jjk90 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I started seeing a friends wife about a month ago. And I honestly dont feel like I have a problem with doing this. But every time we start having sex I cant get an erection. Even though I dont feel bad about doing this. Is not getting an erection my subconscious telling me that I do have a problem with doing this? And how do I fix this problem if I dont want to stop seeing her?
Author jjk90 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 Shes the one who pursued me. Nice solution btw.
whatatangledweb Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I would say it is because in your subconscious you do feel it is wrong. Your body is reacting to that. I don't know how you fix it other than pay attention to what it means. 3
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Shes the one who pursued me. Nice solution btw. Just because you can doesnt mean you should. "Face palm" 3
Realist3 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I was watching TV the other day and it seems they make pills for just this problem. 2
Quiet Storm Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 (edited) Shes the one who pursued me. Nice solution btw. It doesn't matter if she pursued you. Ever heard of the word "No"? A decent friend would inform the guy about his wife's pursuit, not take whatever she's offering up. Yes, I think the guilt is affecting you. No matter how much you rationalize that it doesn't bother you- that it's ok because she pursued you- your conscience is announcing its presence. If you are the kind of person that has valued integrity, loyalty, friendship, then you are acting in ways that go against your core values. In the psych world this is called cognitive dissonance. You want to have this affair with her, but that desire clashes with your core values. Your mind creates all these justifications in order to continue doing what you want. Sometimes this method works for awhile. Sometimes the conflict surfaces in subconcious ways, which I think is happening in your case. Edited August 16, 2013 by Quiet Storm 5
GorillaTheater Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I started seeing a friends wife about a month ago. And I honestly dont feel like I have a problem with doing this. But every time we start having sex I cant get an erection. Even though I dont feel bad about doing this. Is not getting an erection my subconscious telling me that I do have a problem with doing this? And how do I fix this problem if I dont want to stop seeing her? It seems to me that your dick is the only part of you with any integrity. 17
Lady2163 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I started seeing a friends wife about a month ago. And I honestly dont feel like I have a problem with doing this. But every time we start having sex I cant get an erection. Even though I dont feel bad about doing this. Is not getting an erection my subconscious telling me that I do have a problem with doing this? And how do I fix this problem if I dont want to stop seeing her? I'm usually very much pro-ow/om, so I'm asking gently...are you sure this is something you want to fix and keep doing? Bluntly...I don't know if you want her to leave your friend and spend the rest of her life with you...she's probably not going to do that if you're having problems getting an erection. My guess would be if the affair is found out and the husband doesn't want to reconcile, she will look for someone else. But yes, it could be your subconscious and your conscience talking. You might think if you are caught, it's no big deal. You are single. You may even keep the rest of your bros as friends...but I can guarantee they won't want their wives or girlfriends to get too close to you. There may be some subtle jockeying to make sure you aren't next to them when you're out as a group. When I was a teenager, my best friend cheated on me with my boyfriend. I forgave her, forgave him...but ended the relationship with him. I forgave, but didn't forget. 15 years later, I had a boyfriend who was ornery. Naughty, super friendly to women, but only moderately flirty. I didn't get too worked up when he was over the top charming with waitresses, bartenders, strangers etc. But I did tell him point blank before he met my friend for the first time, that he needed to tone it down around her. He was always quick with a joke, pun or double entendre. Around her, he was still friendly, but he steered the conversation away from anything sexual, didn't laugh at a raunchy joke she told (but later told me it was hysterical and I agreed). I was keenly aware that she was seeing if anything was possible. That is what your friends will know about you...and remember it. Oh and she's not my friend anymore. I made a new best friend and don't have to stress if she's going to make a move behind my back. 1
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 This girl could step out on her H with anyone, why you? I'll warn you that people who need to triangulate relationships are a special breed of crazy. Beware. As for the other, get the pill if it's that important to you. How did she react when you were unable to perform? 1
whichwayisup Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 It seems to me that your dick is the only part of you with any integrity. For once a head below the shoulders that knows better. Seriously, your penis knows it's wrong to bang a friends wife. Take it as a sign, a red flag and end things. 2
aspiringuitarheroine Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 What is MOW saying? She may take this personally. Give her oral. Yep. Can't get it up, go down instead...
road Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 Shes the one who pursued me. Nice solution btw. Because someone gives you a gun means you have to rob a bank? Because your car can go 100 mph you have to go 100 mph? Because it is all you can eat you must eat to you puke? You are a nice guy by the way, not. 1
wanting more Posted August 17, 2013 Posted August 17, 2013 I started seeing a friends wife about a month ago. And I honestly dont feel like I have a problem with doing this. But every time we start having sex I cant get an erection. Even though I dont feel bad about doing this. Is not getting an erection my subconscious telling me that I do have a problem with doing this? And how do I fix this problem if I dont want to stop seeing her? Are you really asking how to get a hard on??? Honey, if you have to ask, you probably wouldn't know what to do with it once hard. 5
compulsivedancer Posted August 18, 2013 Posted August 18, 2013 I started seeing a friends wife about a month ago. And I honestly dont feel like I have a problem with doing this. But every time we start having sex I cant get an erection. Even though I dont feel bad about doing this. Is not getting an erection my subconscious telling me that I do have a problem with doing this? And how do I fix this problem if I dont want to stop seeing her? My OM had this problem sometimes at first. He was H's best friend. Do you know that in many ways H is more damaged and cut up by what his friend did to him than by what I did to him? Also, I feel like his need for revenge was redoubled because of who OM was. He has not taken revenge, beyond telling everyone far and wide, btw, but not for lack of wishing. This was my first post on LS. Just to see a bit of the aftermath for down the road: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/404953-bs-wants-declare-war-ap Btw, OM didn't just lose me and H. He also lost most of our friends group. Only one couple remains in contact with him and his GF, as far as I can tell. It's kind of sad, I think. I don't think the six month affair (only 2 months of actual sex - maybe 12-15 times?) was worth the fallout.
hermione08 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I was watching TV the other day and it seems they make pills for just this problem. What?? They make conscience inducing pills now??? 3
bubbaganoosh Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 If you don't feel anything by stabbing your friend in the back, then someday and honestly with your nonchalant attitude, I wait for you to come back to this forum crying your eyes out about how you came home and found out your wife or girlfriend has been having an affair. Then my friend and only then will you know what hurt is. Try being a man for once in your pathetic selfish life. Remember, what goes around, comes around. Not to mention that affairs have a way of becoming common knowledge when you least expect it and when you find yourself on your back in a parking lot with your ass kicked looking up and seeing your former friend standing over you, then you'll know for sure that he knows...... and it will happen. Hope you have a good health insurance plan where you work.
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