How do I get her out of my head?

[reddragon588]

I haven't read the whole thread, so I don't know if you've already told her how you feel, but if you have, telling her again risks you looking pathetic (sorry to be harsh, and you aren't pathetic at all, it's all about perception though). If you haven't told her, maybe you should. But you need to wait until a natural opportunity to do so presents itself. You can't just hit her up out of the blue to do it- it's not fair to her and it doesn't look good on you.

 

I know it's tough, and it's easier said than done, but you just have to move past those thoughts. It comes with time. I've found that when I'm struggling to get her out of my kind, if I take my day in 15 minute increments it's a lot easier. Map out the next hour of your day in your mind, and say ok, I have to do this over the next 15 minutes, in going to focus completely on it for those 15 minutes, and when those 15 minutes are up, I can think about her if needed, but not until after these 15 minutes. When you're struggling, breaking down the day like that makes it easier. You'd be surprised- often after those 15 minutes, you realize you don't want to think about her.

 

Don't worry about the dream. I've had them, others here have had them, and I bet your ex has even had them. It's natural and it is actually healthy. It means your mind and subconscious is working out issues. Those dreams will help you move forward as your subconscious clears itself out.

 

If I can be honest, you need to stay in NC. You are still healing, and even if you are to get back with your ex, that cannot happen until you've healed from this breakup. Otherwise you would just be rushing right back into the same situation that got you here. I wouldn't worry too much about her at the wedding. You need to focus on yourself, not her. And again, I know how hard it is. That's why breaking it down into manageable time increments is so helpful.

 

You need to stay strong and keep moving forward. Time will help heal. I'm at 3 1/2 months today. It's still hard, but I'm out here living my life and it's ok. I remember being completely paralyzed at times in the past like you've said, and so I can tell you, it gets better. But you need to be in NC to get there.

 

I hope this helps. Sorry I'd the thoughts are jumbled as I typed this in my phone.

[Skyraider829]

I know it sounds over the top, but it is starting to literally ruin my life. Myhead is just in such a mess.

I know how pathetic this is, but the other night I dreamt about her. I dreamtthat we were finally together and I have never felt so happy. Then, when I wokeup and realised it was a dream, I lay in bed crying

Keeping a clear head is very important as you undoubtedly know. Oh yeah, i tcan be a challenge to bear but it requires effort and perseverance.

 

All day long I dwell on things she has said to me in the past."you are literally eveything I want" "I have never wantedsomeone so much" and I think to myself, how can it have gone from that tothis and I don't even know why. Nothing happened to change it, that I know of.

And then there are my numerous insecurities and worries about her, all of whichI know are totally unjustified. What if she has found someone else? what if shedoes go out and a guy chats her up and they start dating? its like tomorrow -its her sisters wedding and the reception is going to be full of guys from thearmy, most of which will be single.

 

You're stretching this a little far. I mean, if she hasn't done anything togive any reasons to worry whatsoever, there are no objective reasons for your worry then by the laws of logic, drop the concerns. Maybe you're getting a good insight to how emotions can make you so irrational even though interestingly enough, you conciously realize you shouldn't be. And the reason why, is because in cases like this with a lot of people (yourself included) the voice of emotion is booming compared to the languid whisper of reason. You need to silence the irrational side of yourself and reason about this. Getting emotional (to this point) is pushing things to borderline extreme and its not going to help you. Its going to hinder you. Discipline your thinking. Quit reasoning with emotions. How many times do you hear of some chap who flies off the deep end with some emotional conviction only to be embarrassed or confused when he realizes that his reasoning was totally off in left field? Quite often.

 

Emotions (when it comes to this sort of thing, not everything) are certainlyimportant in decision-making and in how you think and perceive things but they cannot be the deciding factors - decisions are left up to reason, valid reason whilst the emotions can serve as a guideline in reaching aconclusion. Don't neglect your emotions, emotions are central to a relationship but do not discard your thinking capabilities.

 

Its like building a house; you begin with your desire (the emotion) to construct a house, but the tools and plans are what you need to erect it and get it built (good reasoning skills) so you can enjoy the work put in.

 

Is it normal to think like this? to be so utterly negative?

Apart from the fact that she is less talkative, I have absolutely no reason to believe she is with someone, but yet I still think it. In fact all 'evidence' points to the fact that she still thinks about me.

