Horror stories with an ex/current partner where suicide is threatened or acted upon

[Clockwork]

My ex used to do this all the time. Yeah, yeah, I know, why did I stay with her that long? Well, she was on anti-depressants to begin with. She had plans to commit suicide before we even met. She had unresolved issues before we started.

 

Things were good in the beginning but once they started to go a little hairy she started with the threats. I remember her running into my kitchen, grabbing the butcher knife and threatening to cut her wrists. She didn't. But after that any attempt I had at breaking up she always used that threat. For whatever reason that made me stay with her longer. I couldn't bear the thought of being indirectly responsible for that. But it only got worse. She actually cut her wrists on more than one occasion in front of me. She told me she would kill herself if we broke up, but if I ever mentioned her suicidal attempts to anyone she'd do it anyway out of fear of embarassment. I was in between a rock and a hard place.

 

The last time I saw her I knew I had to end this for good. She told me the only way she was leaving the house was if she was in handcuffs or a body bag. Eventually she left, but it wasn't easy. To this day, she hasn't killed herself.

 

 

So here is my question. Now that I am out of that situation I realize one thing, a person who is going to commit suicide is never going to tell you this. Secondly, how have others reacted to a suicidal partner? Believe me, it may sound easy to just say "run" and don't look back, but when you are in that situation a part of your brain knows there is a chance it can happen.

[newmoon]

"Now that I am out of that situation I realize one thing, a person who is going to commit suicide is never going to tell you this."

 

I don't know about being in a relationship with someone who does this, but I have a schizophrenic brother and when someone with mental illness and on anti-depressants says suicide you listen. Please don't believe what you have written here as truth. If someone mentions suicide then the thoughts are there - mentally healthy people don't want to commit suicide. It doesn't mean you have to stay with a partner because they mention it (it could be a ploy, for sure), but any inclination to even use the word shows mental instability and should be taken seriously. Just because she 'hasn't done it yet' doesn't mean she didn't want to or feel like she wanted to at the time.

[hoping2heal]

It's false to assume that people who will commit suicide don't tell. That being said, your girlfriend used threats of suicide and self-harm to control you and manipulate you. She threatened suicide and then you stayed with her longer..see how that worked?

 

I've never been personally in that situation but I've had close friends and a few family members who have been in that same position. None of those people ever actually committed suicide, no. The appropriate action is to call police and tell them the person is threatening suicide. Then, someone can help them but you're not the person to help them because whether someone is genuinely suicidal or just threatening it for a control tactic they have mental health issues that need to be diagnosed and treated by a professional.

 

Staying with someone who threatens self harm just re-inforces the idea that this level of manipulation works. She probably is pulling the same thing on her new boyfriend, or will be soon. Not to say that's all your fault - she probably did it with the guy before you but I do think people need to be educated on the proper course of action to follow should this ever arise.

[SoleMate]

If someone threatens suicide, and you're not sure how serious it is, current thinking is to err on the side of taking them seriously and keeping them safe. Some who threaten DO follow through. Let's be pro-life and call 911.

[New User]

My ex used to do this all the time. Yeah, yeah, I know, why did I stay with her that long? Well, she was on anti-depressants to begin with. She had plans to commit suicide before we even met. She had unresolved issues before we started.

 

Things were good in the beginning but once they started to go a little hairy she started with the threats. I remember her running into my kitchen, grabbing the butcher knife and threatening to cut her wrists. She didn't. But after that any attempt I had at breaking up she always used that threat. For whatever reason that made me stay with her longer. I couldn't bear the thought of being indirectly responsible for that. But it only got worse. She actually cut her wrists on more than one occasion in front of me. She told me she would kill herself if we broke up, but if I ever mentioned her suicidal attempts to anyone she'd do it anyway out of fear of embarassment. I was in between a rock and a hard place.

 

The last time I saw her I knew I had to end this for good. She told me the only way she was leaving the house was if she was in handcuffs or a body bag. Eventually she left, but it wasn't easy. To this day, she hasn't killed herself.

 

 

So here is my question. Now that I am out of that situation I realize one thing, a person who is going to commit suicide is never going to tell you this. Secondly, how have others reacted to a suicidal partner? Believe me, it may sound easy to just say "run" and don't look back, but when you are in that situation a part of your brain knows there is a chance it can happen.

 

 

You are exactly wrong about this one. It's a pervasive, widely, and firmly held belief- and it is completely wrong. Read up on the subject- almost all people who eventually commit suicide have talked about it prior to doing it. Yet for some reason people choose to be willfully ignorant about this subject and keep believing that suicidal people don't ever talk about it.

 

As to the rest of it- my ex wife threatened suicide on two occasions prior to my second deployment. I had to leave training on emergency pass on both occasions and I am thankful that my COC was understanding of the situation. I tried to get my ex into counseling, I seriously considered trying to have her involuntarily admitted to a mental health facility. In retrospect I still think that I made a mistake in not taking all the steps to have that done. She never did get counseling- this was a large factor in our divorce.

