Am I a mug for wanting her back ?

[Mr sim]

how do I start ?? well I met her in my local pub about 2-3 years ago ,, she was a bit of a flirt and was in a relationship with another man that lasted only 3 monthes then she was with anotherman for about a year ,,while she was in this relationship she had a male friend who took her out a lot to pubs,meals etc ,, I use to chat and see her in my local pub ,,while in this relationship her male friend took her on holiday for 3 monthes her boyfriend at the time didn't seem to mind ,, anyway she got back from holiday and finished it with boyfriend not because of male friend but the boyfriend didn't get on with her kids,,,so the male friend ended up being a lodger with her ,,

over time we got more friendly and I did go back to her place a few times she swore nothing was going on with male friend and nothing ever has ,,,* so* at Christmas 2012 we got together as an item the male friend by then was living at

hotel ,, we got on great things where really good I sort of lived with her and she lived with me staying at hers and at mine but never really slept apart ,,,* so the male friend decides to go to maritious for* 6 monthes which was good as he did still keep in contact and she done a lot of his banking for him ,,, basically he was very generous towards her and truthfully shes had £0000s off of him ,, I asked why and whats going on but she allways said I have nothing to worry about and if he is giving me money why not take it ,,,,,so his gone for six monthes ,, in the meantime* her other male friend of family like 20yrs came into money and as he promised took her away to turkey for a week ,, I wasn't really able to go as didn't have a passport at that time and it was booked and sorted and they where going in like* 2 days time ,, I didn't like the idea and became very insecure but she said I have nothing to worry about,,* so off she goes ,,,,* she gets back and things are a little crap betwwen us as I acused her of cheating which she said no way his just a friend of family etc etc ,, but I was more thinking of other men on holiday,,,* so* things where a bit rough,,,* its now like* a week before her male friend gets back from maritious and I said where is he staying when he gets back she says he is gonna stay here for a few days until he sort out accomadation,,,, so I say ok no big deal ,,* talking to her 2 days before he gets back she sort of said like over a conversation we might not be together in like a monthes time with that I say a monthes time??* more like* 2 days time when his back at which she went mad* and ended* it later that evening ,,* she went home I went home to mine ,,,* next day I visit her and nothings changed she still angry,,,* so I go and take my stuff with me ,, I try the no contact but ended up texting her like a million times ,,* the texts where not horrible or threatning ,,just saying I miss you ,,love you ,,want you back etc etc ,,see her in pub with the male friend whos back and she ignores me which I do the same ,,but very hard as I still have feelings and hurting bad,,,* because of text messages she contacts police and I have a visit to say no more messages and no contact ,,so I stick with it ,,,then after a few beers one evening I send more texts and emails etc ,, which ended up with the police arresting me and I got a police caution this time ,, its been 5 weeks now and* I still got that feeling eating me up inside ,,wondering whats shes up too ,,, and she just don't seem to care feels like I was forgot at the click of her fingers ,,,just to let you know im 43 ,,,shes 47 ,,,

Edited August 16, 2013 by Mr sim