 

Is it normal? Yes, to an extent. I'm sure lots of folks have had atleast one time where they were quite negative about something, whatever it was. But is it good for you? Nope. Its not helping in any way is it? There's your answer.

 

I'm a critical thinker, if she has given you nothing but evidence that she cares about you, and that you have got a special place in her heart, then rest with that. Evidence overthrows subjective rants, always has, always will. Ignore the intrusive thoughts that flow through your head. They're little thoughts - insignificant events in your brain that bear no relation to reality. Keep remember all the things she did say about you. Challenge your own negative thinking. You decide what you think, it doesn't work the other way around.

 

And the other day she said something kind of weird. In the middle ofa text conversation, she said "I hope I never make you sad" and"I have your best interests at heart, always". It was in context withthe conversation because we were talking about her moving back in with her parents and how its in her best interests to move and I said I hope you aren't too sad about moving out. But even so, it was an odd thing to say, I think.

 

If she said that, then isn't readily apparent she seriously cares about your feelings and how you affect her life? That doesn't suggest anything "bad" at all.

 

I lay my cards on the table. Tell her I have tried to get over her but I can't and I want her so much. Tell her exactly how I feel and see how sheresponds. But in doing this, I risk losing her all together, which is the last thing I want.

Or do I carry on as we are, and hope something happens. Maybe gradually try and let her know how I feel, by being subtle about it?

 

Weigh the risks versus the rewards but I caution you in regard to taking such a black and white approach. Consider other things and think it over. I would ease into it, letting her know that you still have a passion for her and that you are in love with her. As always, this is my opinion, it is still very much in your hands.

 

Best of luck with everything, and quit being so hard on yourself. Cheer up a bit as I'm sure being cheerful and happy is only going to assist

Edited September 14, 2013 by Skyraider829

[supaflyz]

Go work out my friend. I began to jog again when we broke up. I bought new running shoes. I try to run 3 miles everyday. A few months it was a thing to help me forget about her. Now I run to get a healthy body and living healthy.

[tom_in_england]

Thank guys, so much.

 

Ok, so over the weekend, things got a bit better, but then, last night, they got a million times worse.

 

I'll start with saturday... it was her sister's wedding, so I gave her a little text in the morning to wish her luck and hope everything goes well. She thanked me, and sent a few pictures as the day went on of her in her bridesmaid dress.

 

So then on sunday, we spoke in the evening. Asked her how it went and she told me about the day, etc. etc. And the conversation somehow turned to my feelings about her. I started opening up a little bit. Not in full detail, but basically said I have feelings for her and that I missed how things used to be. And she said that now all of the wedding stuff is out of the way, she promises we will get back to how it was, and that she wants it to go back too. So sunday, I was alot happier.

 

But last night (monday) everything comes crashing down, and I am now so utterly devastated and upset that I don't know what I'm going to do.

I was a little emotional yesterday anyway. It was a family member's funeral so my mind wasn't in the best place anyway. But in the morning, she text me saying best wishes for the funeral, and closed the text saying "love you". Now, as confusing as that was, I was jubilant. She has never, ever said that to me.

So the day passed, and she text in the evening asking how it went. we spoke for a little while. Then the conversation went like this (not these exact words, because Ive deleted the texts already, not wanting to dwell over them).

 

Her: So its been a rubbish day for both of us then

Me: How come? whats happened with you

Her: Oh its nothing major, you don't want to hear it, believe me!

Me: Well now you've said that of course I want to hear it

Her: Its boy trouble Tom, you dont want to hear.

Me: Itll drive me crazy if you dont tell

 

 

And so basically she spilled. Shes been on a few dates with a guy from work. But he said he didnt want a relationship and just wanted a **** buddy so she called it off. And at the wedding on saturday, she had a drunken kiss with someone she didnt know, and while very drunk, text the other guy to make him jealous, and now hes kicking off.

 

The feelings I had when she told me that were the worst of my entire life. I felt sick. I opened up to her - full scale told her exactly what I felt for her. That I want to be with her. And she basically said she can see something happening, but shes not ready for anything now. I ask whats stopping her being with me now and she says she is scared about getting close to someone again and getting into a relationship. I tell her I worry she'll find someone if I wait until she is ready, and she answers that she hasnt yet. I use this current guy as an example, but she says she could never fall for someone like him.

