kayjay85 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 So its been 8 weeks since i split from my boyfriend. I have broken no contact already and it hasnt even been a week. Some days im ok i cope but today i am just in bits. I keep telling myself get everything out. I cant get anything done at all i just keep going to its. my ex has been on a date but told me she is just a friend. Weather i believe him or not i dont like the sound of it. I keep telling myself get yourself together back on track then try again. I just cant keep it together long enough. Ive been writing my feelings down which sometimes help but this is just so overwhelming. I really didnt know a person could hurt this much its so intense. I really want to follow the no contact because i know i need to give us both time and space but im scared he will forget me. I just miss him so much. not knowing if hes had a good day at work or just how hes feeling i just miss everything so bad. I miss the cheeky conversations the laughs just time together.i am just so lost today and miserable. I just want him to give me a big tight hug and tell me everything is ok like he has always done. i thought things would get easier but it feels like its becoming more intense. 1
supaflyz Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 There are good and bad days kayjay. The bad days are reallyyyyy bad. I can totally understand how you are feeling. You would figure that the feelings and emotional toll would ease as the time goes by. There are bad days though. Our brains can't totally shut out all the memories and feelings right at the that exact moment. It will take more time. 1
Author kayjay85 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 I am so heartbroken and it is killing me to think i may have made him feel like this too. How can you hurt someone you love so much it kills me to think i have made him sad upset all those feelings. When you love someone you dont want them to feel any of those things. I want to feel all the pain i lied and walked out why am i making him suffer too. I just hate myself i am so confused hurt and absoltly broken. I want him to be happy but i wonder if hes missing me. i know he will move on but i want to try again. I just feel so selfish all i can think about is not letting him move on.
theonlyjuan Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Why did you break up? You sound like you have a good heart in you. You just haven't detached yourself from him and it's making you feel bad. I am 99% sure he still thinks about you and he won't forget you. The hard part is the dumpee usually goes NC. Unfortunately you can't have it both ways. He needs to move on from you ( Doesn't mean he will forget you ) When you start to move on, you won't really care if he's thinking of you.
Author kayjay85 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 Theonlyjuan read the thread i started please.and it will tell you all about it. I lost an amazing person someone who i loved so much and so much took over me. Depression addiction to pain killers. He was so upset that i couldnt turn to him. and i ask myself everyday why didnt i tell him. I keep remembering the times when i was ready to tell him and i backed out i just didnt want to hurt him and in the end i hurt him worse.
Dazzee Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Stay strong, believe in yourself. I'm doing no contact for the first time, starting only today actually. It's going to be so, so hard. I know she won't forget about me though, just like he won't forget about you. He will miss the fun times too, not just you. From what I've seen, the key to no contact is showing the other person what they are missing, so leave, and come back the best you, you can be the improved you. The most important part is to stay positive. Maybe if you share your story then people here can suggest better what to do in your situation. Although, don't listen to everyone on here, some people can just be very negative and judgemental of your situation and possible mistakes you have made (some pseudo intellectuals)
Author kayjay85 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 Hi dazzee i have shared my story in another post i started. please read and share your thoughts. I am trying no contact i want to be a better person but its so hard when i know he is already dating. together 4 years been split for 7 weeks. I wonder does he miss me does he check my profile to see how i am all of those things. How have you been hadling things since your N/C?
