is it worth a try?

[Bobomccoy]

I have been with my wife for a little over 3 years and married almost 2. We have a 2 year old son. She moved out a little over a month ago because she caught me trying to cheat. I cheated on her a little over a year ago and she found out and we got past it. But we were going through a bad time and I was looking for someone to cheat with. I posted an ad on craigslist and deleted it with in 30 min because I felt bad about it and she found out about it the next day. Well I have been going to counseling for 3 months dealing with my problems. She moved out and I fought hard to win her back with no luck. She would tell me that I don't love her and that I wouldn't change and things would be back to me trying to cheat again. I feel she is wrong. I have no desire to do that again. She told me a week after she moved out she wanted a divorce and couldn't get past the things I have done. Well after thinking about all the verbal abuse I have dealt with, her lazyness, her always having to be right and bringing up the past with every fight we had, and the things she has said about not loving her and not really missing her I decided that divorce was going to be the best thing for us. Well after telling her that she broke down. She told me a few days later that she had decided to work on things and go to counseling. I don't see how she can change her mind like that when the week before we were fighting because she told me that I couldn't change and that I don't love or miss her at all. She is dead set on fixing this now. I just don't know what to do after dealing with all that she has said to me and the way she treated me. I do love her but feel my love won't be the same after realizing all the bad in the relationship. I just felt it was best for me to move on. Any ideas on what to do or say? Should i give it another try and but effort into it?

Edited August 16, 2013 by ahuth84
forgot something

[along60years]

She deserves better than what you are offering her. If you know you no longer want to be in the relationship with her make a decision and stick to it. Don't take the easy road and stick around if you don't truly want to be there in a committed, monogamous relationship. You are hurting her. You cheat, you leave. You need to decide if you are in or out and stop tap dancing on her heart.

 

I don't know if you have a son or a daughter, but consider the example you are setting. Either that it is acceptable for a man to treat your daughter that way someday, or that it is okay for your son to do this to someone. Is this the kind of role model you want to be?

 

Quit looking for sympathy and playing the poor me game. No matter how much of a bitch she is, that doesn't make you any less of a douche for doing what you have done. You are responsible for your own behavior. Stop trying to blame her for why you cheated and were trying to cheat again.

Edited August 17, 2013 by along60years

[Misfortune]

I have been with my wife for a little over 3 years and married almost 2. We have a 2 year old son. She moved out a little over a month ago because she caught me trying to cheat. I cheated on her a little over a year ago and she found out and we got past it. But we were going through a bad time and I was looking for someone to cheat with. I posted an ad on craigslist and deleted it with in 30 min because I felt bad about it and she found out about it the next day. Well I have been going to counseling for 3 months dealing with my problems. She moved out and I fought hard to win her back with no luck. She would tell me that I don't love her and that I wouldn't change and things would be back to me trying to cheat again. I feel she is wrong. I have no desire to do that again. She told me a week after she moved out she wanted a divorce and couldn't get past the things I have done. Well after thinking about all the verbal abuse I have dealt with, her lazyness, her always having to be right and bringing up the past with every fight we had, and the things she has said about not loving her and not really missing her I decided that divorce was going to be the best thing for us. Well after telling her that she broke down. She told me a few days later that she had decided to work on things and go to counseling. I don't see how she can change her mind like that when the week before we were fighting because she told me that I couldn't change and that I don't love or miss her at all. She is dead set on fixing this now. I just don't know what to do after dealing with all that she has said to me and the way she treated me. I do love her but feel my love won't be the same after realizing all the bad in the relationship. I just felt it was best for me to move on. Any ideas on what to do or say? Should i give it another try and but effort into it?

 

You broke her heart, she tried to be strong and maybe scare you straight with the threat of a divorce. You called her bluff and she caved. She loves you and wants to work things out but, you're not doing right by her. It's really not fair. You're just focusing on the negative to rationalizing your plans to cheat and to convince yourself that leaving is the right thing to do. I'm sure that if you wanted, you can find pros of the relationship that outweigh the bad. Set a good example for your kid. Be faithful and give it your best shot. If you want to leave, leave, but don't cheat again. Cheating only makes things worse. Forget the heartache it brings, all it does is put you in a fantasy land of perfection which causes you to see your old relationship as a hindrance. You either work on making your relationship better or you leave without cheating. She probably could find as many negatives or more about you as you did about her; yet she stays and tries.

 

Make a list of pros and cons. If pros win: You wholeheartedly give working on the relationship a try. See how many cons you can make pros. If cons win: Leave.

Edited August 17, 2013 by Misfortune