She tells me she is glad Ive told her how I feel, but she feels bad she cant give me what I want. So I say, I wish I hadn't told her because its confirmed her feelings from me have gone. But she replies that they certainly have not.

 

And that was it. She fell asleep, because it was late and she often does! My last text to her was "I guess you're sleeping. We really need to sort this out. You know I want you, but I need to understand what you're scared about"

 

I can honestly say that throughout the night last night was the worst night of my life. I literally did not sleep one bit. I lay in bed, getting tearfull, thinking and thinking and thinking.

 

Why, when she says she is scared to get with someone was she dating this other guy?

Why tell me she has alot of feelings for me but still insist she cant have anything with me now?

Why not just tell me her feelings are gone and I'll be gone?

 

She said at one point "maybe we should stop talking". I said is that what you really want? and she said no I don't want to lose you.

 

 

????

 

 

I'm so confused and upset. What do I do now?

[Skyraider829]

[/QU

So then on sunday, we spoke in the evening. Asked her how it went and she told me about the day, etc. etc. And the conversation somehow turned to my feelings about her. I started opening up a little bit. Not in full detail, but basically said I have feelings for her and that I missed how things used to be. And she said that now all of the wedding stuff is out of the way, she promises we will get back to how it was, and that she wants it to go back too. So sunday, I was alot happier.

 

That's encouraging of her to say.

 

But last night (monday) everything comes crashing down, and I am now so utterly devastated and upset that I don't know what I'm going to do.

I was a little emotional yesterday anyway. It was a family member's funeral so my mind wasn't in the best place anyway. But in the morning, she text me saying best wishes for the funeral, and closed the text saying "love you". Now, as confusing as that was, I was jubilant. She has never, ever said that to me.

So the day passed, and she text in the evening asking how it went. we spoke for a little while. Then the conversation went like this (not these exact words, because Ive deleted the texts already, not wanting to dwell over them).

 

Her: So its been a rubbish day for both of us then

Me: How come? whats happened with you

Her: Oh its nothing major, you don't want to hear it, believe me!

Me: Well now you've said that of course I want to hear it

Her: Its boy trouble Tom, you dont want to hear.

Me: Itll drive me crazy if you dont tell

 

You said you were upset, and this is just me talking but I never, never allow my emotions to get in the way of speaking with people that I'm connected with because I know that emotions can act like a filter and cause things to come across worse or way, way better than they may actually be. She told you that she loves you, and I'm curious - is what you two had something platonic or romantic? Or was it somewhere in between, in a gray zone?

 

And so basically she spilled. Shes been on a few dates with a guy from work. But he said he didnt want a relationship and just wanted a **** buddy so she called it off. And at the wedding on saturday, she had a drunken kiss with someone she didnt know, and while very drunk, text the other guy to make him jealous, and now hes kicking off.

 

Hey, at least she didn't take that gasbag up on his offer to be bed buddies. She definitely respects herself.

 

Alcohol brings out the hidden sides of your personality and qualities as it frees your inhibitions and let's your brain cruise without a leash. Thoughts and actions flow with no constraints and this gives way to different behavior almost always. Pretty much anyone who ends up kissing some other person when drunk ends up regretting it because it wasn't a fully-comprehended situation, it was just an emotive ordeal. The ability to make decisions is essentially numbed. I would say she wasn't fully conscious in a sense when that happened with this random chap. Its apparent she regrets it. I don't understand why people that are going through rough times resort to alcohol, knowing what it can do to them. It almost always ends up in some problem or complication. Alcohol can just amplify emotions.

 

The feelings I had when she told me that were the worst of my entire life. I felt sick. I opened up to her - full scale told her exactly what I felt for her. That I want to be with her. And she basically said she can see something happening, but shes not ready for anything now. I ask whats stopping her being with me now and she says she is scared about getting close to someone again and getting into a relationship. I tell her I worry she'll find someone if I wait until she is ready, and she answers that she hasnt yet. I use this current guy as an example, but she says she could never fall for someone like him.

She tells me she is glad Ive told her how I feel, but she feels bad she cant give me what I want. So I say, I wish I hadn't told her because its confirmed her feelings from me have gone. But she replies that they certainly have not.

