moof409 Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 I met this guy thru the Yahoo personals about 6 weeks ago. We chatted once and spoke on the phone several times over the course of a week. We had so much in common and we are both single parents. I have one child, he has 3, we live less than 1/4 of a mile from one another, BOth in sales, we are both in our early 30's etc. We met for drinks a week or so later, which I don't usually do but I felt very comfortable with him. He calls me almost every night, sends me text messages all day, he seems very interested. We have gone out every weekend since we met, and things seemed to be going well. We had sex a couple of weeks ago, and there was absolutely no pressure from him to do so. He has told me several times that he loves talking to me, and spending time with me. We laugh alot, and have so much fun no matter what we are doing. Anyhow, last weekend we agreed to stay at my house for the evening, and I would cook dinner and we would watch a movie. We agreed on a time and he showed up an hour late, no phone call, or anything just showed up. He had been watching a basketball game with freinds and was drinking and lost track of time. He could not even drive, he had to have someone drop him off at my house. I was a little aggravated, because I had wated for him to eat, and I felt he could have called. But, I told him it aggravated me, and that was that, I let it go. We ended up having a great time. So this past week, he asked me to go to his families house in a few weeks for a surprise party, in which his whole family and his children would be there, and I said ok (even though I thought it might be a litle overwhelming meeting his kids and family all at the same time). The n for some reason, I felt like he kind of backed off a little for the rest of the week. He called me Friday night and I was sick and he said he wasn't going to come over Saturday if I was contagious, joking around and I said back joking also "Well fine then" We started laughing and he said "oh I will be there". We spoke a little longer than we got off the phone. He called me yesterday and left me a message and I called him back and he seemed kind of distant/hurried and said he was on his way to a birthday party and would call me later. Well, he never called, but he has never stood me up either, so I went ahead and got dressed and ready last night. He never showed up, called, messaged me or anything. I was so bummed out and I am not sure how to take this. I have a funny feeling that when we spoke Friday night he knew he was not coming over, and he also knew on Saturday but didn't want to tell me. He is a total sports nut and there was a game on last night, which probably had something to do with it, but regardless, why would he not call AT ALL?? I like him and really do enjoy the time we spend together, but this behaviour seems really odd to me. I am not desperate, I have my own life and I am attractive and very successful in my career. I am usually a very confident woman, but last night really disappointed me and I feel weird about the whole thing. I am not sure how to handle it if he does call me. (I don't even know if he will at this point, but I have no intention to call him) I guess I am hoping maybe some of the men who read this can offer me some advice....???
bluechocolate Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 If he's not intentionally blowing you off he's making a good attempt at pretending. As to your reaction - well you don't sound like someone who's over-reacting. He stood you up, no phone call, nothing & you're not even a couple of months into dating...... I think you probably know all you need to know. Don't you?
Author moof409 Posted November 7, 2004 Author Posted November 7, 2004 I don't understand what you mean by "he is making a good attempt at pretending". And honestly, I am not sure that I know all I need to know, but somehow I know that I should. I have had alot of first and second dates in the 3 years since my divorce, but this guy really seemed genuine. Maybe I am being naive.......
Author moof409 Posted November 7, 2004 Author Posted November 7, 2004 You know what I understand what you mean, I mis read your post the first time sorry!!
SoleMate Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 He has already established a pattern of being unreliable early in the relationship. This is his "best case" behavior. I couldn't put up with it, frankly. Being late is one thing...but a total standup? And the lack of apologies? Let's just say that your comfort and concerns are clearly not this guy's #1 priority at this time. You barely know him, and you expected better behavior of him, but it's quite possible that this IS his best behavior. That's a danger of getting involved with someone you know so slightly - the chance of unpleasant surprises like this. I'm not sure you even know the whole story yet - there could be an ex-wife or even a current wife much more involved than you have been told. If I were in your shoes, I would write him off altogether. If he calls, I would be busy and get off the phone in less than 45 seconds, and never call back.
DJ_Dork Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 First and foremost for *ANY* kind of relationship are the following qualities people should look for: 1. RESPECT 2. RELIABILITY 3. SIMILARITIES From what I read, your "potential mate" FAILED the 1, 2, but passed 3. But that doesn't mean anything. You want all three to pass. In any relationship I always put myself out and use my method of having 1,2,3. If the other person doesn't share those SIMPLE three qualities they are not good for relationship. Friendship I only need 2 out of 3 passing.
Author moof409 Posted November 8, 2004 Author Posted November 8, 2004 Thanks for your help guys! Funny thing is, he had the nerve to send me a message this morning and asked me if my phone was working and did he offend me. He sent me another one within minutes saying "I miss our laughter!"....I didn't respond of course. but I can't help but look at the phone and think..."WTF!!" How stupid does he think I am? He made no effort to call me back Saturday, or Sunday...."did I offend you??" What a loser..... Take care!!
bluechocolate Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Originally posted by moof409 He made no effort to call me back Saturday, or Sunday...."did I offend you??" What a loser..... Take care!! You too !
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