cici713 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I met a really great guy. We have been out on 5 dates. Things seem to be going well. We have a lot in common. But he has only kissed me once and that was after he had a few drinks. I'm quite shy and afraid to make the first move myself. I don't know if I'm just in the friend zone or not at this point. Part of me feels like if he liked me as more than a friend, he would show more interest. Last night I mentioned that I didn't think he was into me, and he said he likes hanging out with me but he's been really wore out lately with work. Do I keep seeing him or cut my losses?
Skyraider829 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I met a really great guy. We have been out on 5 dates. Things seem to be going well. We have a lot in common. But he has only kissed me once and that was after he had a few drinks. I'm quite shy and afraid to make the first move myself. I don't know if I'm just in the friend zone or not at this point. Part of me feels like if he liked me as more than a friend, he would show more interest. Last night I mentioned that I didn't think he was into me, and he said he likes hanging out with me but he's been really wore out lately with work. Do I keep seeing him or cut my losses? After only a mere five little dates he may still be warming up to you. Maybe he's a little on the shy side. He could very well be worn out with work, why would he have a reason to lie after just a few dates? Keep seeing him. It would be a shame if he got some time off work or less of it and started acting differently around you only to find out that you cut him off.
Author cici713 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 After only a mere five little dates he may still be warming up to you. Maybe he's a little on the shy side. He could very well be worn out with work, why would he have a reason to lie after just a few dates? Keep seeing him. It would be a shame if he got some time off work or less of it and started acting differently around you only to find out that you cut him off. He doesn't come across as shy at all. He has no reason to lie but I just feel like there would be more physical flirting and interaction at this point.
Skyraider829 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 You cannot be too general about people and their ways when it comes to dating. Give it some time, I'm sure it will get to that point. Keep up with it.
New User Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Five dates..... One kiss.... Sounds like a friend to me. Unless either he's very shy which you have indicated you don't think he is or you are sending the signal that you are not receptive to him advancing things physically. Given your statement that you are quite shy yourself, I kind of wonder what your body language is saying. 1
Phoe Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 He might be very shy, I would not write him off yet. My last boyfriend did not kiss me until he'd asked me to be his girlfriend. During the "dating" stage he did not kiss me even once. I worried that he did not like me, but he was just a slow mover.
CherryT Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Have you given him the 'green light'? And I mean, are you flirting with him and showing him you're interested? If he's shy and is unsure how you feel about him, he might be hesitant in making the first move. Most guys don't want to be pushed away or rejected in that kind of moment if they're not sure how the girl feels.
Author cici713 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 Five dates..... One kiss.... Sounds like a friend to me. Unless either he's very shy which you have indicated you don't think he is or you are sending the signal that you are not receptive to him advancing things physically. Given your statement that you are quite shy yourself, I kind of wonder what your body language is saying. I've been told I can appear closed off before. When I'm with him, I'm trying to be more aware of my body language.
white Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 He is interested. Many, many people in this world are very nervous about intimate contact. Five dates is not enough for someone like that to be comfortable doing it. All you know is that he doesn't feel comfortable kissing yet. You know he's interested because... he's dating you. If it bothers you that much say "can we kiss now damn it", or don't say squat and dive in. Not specifically aimed at OP: Serial daters need to learn that not everyone has a script in their heads about how this goes and not everyone is like you. Frankly hearing this **** here day after day makes you sound like jackoffs. Apologies if that's insulting to the OP, she's not the worst offender, but it pisses me off. Every post someone makes here about their date not doing this and not doing that yet, as if there's a timeframe inscribed on tablets of stone somewhere "Thou shalt kiss by thy second date" "Thou shalt have round to thy place after not more than 5 dates", just hammers home that for people who date a lot, you really know nothing about people, you really lack the self awareness to know the wackass bubble you operate in, and ultimately, you're actually scarily intolerant of the breadth of personalities and attitudes. 2
pteromom Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 My last boyfriend did not kiss me until he'd asked me to be his girlfriend. During the "dating" stage he did not kiss me even once. I worried that he did not like me, but he was just a slow mover. How was he with giving affection once you got to that point? OP, I don't think you should necessarily give up on him yet, but I wouldn't put all your eggs in his basket. It could be he is a slow mover, but it could be that he is just lukewarm about you. No matter how wore out he is, being attracted to someone compels you to touch them.