 

You don't know what's going on her mind. You say that is confirmed it for you. Okay, for you it has. But what about her? This is confirmation bias. You can't sit there and say that her feelings for you have gone. You're not her. If she says they are, and as much as you and her do click, I would accept that as true and leave it at that. She, after all, was the one who told you she quote-unquote loved you. She initiated it. Doesn't that say something?

 

She sounds really confused if you ask me. In the midst of this confusion, she is bound to be uncertain in moving forward in any direction - probably even with you. Could her indecision about things be inhibiting her from taking any steps forward with you - in fear of the indecision possibly spoiling things or dampening them?

 

Why, when she says she is scared to get with someone was she dating this other guy?

 

Don't know. I can't read minds. I don't know her history either. Maybe she was testing the waters but not in a serious way. This is pure conjecture of course and what I mean by "testing the waters" is that she was wondering if she still has the ability to interact with people in the dating scene.

 

Why tell me she has alot of feelings for me but still insist she cant have anything with me now?

 

Some people do this. I haven't been in this scenario before but, as I said above - if she has uncertainty about things, anything for that matter - it makes sense for her not to get involved. Perhaps she thinks things might spoil between you two. Again, I can't give an answer.

 

Why not just tell me her feelings are gone and I'll be gone?

 

Why not? Because I don't think her feelings are gone. She told you she loved you. If her feelings were to completely dissipate, she'd cut off contact and go cold immediately I'd think. Don't go down that alley, thinking that she really doesn't care because you are emotionally down. Emotions act as a filter and can make things foggy and adverse. They (bad emotions) prevent clarity.

 

She said at one point "maybe we should stop talking". I said is that what you really want? and she said no I don't want to lose you.

 

From my viewpoint, this just confirms she's confounded about something.

 

So what are you to do? I can't prescribe specific methods or procedures for you to go by, I can only speculate and offer opinion. The logical thing to do is, first of all control your emotions. Do not allow them to cloud your judgement. You'll fall victim to all sort of biases due to that. Secondly, you and her need to arrange a time together in private, in the quiet and talk this out fully and thoroughly. I'm not suggesting that you two both reach a resolution in one night or day, but you both need to sort this out. It isn't healthy on either of you. Ask her to tell you everything that is bothering her, have her gush out all the insecurities, all of the uncertainties, all of the problems and work together.

 

All the best as always. ;)OTE]

[odin673]

I know it sounds drastic but you need to erase her from your life. Staying in contact will only prolong your suffering. She says she can't have anything serious right now, but tells you about another guy who she broke things off with because he wanted something casual.

 

She has no intentions of a romantic relationship with you at this point. At the very best, she is keeping you around as a backup. You need to respect yourself and put this behind you. Delete her contact info and don't respond to calls/texts. I was in a very similar situation and also delayed my healing process by staying "friends".

 

She told me she couldn't get attached because she was depressed and considering a move for a new job. The week after she called it quits, she was starting a new job and had signed a 1 year lease. The week after, she was asking me for advice about another guy.

 

If you want to throw your heart in a meat grinder once a month, stay in contact. No contact isn't easy but it is what you need to do. There are much better woman out there. Ones that don't start making out with random dudes at weddings because of alcohol problems. You can do better.

[tom_in_england]

[/QU

 

 

That's encouraging of her to say.

 

 

 

You said you were upset, and this is just me talking but I never, never allow my emotions to get in the way of speaking with people that I'm connected with because I know that emotions can act like a filter and cause things to come across worse or way, way better than they may actually be. She told you that she loves you, and I'm curious - is what you two had something platonic or romantic? Or was it somewhere in between, in a gray zone?

 

 

 

Hey, at least she didn't take that gasbag up on his offer to be bed buddies. She definitely respects herself.

 

Alcohol brings out the hidden sides of your personality and qualities as it frees your inhibitions and let's your brain cruise without a leash. Thoughts and actions flow with no constraints and this gives way to different behavior almost always. Pretty much anyone who ends up kissing some other person when drunk ends up regretting it because it wasn't a fully-comprehended situation, it was just an emotive ordeal. The ability to make decisions is essentially numbed. I would say she wasn't fully conscious in a sense when that happened with this random chap. Its apparent she regrets it. I don't understand why people that are going through rough times resort to alcohol, knowing what it can do to them. It almost always ends up in some problem or complication. Alcohol can just amplify emotions.