Kimmie80 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Stay strong kayjay85. I feel so silly when I respond to people saying how I can relate when its only be a 2 month relationship for me. It ended because of my insecurities. I have started a thread to get some advice. Those 2 months were amazing. I had just gotten out of a 15 year relationship with the father of my 4 children. We were together since I was 17. I never had the experience of dating and meeting people. Just after our relationship ended, I met this guy. He serviced my house and he instantly had an attraction to me. From that day, we communicated every day, all day long. Even at night when he couldnt sleep. He helped me through a lot of issues I was going through. But then one day, 2 months ago, I messed it all up. I allowed my low self-esteem to ruin it all. He walked. I have been in NC now for 28 days and it just does not seem to get easier :/ I have done nothing but soul searching, reading up on other people's similar situations and seeking comfort and support from these forums like this. Between my children and these sites, this is what is keeping me grounded. Good luck to you. Good things comes to those who wait
Author kayjay85 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 kimmie i dont think it matters how long you have been with someone for 2 months or 2 years. I am 28 and i have had ex boyfriends ect but this was different when i met my boyfriend and i mean within a couple of minutes i was in love this what what people meant by love at first sight. It was this instant connection i cannot describe it but just like ZAP. I would tell my boyfriend all the time i fell in love with you when i first met you. I just cant except how its gone from planning on having kids and getting married to going no contact and stalking his page in 7 weeks!! my world has been left upside down. But im getting through it better by knowing i am not the only one. x keep strong
templeofmax Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Stay strong kayjay85. I feel so silly when I respond to people saying how I can relate when its only be a 2 month relationship for me. It ended because of my insecurities. I have started a thread to get some advice. Those 2 months were amazing. I had just gotten out of a 15 year relationship with the father of my 4 children. We were together since I was 17. I never had the experience of dating and meeting people. Just after our relationship ended, I met this guy. He serviced my house and he instantly had an attraction to me. From that day, we communicated every day, all day long. Even at night when he couldnt sleep. He helped me through a lot of issues I was going through. But then one day, 2 months ago, I messed it all up. I allowed my low self-esteem to ruin it all. He walked. I have been in NC now for 28 days and it just does not seem to get easier :/ I have done nothing but soul searching, reading up on other people's similar situations and seeking comfort and support from these forums like this. Between my children and these sites, this is what is keeping me grounded. Good luck to you. Good things comes to those who wait Sorry, did your marriage ended because of your insecurities as well?
Kimmie80 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Your very right. I truly believe in love at first site. He never told me he loved me, but he constantly told me how much he cared about me. Right from day 1. Who knows. Maybe one day he will come back. He does forgive me. So thats a start. He said everything happens for a reason and that hes sure our paths will cross again. I dont know if that was a line to let me go gently or if that means he is keeping the door open for any further opportunities?
templeofmax Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Your very right. I truly believe in love at first site. He never told me he loved me, but he constantly told me how much he cared about me. Right from day 1. Who knows. Maybe one day he will come back. He does forgive me. So thats a start. He said everything happens for a reason and that hes sure our paths will cross again. I dont know if that was a line to let me go gently or if that means he is keeping the door open for any further opportunities? Well, in the meantime you need to focus on YOU!!! Because whether he comes back or not, low self-esteem would destroy any relationship.
Author kayjay85 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 My ex has started to date already. even if it is a rebound it is still hurtig me so much. I have asked him and he has said there just friends but hes already on date n0. 2 within 3 days. i am soooooo heartbroken. i know i hurt him but couldnt possibly think about another person at this time x I have always had exes try and come back into my life so i am hoping for it and i feel like if i know him at all he is having a hard time facing it and thi is just his way of dealing with things. idf he loves me like he says he does then he will be back. dont give up kimmee just stay positive he may have a lot to think about x
templeofmax Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 My ex has started to date already. even if it is a rebound it is still hurtig me so much. I have asked him and he has said there just friends but hes already on date n0. 2 within 3 days. i am soooooo heartbroken. i know i hurt him but couldnt possibly think about another person at this time x I have always had exes try and come back into my life so i am hoping for it and i feel like if i know him at all he is having a hard time facing it and thi is just his way of dealing with things. idf he loves me like he says he does then he will be back. dont give up kimmee just stay positive he may have a lot to think about x Yes, that must be a rebound, so don't fret about it! Continue moving on, and keep hope, but focus on yourself. The exes that try to come back, how long did it take after BU?
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Stay Strong, Ladies...This too shall pass. I'm only on Day 5 on NC and I woke up today with the darkest cloud over my head..sad and angry. The road seems so long ahead. I wonder if ex is thinking about me too though I'm trying to convince myself that he's not and that he's actually doing well. This makes me more motivated to get myself together and move on and never look back. It would do no good to know if he was missing me...he walked away from us...there is no point to knowing what he thinks or doesn't think or me anymore. He chose to not be in my life anymore so all things (insert ex's name) will no longer matter to me. Easier said than done, right? My ex lives right around the corner from me. I've been avoiding the grocery store and the stores right around us...knowing I could run into him. I've filed/stored away everything that reminds me of him, cards, photos, clothes..erased his number, email. I'm not posting on my social media right now...totally going off radar until I'm good and ready. Been hitting the gym hard and meeting up with friends and family. The road ahead seems so daunting but I just tell my self one day at a time and step by step...I'll be closer to leaving this war scene behind. Keep posting, Keep reading, Keep loving yourselves and keeping NC. Sooner than later we will be able to breath normally again. I know it. 1
Kimmie80 Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Thanks Im trying to stay positive. Its so hard when its only a 2 month thing. I doubt he is even thinking of me at all. He probably ran for the hills thinking about how crazy I am. And the fact that I don't know him all that well is hard because I don't know how he is taking it? I just picture him happy that its done and thinks Im nuts. Meanwhile, I am sitting here everyday crying as I am trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild myself. I know I will be fine. Just like you will be. It's just the guilt right now that is tearing me apart. Its because of me that it ended. I made him walk. I lost a wonderful thing because of how I acted. I will never forgive myself completely for that. I can only learn from it. And I am not a patient person lol. When I want something, I want it now! And the fear that as time goes, he may forget all about me. Or he will always remember the "crazy" girl from town.
