Love2326 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Very long story short: I'm in my mid-30s. I got married on 9/1/12 to a guy I was with for 4 years. Parents hated him, I didn't speak to my parents for 2.5 years because they didn't accept him. Married him anyway. I bought a house for him (in my name only). I paid all the bills (I make much more than him). On 9/13/12, I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time. He hooked up with female friends in my home when I was at work, he frequented massage parlors/hostess bars, he posted himself on Craigslist and answered ads on CL, he sexted daily, he had a 2nd cell phone and email addresses I didn't know about, he hid it from everyone. No one knew. I divorced him immediately, went through massive depression, utter confusion, and chaos. I was officially divorced in March 2013 and I hope I never see my XH again. A month after my D was final, another guy (in the same profession as my XH, a firefighter) called me for help with his custody dispute with his ex-girlfriend. They have a 4 year old girl together. I am a lawyer and I began representing him. I filed a motion and the hearing date was set months later. We had some heavy negotiations with his ex-girlfriend's lawyers in the interim while we waited for the upcoming hearing date. Since that time, this new guy made it clear that he was convinced that I was "the one" for him. I immediately withdrew from the case and he found another lawyer. Then things started happening. He was utterly loving, attentive, wanted to do everything for me, etc. He did things my XH never did. He showed me there were guys out there who would do anything for me- which I didnt even know existed. He helped me get over my XH. I really believe this guys is genuine and is a good guy. He made mistakes in the past with his baby mama. She worked at a hostess bar. He was there (red flag). He had a 2 year relationship with this woman and had unprotected sex with her (knowing she was not on the pill) and got her pregnant. Red flag. She told him she was keeping the baby, regardless of his opinion. So he got stuck to her. He decided to try to make the relationship work for the baby and he stayed with her for 3 more years, paid for EVERYTHING for the mother and the baby (and mother's son with another man), went $50k into debt. She didn't pay a dime. She totally took advantage of him (that's why he came to me for help: to get her to help paying expenses.) He couldn't move out of his aunt's house, he couldn't buy clothes for himself, etc. All of his money went to his new daughter and the mother. When I told him that women who work in hostess bars do this to all men (i.e. they're trained to take money from men), he blew up at me. I told him chances are that she had sex for money too. He refused to believe the mother of his child was a prostitute (she didn't work the street, but for 4-5 years, she sure got his money in other ways). I have a problem with his baby mama (mostly because my XH hooked up with prostitutes all the time) and I will never look at her with respect. He doesn't like her much anymore but he knows he has to live with her because of the girl. My past experiences with my XH's cheating definitely makes me loathe all massage parlors and hostess bars and all the disgusting women who work in them). I cannot believe this guy can be so naive about his baby mama, but he refuses to believe she did this with other men. He must think he's the first. Red flag. I know way too much about his relationship with her because of the case. Plus, he comes with huge debt, he could never help me buy a house for us, all his money would go to his daughter because the dead beat baby mama won't help pay. His firefighter work schedule would only give me 6-7 nights/month with him alone (without the child). Obviously not a good situation, coming out of a devastating divorce like mine. I am trying not to sweep the "red flags" under the rug like I did with my XH. My relationship with his guy ended on Sunday. He adored me. But his baby mama/child/financial package was sooo bad. He comes with sooo much crap. But I MISS HIM SO MUCH. I'm confused. If I stayed with him, I'd pay for everything. Just like my XH. I'd be a step mother, tied to his horrible baby mama forever. Do I choose someone with an easy life, no ties, no debt, no baby mama, who loves me unconditionally? Or do I hold out (remember I'm 35, no kids yet) for someone else who might not love me as much, but has no problems? Is it right to end it with him?
Author Love2326 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Yeah but they couldn't have predicted my XH would do something like this. He had a secret life. No one knew about it. He really ruined it for the next guy. I just hope I didn't make a mistake by ending this recent relationship because of what happened with my XH.
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