 

 

 

You don't know what's going on her mind. You say that is confirmed it for you. Okay, for you it has. But what about her? This is confirmation bias. You can't sit there and say that her feelings for you have gone. You're not her. If she says they are, and as much as you and her do click, I would accept that as true and leave it at that. She, after all, was the one who told you she quote-unquote loved you. She initiated it. Doesn't that say something?

 

She sounds really confused if you ask me. In the midst of this confusion, she is bound to be uncertain in moving forward in any direction - probably even with you. Could her indecision about things be inhibiting her from taking any steps forward with you - in fear of the indecision possibly spoiling things or dampening them?

 

 

 

Don't know. I can't read minds. I don't know her history either. Maybe she was testing the waters but not in a serious way. This is pure conjecture of course and what I mean by "testing the waters" is that she was wondering if she still has the ability to interact with people in the dating scene.

 

 

 

Some people do this. I haven't been in this scenario before but, as I said above - if she has uncertainty about things, anything for that matter - it makes sense for her not to get involved. Perhaps she thinks things might spoil between you two. Again, I can't give an answer.

 

 

 

Why not? Because I don't think her feelings are gone. She told you she loved you. If her feelings were to completely dissipate, she'd cut off contact and go cold immediately I'd think. Don't go down that alley, thinking that she really doesn't care because you are emotionally down. Emotions act as a filter and can make things foggy and adverse. They (bad emotions) prevent clarity.

 

 

 

From my viewpoint, this just confirms she's confounded about something.

 

So what are you to do? I can't prescribe specific methods or procedures for you to go by, I can only speculate and offer opinion. The logical thing to do is, first of all control your emotions. Do not allow them to cloud your judgement. You'll fall victim to all sort of biases due to that. Secondly, you and her need to arrange a time together in private, in the quiet and talk this out fully and thoroughly. I'm not suggesting that you two both reach a resolution in one night or day, but you both need to sort this out. It isn't healthy on either of you. Ask her to tell you everything that is bothering her, have her gush out all the insecurities, all of the uncertainties, all of the problems and work together.

 

All the best as always. ;)OTE]

 

 

Ok, so the morning after this happened, we spoke over text again and agreed it got a bit heated. She suggested I go down and spend the day with her, so this coming weekend thats what I'm doing. She said again that this other guy is nothing. Its a guy from work who she went out after work with twice - and about this I don't have any reason to disbelieve her.

 

So its actually been quite nice with her since. Have chatted on the phone twice, both times for over an hour.

I haven't spoken to her properly in a few days.

 

I've decided to see what happens this weekend. I've given her opportunity to tell me how she feels and she has never said she isnt interested. She has invited me to go down to her, so she must want me there. I guess I'll have to wait and see, but at the moment I'm starting to feel a little more positive about it all.

 

Although she has been a bit blunt over the past few days (not very talkative over text last night), I'm just going to look forward to the weekend and try not to let my head get the better of me.

 

I'll be reporting back again soon, thank you again for all your help.

[todreaminblue]

shout out to sky raider you are awesome..:bunny:...so thoughtful .....detailed helpful posts to a total stranger when i read things like this on the board....renews my smile........and my faith in the art of compassion...... see huge smile.......lol

 

 

tom_in _england you almost don't need anyone else to reply except maybe for a different view which i don't know if that helps when you are already confused....... but i thought i would share an experience with you as a female......

 

 

i am pretty sure from the tone of your texts that she realizes you like her by simply what you are texting.....so i dont think waiting on telling her is necessary....i picked up a few signs that your interest isnt platonic......and i am dense with this....a guy needs to hit me with a wet fish normally and say the words......

 

 

 

 

 

in my opinion

 

 

you show signs of obsessive thought....believe me i know obsession.......it used to be movies in alphabetical order for me cds listed by genre, numerical and alphabetical order...luv my music.......progressed to thinking about a guy everything else in disarray....new for me... so ....i swallowed my fear .....and i told him that i liked him......i dont regret it...i dont do it very often......i did it pretty early ...lol....which probably scared the crap out of him but i felt something i hardly ever feel and i moved on it.......regardless of fear...i did it...woot woot...hands up.. deb beat fear's ass.......