pteromom Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Every post someone makes here about their date not doing this and not doing that yet, as if there's a timeframe inscribed on tablets of stone somewhere "Thou shalt kiss by thy second date" "Thou shalt have round to thy place after not more than 5 dates", just hammers home that for people who date a lot, you really know nothing about people, you really lack the self awareness to know the wackass bubble you operate in, and ultimately, you're actually scarily intolerant of the breadth of personalities and attitudes. You have a point, but when a guy hasn't kissed a girl in five dates, he should at least explain to her that he likes her but wants to move slowly. Otherwise she's left getting online and asking strangers to speculate about his intentions. 1
Phoe Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 How was he with giving affection once you got to that point? During dating his way of showing affection was hugs, holding my hand constantly, simple stuff like that. Once I became his girlfriend he started kissing me and we started being intimate. The affection never really got to progress though, as he dumped me after a month. Still, lack of physicality early on is not a red flag, to me at least. 1
Author cici713 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 How was he with giving affection once you got to that point? OP, I don't think you should necessarily give up on him yet, but I wouldn't put all your eggs in his basket. It could be he is a slow mover, but it could be that he is just lukewarm about you. No matter how wore out he is, being attracted to someone compels you to touch them. That's how I feel. Even just a flirty touch here and there. I can't read his mind so I'm trying to go off body language and other cues to see if there is real potential.
hppr Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 He doesn't come across as shy at all. He has no reason to lie but I just feel like there would be more physical flirting and interaction at this point. If you want more physical stuff and flirting then you need to be more physical and flirty. Us guys can't read your mind, we have no idea what you want unless you tell us.
pteromom Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 That's how I feel. Even just a flirty touch here and there. I can't read his mind so I'm trying to go off body language and other cues to see if there is real potential. Does he seem otherwise attracted to you? Does he light up when he sees you? Does he seem interested when he is listening to you? Do you guys have any kind of conversations about what you each want in the future, etc? Do you catch him just looking at you sometimes? There should definitely be some signs of attraction even if he isn't kissing you yet.
Author cici713 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 Does he seem otherwise attracted to you? Does he light up when he sees you? Does he seem interested when he is listening to you? Do you guys have any kind of conversations about what you each want in the future, etc? Do you catch him just looking at you sometimes? There should definitely be some signs of attraction even if he isn't kissing you yet. I don't know if he is attracted to me. The one time he kissed me there was no denying it. We haven't talked much about the future. I want to ask but afraid to bring it up to soon. I guess now is as good as time as any.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 You could always kiss him. It's not illegal.
Author cici713 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 It doesn't seem to go both ways though. She doesn't seem compelled to touch him. Last night I invited him over to my place to go in the hot tub. I would try to get closer and he would move spots. I would have been more touchy feely but I have a huge fear of rejection.
white Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I would have been more touchy feely but I have a huge fear of rejection. Right... I'd use the rolleyes emoticon here but it's smiling and I'm really not.
Author cici713 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 Right... I'd use the rolleyes emoticon here but it's smiling and I'm really not. ????? I don't get it.
white Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 You would be more touchy feely but you're scared of rejection. You don't see anything funny about posting that in a thread where you're asking why your man hasn't been more touchy feely?
Jason-LeeMarc Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 How old is he? I do that now, my reason was because the few girls I been on dates with previously turned out to be a lil crazy I didn't take take the time to get to know them, I rushed in quickly and made moves on them later to find out I was NOT interested however these girls became very annoying and obsessive. Now I prefer to get to know the girls first before even making any moves to see if I'm really Interested in them, and if he already made one move than give it time. I met a really great guy. We have been out on 5 dates. Things seem to be going well. We have a lot in common. But he has only kissed me once and that was after he had a few drinks. I'm quite shy and afraid to make the first move myself. I don't know if I'm just in the friend zone or not at this point. Part of me feels like if he liked me as more than a friend, he would show more interest. Last night I mentioned that I didn't think he was into me, and he said he likes hanging out with me but he's been really wore out lately with work. Do I keep seeing him or cut my losses?
Author cici713 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 How old is he? I do that now, my reason was because the few girls I been on dates with previously turned out to be a lil crazy I didn't take take the time to get to know them, I rushed in quickly and made moves on them later to find out I was NOT interested however these girls became very annoying and obsessive. Now I prefer to get to know the girls first before even making any moves to see if I'm really Interested in them, and if he already made one move than give it time. He's 29, almost 30.
Jason-LeeMarc Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I'm 27 and I do what he does. I'm NOT shy but I'm at a point in my life where i don't want a headache. I work to damn hard and I'm trying to make my dreams come true. Like i said I use to just make moves on girls without getting to to really know them, but after a crappy annoying experience I decided to REALLY get to know them because I don't want another girl to waste my time, so I say give it time and pay attention to see if his asking you questions. Hope this helps Read my post lol, you think u got it bad? He's 29, almost 30.
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