she found something better, they are all reasons - and all valid possibilities. "She left you" is not a reason - it's what happened. The action has to have a reason, and when it comes to something like this, whatever the reason it is, the way it happens is so sudden, out of left field that OF COURSE those hit by it as the dumpee want to figure it out, understand it - hell, even those who observe it may want to not just so they understand this stuff, but so they can help those hit by it understand why they feel like they've been knocked on their ass by a ton sack of flour. Well, hell! By your logic, anything can be classified as GIGS! I went to the department store to buy a green shirt. But, when I got there I saw a blue shirt that might look better on me. So, I bought the blue shirt instead of the green one. I must have GIGS.....
travelonic Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 what does calling it GIGS accomplish? *sigh* WHO ****ING CARES WHAT WE CALL IT? Some call it sewing your wild oats, some call it GIGS, some just call it stupid, but we all know we're talking about the same thing - so really, what is this fixation on what people call it?
flitzanu Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 just asking, bc calling it GIGS makes it sound like a tangible reason, and for some reason people have it in their heads that GIGS is going to reverse itself and that the ex will realize their mistake and come running back...when it just means your ex wants to see other people.
Author JesseW Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 So what do you guys think is going through her head right now? She says she is happy with him, but if she is so happy, then why does she continue to contact me every once in a while?
flitzanu Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 she contacts you to make sure you are still at her beck and call to do whatever she asks of you, and as a backup plan.
Author JesseW Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 So my friend told me she still has feelings for me and is trying to make me jelous by telling me that she is happy with him. is that right?
Sparkle304 Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 Why wouldn't she contact you? You're the back up guy. She may be happy with her current bf, but she probably realizes that he's not 'the one' so she's keeping her options open. If you maintain any contact, she WILL HURT YOU AGAIN.
Author JesseW Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 I dont really think that she is truly happy with him, idk its just a feeling i have. Shes just bring so mean about everything, why is she trying to shove her "happiness" down my throat?
flitzanu Posted August 22, 2013 Posted August 22, 2013 because she's a bitch. she isn't saying she wants to be with you. quite the opposite, in fact, telling you she's happy banging this new guy.
Author JesseW Posted August 23, 2013 Author Posted August 23, 2013 I think Im just going to ignore everything she throws at me from now on, giving that she will talk to me after this. lol that will drive her crazy lol i shouldnt have responded to the last thing she sent.
Author JesseW Posted August 24, 2013 Author Posted August 24, 2013 Honestly though what is the point of making me jelous? What does she think that will accomplish?
flitzanu Posted August 24, 2013 Posted August 24, 2013 Honestly though what is the point of making me jelous? What does she think that will accomplish? obviously to make sure you still think about her 24/7 and question everything that she does.
Author JesseW Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 would you bet there are still feelings there? dont worry im not going to go back to her, im just curious. We didnt end right, theres no way that what we had could just go away that fast is there?
flitzanu Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 would you bet there are still feelings there? dont worry im not going to go back to her, im just curious. We didnt end right, theres no way that what we had could just go away that fast is there? she's the only one that can answer that. either way, she isnt' with you, and chose not to be with you, so whether or not she has feelings isn't the point. she has enough feelings for someone else and not for you to be with them.
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