 

 

smilin...unfortunately he didnt feel the same way.......but i did it and i dont regret it...those feelings have not changed if anything as i got to know him i saw what ti was that i felt in nearly everything he does.......just meshes with me.....he has my attention......so i tried to be his friend.....anything is better than nothing right????...answer...big fat wrong.......

 

 

 

i wished him happy birthday never bought it back up that i liked him or flirted with him.......just treated him like i treat all my friends.....he doesnt need my friendship ....thats the text i got back.....then i said sorry i went into shock......wish i never apologised actually .....i didnt do anything wrong.......except for one thing....i tried to be his friend....and yep got hurt.......so i kamikazed into a brick wall...spectacular crash btw did myself proud...

 

tell her.........you may get hurt.......try and control yrou emotions.if it goes pear shaped and one wing falls off your plane...if you feel like apologising .....dont.......you have nothing to apologise for you were honest and that is what matters.....if you are going to tell her ....do so in person

 

 

the only regret i have is.......not doing everything in person....because i didnt think i could....they way i feel now i could very well just do it...like i used to ....i was a brave soldier....scared crapless but i had this confidence.....from what i have been through nothing can get much worse for me......i forgot that fact that i have always been scared when confrontign soemone.....i make it ....and they dont even realize how scared i am they dont stare at my legs i hope..........bring it i say....kidding......maybe that was my lesson..to get back my braveness and its coming...if i stay alive long enough.................texting sucks btw....from now on....

 

 

 

i will do what i always used to do ...no matter how scared i was ....i would hold myself tall ......knees shaking yeah lol....and say how i felt...im over it.......over hiding......stuff it....gonna kamikaze myself for real from now on......not going to avoid him due to the shame i feel........i am going to just be me...nd the right guy will appreciate the woman i am...my life is too short......i hold no grudges towards him....he chose not to have me as a friend it was his right too....the truth is it was really hard to just be his friend anyway as i still have the feelings for him even though he was soddish......what can ya do?....but just get over it....and eventually hope that these emotions fade off with limited contact.....

 

 

 

 

so .....i suggest you tell her in person when you feel calm .......and in control...but do it.......and dont look back whatever the outcome is........it will be for the best..thats my advice but i am a kamikaze sky raider is much more logically minded...mine is pure emotiveness...i wish you much luck sky raider rocks huh? smilin atcha.................deb

Edited September 23, 2013 by todreaminblue

[Skyraider829]

Ok, so the morning after this happened, we spoke over text again and agreed it got a bit heated. She suggested I go down and spend the day with her, so this coming weekend thats what I'm doing. She said again that this other guy is nothing. Its a guy from work who she went out after work with twice - and about this I don't have any reason to disbelieve her

 

Spending the day together, huh? Far out! Way to go. That's even made me very happy to hear that something amiable is unfolding out of this situation. Obviously the man she went out with really is vapor, more good news to you.

 

So its actually been quite nice with her since. Have chatted on the phone twice, both times for over an hour.

 

Wow - more good news.

 

I've decided to see what happens this weekend. I've given her opportunity to tell me how she feels and she has never said she isnt interested. She has invited me to go down to her, so she must want me there. I guess I'll have to wait and see, but at the moment I'm starting to feel a little more positive about it all.

 

Here's my opinion on the matter at hand; It looks like smooth seas ahead, at least from my own perspective. Keep yourself happy about it.

 

Although she has been a bit blunt over the past few days (not very talkative over text last night), I'm just going to look forward to the weekend and try not to let my head get the better of me.

 

Don't begin to think about the bluntness - the future hasn't happened yet. Keep your thinking present-centered.

 

I'll be reporting back again soon, thank you again for all your help.

 

It really is my pleasure to assist. I would like to hear that this goes in the best possible way for the two of you. I'll look forward to the next report.

[Skyraider829]

shout out to sky raider you are awesome..:bunny:...so thoughtful .....detailed helpful posts to a total stranger when i read things like this on the board....renews my smile........and my faith in the art of compassion...... see huge smile.......lol

 

Gee, thanks todreaminblue! That's very sweet of you. A big smile back at you.

[tom_in_england]

todreaminblue - thank you. I couldn't agree more about Skyraider - you really have been amazing, you've made a horrible time for me so much more bearable by being here to share the experience I'm having with. Thank you so much!