templeofmax Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 There you go putting yourself down again!!! No need for that! You will find someone else, but in the meantime work on your self esteem. Everytime something negative pops up, just turn it around (he left me because of this and this, BUT I am this and this -positive-).
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 BTW: Every ex I've had has come crawling back. My ex ex ex (first love) is still contacting me (3 years later) hoping to make it work. Saying that I was the one that got away. The ship has sailed and I've moved on from him long ago...so I know I'll be ok..eventually.
Author kayjay85 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 my exes has tried to come back after months even years but i wasnt interested. But its just so hard that a few weeks ago we were talking about kids now he is dating someone new. Are relationship to him was perfect untill i dropped a bomb ok i had been suffering for months but i still think hes shocked. I feel like he will come back to me but also feel what happens in the mean time while he is rebounding what if he gets someone pregnant or thinks hes in love again. oh i dont know imj ust thinking the worst x
templeofmax Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 BTW: Every ex I've had has come crawling back. My ex ex ex (first love) is still contacting me (3 years later) hoping to make it work. Saying that I was the one that got away. The ship has sailed and I've moved on from him long ago...so I know I'll be ok..eventually. So, what is the key for exs to come back? NC?
Author kayjay85 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 dont think that at all kimmee if you had such a good time in those months you just dont forget it. I am really trying to get myself back on track so whilst my ex is rebounding and getting drunk with his friends i will be building my business up. Ive told him i will get over it in my own time. some days i am so strong though and some days i just crumble where is this man i have spent 4 years with who has helped me through a lot why int he helping me now. but i feel selfish saying that x
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 (edited) temple of max, 100% NC and you picking yourself and bettering yourself is the key. It's like this strange shift in the universe happens when one day you realize that you've healed and your heart has moved on..the ex senses it and comes crawling back. Always. By then, it's too late for them because you've rediscovered your self worth and have realized the ex is no longer worthy of you! Do you know how satisfying a feeling that can be? I promise you ladies will be ok. One day at a time! Edited August 17, 2013 by seekingpeaceinlove
Author kayjay85 Posted August 17, 2013 Author Posted August 17, 2013 well i dont know why i didnt learn from my last exes but i ignore them straight away i didnt know about this no contact thing. i was always strong and thought if they dont want then oh well. i cried and got over it i had never begged an ex before. but with this situation i was and still am severely depressed stressed and still have the same medical problem and the fact i lov him like no other. Its hurting me to know right now they are together. im balling my eyes out and hes probably in bed with her x
templeofmax Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 temple of max, 100% NC and you picking yourself and bettering yourself is the key. It's like this strange shift in the universe happens when one day you realize that you've healed and your heart has moved on..the ex senses it and comes crawling back. Always. By then, it's too late for them because you've rediscovered your self worth and have realized the ex is no longer worthy of you! Do you know how satisfying a feeling that can be? I promise you ladies will be ok. One day at a time! Sorry for hijacking the thread. Thank you. Well, I am actually counting on her coming back cause after 4 months I can't seem to let her go. I have been only 2 months NC, but she was the jealous type, always wondering if I would abandon her, etc. So if she still has feelings for me, which I guess she does, me, who always have been there, not appearing on the scene may actually make her think. I was always anxious in terms of talking to her, being there, etc. So this is a good shift in thinking that could also make her see I am changing. She needs to change as well of course. NC is helping me as well, which is the main reason I do it, but I am counting on that as well cause getting over her will be so hard I believe.
templeofmax Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 well i dont know why i didnt learn from my last exes but i ignore them straight away i didnt know about this no contact thing. i was always strong and thought if they dont want then oh well. i cried and got over it i had never begged an ex before. but with this situation i was and still am severely depressed stressed and still have the same medical problem and the fact i lov him like no other. Its hurting me to know right now they are together. im balling my eyes out and hes probably in bed with her x That kind of thinking is what puts you even more down!!! Try not to think about THAT!!! Yeah, miss and hurt, but try to shift those thoughts of her with someone else.
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