 

 

Spending the day together, huh? Far out! Way to go. That's even made me very happy to hear that something amiable is unfolding out of this situation. Obviously the man she went out with really is vapor, more good news to you.

 

 

 

Wow - more good news.

 

 

 

Here's my opinion on the matter at hand; It looks like smooth seas ahead, at least from my own perspective. Keep yourself happy about it.

 

 

 

Don't begin to think about the bluntness - the future hasn't happened yet. Keep your thinking present-centered.

 

 

 

It really is my pleasure to assist. I would like to hear that this goes in the best possible way for the two of you. I'll look forward to the next report.

 

 

 

I'm really, really looking forward to seeing her at the weekend - to the point that I'm becoming anxious something will happen to spoil it - like her having to work or something!

But so far, so good, and I'm trying not to worry about anything.

 

I haven't heard from her in a couple of days but I know she has been working so I'm not going to bother her. I'll message her, perhaps tomorrow, for a little chat and say how much I'm looking forward to seeing her.

 

As ever, I'll be reporting back as and when something happens

 

Thanks again guys!

[Skyraider829]

I couldn't agree more about Skyraider - you really have been amazing, you've made a horrible time for me so much more bearable by being here to share the experience I'm having with. Thank you so much!

 

Why thank you very much for such a kind well-meaning compliment. It makes me happy to lend a hand and help someone out.

 

I'm really, really looking forward to seeing her at the weekend - to the point that I'm becoming anxious something will happen to spoil it - like her having to work or something!

But so far, so good, and I'm trying not to worry about anything.

 

I sort of doubt that you'll spoil it.

 

I haven't heard from her in a couple of days but I know she has been working so I'm not going to bother her. I'll message her, perhaps tomorrow, for a little chat and say how much I'm looking forward to seeing her.

 

Seems like a swell idea. Have a great time when you two do go out.

[tom_in_england]

Sorry its been a while for this update, but I just havent had the motivation to write it until now!

 

So, since my last post, everything is pretty much over. I went to see her, as planned, 2 weeks ago. And to be honest, it wasn't great. We literally sat around and watched films. She was really suffering with a cold to be fair so I dont blame her for not being overly talkative. So, since then, we literally haven't spoken at all in 2 weeks, until yesterday. I sent her a text just to see how she was. And I found out what I've been dreading finding out for months - shes got a new man. Initially, I took it pretty well. Told her I was happy for her and hope he treats her well, because she deserves it. But after dwelling on it for the last day, I'm really not ok with it. And so its lead me to the decision to say goodbye to her. Although I really regret it now, I text her an hour ago telling her I have to say goodbye, because its the only way I'll get over her. I know its the best thing to do, but I still regret doing it, purely because I don't want to let go. I know she's seen the message, but hasnt replied in over an hour, which is really bugging me. For peace of mind, I need her to say goodbye, for closure.

[Chi townD]

Sorry its been a while for this update, but I just havent had the motivation to write it until now!

 

So, since my last post, everything is pretty much over. I went to see her, as planned, 2 weeks ago. And to be honest, it wasn't great. We literally sat around and watched films. She was really suffering with a cold to be fair so I dont blame her for not being overly talkative. So, since then, we literally haven't spoken at all in 2 weeks, until yesterday. I sent her a text just to see how she was. And I found out what I've been dreading finding out for months - shes got a new man. Initially, I took it pretty well. Told her I was happy for her and hope he treats her well, because she deserves it. But after dwelling on it for the last day, I'm really not ok with it. And so its lead me to the decision to say goodbye to her. Although I really regret it now, I text her an hour ago telling her I have to say goodbye, because its the only way I'll get over her. I know its the best thing to do, but I still regret doing it, purely because I don't want to let go. I know she's seen the message, but hasnt replied in over an hour, which is really bugging me. For peace of mind, I need her to say goodbye, for closure.

 

 

Calling bullsh*t on that one. You got your closure, she dating someone else, what more closure do you need than that?

 

And I have a feeling that it's the dude from work that meant NOTHING to her before you went down there for the weekend. Playing games and lying.

 

Dude, you don't need closure, you have it already. Time to move on with your life. Leave her in your wake and don't look back.

[reddragon588]

Closure comes from within. You just have to dig deep to find it.