 

You cannot ever give in to this type of emotional blackmail. Yes, there is a chance that they will kill themselves. No, it isn't your fault because you refuse to give in to their manipulations. Suicidal ideation is pernicious and can become all-consuming. The number one thing that you need to do when someone tells you they are going to kill themselves is to believe them. This doesn't mean you give in to all of their demands, it means that you are in a situation that is more than you can handle. You need outside help at this point. There is a good chance that they will hate you (at least short term) for doing this.

[Quiet Storm]

She probably has BPD. My sister has it. She had multiple suicide attempts. Some of them were manipulations to control her husband, boyfriends and my Mom & dad. Some were because she really wanted to die.

 

She can be sweet, pretty, sexy, funny. She had no problem finding good guys to date. And most thought they could love her enough to make her better. But when she switches into rage mode, she is hell bent on hurting herself, probably as a punishment to whomever she feels wronged her. She jumped out of a moving car.

 

She hasn't changed and now she in her 30s. Her. Husband left and took their son. He just couldn't raise him in that evironment.

 

It's sad because many times the behavior stems from sexual abuse. It's hard to distance yourself when someone needs you. But you have to for your own good.

 

My sister seems to be doing better. She loves her son, she is just not capable of regulating her emotions. Her emotional makeup was forever altered when she was abused.

 

It is hard not to want to help someone in emotional pain. These people need professional help that you can't provide. The best way to get out is to stop all contact. They will see friendship as hope. It will only hurt her more if you keep going back

[TheGuard13]

My ex-wife threatened to kill herself a couple of times, via text, phone, and finally in person. She ended up committing herself after a somewhat violent, tearful "standoff" where I called 9-1-1 and then chased her around the neighborhood. That ended with her physically attacking me.

 

Now, she may well have been in emotional pain. She may well have had suicidal thoughts. It was still manipulative, and childish, and was the beginning of the end of our relationship, though to her credit, she did agree to go to the hospital, and admitted herself to a mental hospital for a week, and began a regimen of medication and some counseling.

 

I'll echo what others have said, though. If someone says they're going to kill themselves, believe them. If only because people need to understand that this is not something you say lightly, say to "get back at someone", or say to manipulate. You don't "cry wolf" about something like this. If someone tells me they're going to kill themselves, I'm going to talk to them and gauge the situation. If they seem remotely serious or irrational, then I'm calling 9-1-1, and if they don't go willingly, then odds are the police are going to come out, and they're either going to get a stern talking to, or the cops will drag them to the hospital. It's completely inappropriate and immature to use these kinds of statements to attempt to blackmail or manipulate someone.

[Star Gazer]

Now that I am out of that situation I realize one thing, a person who is going to commit suicide is never going to tell you this.

 

Tell that to all the loved ones who lose people to suicide after such threats/comments.

 

RIP Gia.

[New User]

She probably has BPD. My sister has it. She had multiple suicide attempts. Some of them were manipulations to control her husband, boyfriends and my Mom & dad. Some were because she really wanted to die.

 

She can be sweet, pretty, sexy, funny. She had no problem finding good guys to date. And most thought they could love her enough to make her better. But when she switches into rage mode, she is hell bent on hurting herself, probably as a punishment to whomever she feels wronged her. She jumped out of a moving car.

 

She hasn't changed and now she in her 30s. Her. Husband left and took their son. He just couldn't raise him in that evironment.

 

It's sad because many times the behavior stems from sexual abuse. It's hard to distance yourself when someone needs you. But you have to for your own good.

 

My sister seems to be doing better. She loves her son, she is just not capable of regulating her emotions. Her emotional makeup was forever altered when she was abused.

 

It is hard not to want to help someone in emotional pain. These people need professional help that you can't provide. The best way to get out is to stop all contact. They will see friendship as hope. It will only hurt her more if you keep going back

 

Yeah. My ex has a history of sexual abuse.

 

There seems to be some kind of weird innate understanding of that second bolded part by the people that have these issues. My ex could wield her emotional pain like a sword or a scalpel. She was phenomenal at manipulating my emotions, and if she was in pain she would ensure that I was in pain too. Of course, nothing that I did helped her to alleviate her pain- at the time I didn't realize that it had absolutely nothing to do with me; that her emotions had been permanently screwed up years earlier by daddy badtouch and any attempt on my part to help was doomed before it started.

[Clockwork]

So sorry you were treated that way. It likely did some lasting damage to you, so move slowly going forward. Yeah, call 911 and then you have 72 hours to pack up, move, change number and disappear. I've never had one of those, but friends have and if they ever start up with that, I'm out of dodge. Sorry if that sounds cruel.

 

Oh at the time for sure. It was a nightmare in many ways. Years have passed since then though. I figure there was a reason I had to go through that situation and see what I saw. I shapes your future relationships and I was married less than two years after the last time I saw her.

 

No lasting damage at all though. I've got pretty thick skin I figure it is just an experience I had to go through to understand that side of someone's life.

 

You know, I guess I am wrong when it comes to suicide and the person not telling you if they were going to commit it. I've read that many times before, and it is correct, some people use it as a cry for help.

 

If my son is in that situation I would have a solid piece of advice for him...........run, fast, far and don't look back and thank God you are only dating. Quitting cold turkey was hard to do, but it was the best decision and one that took me way too long to do.

 

Up until that point I had never seen a person make an attempt on their life. At that time I was so freaked out and didn't know exactly how to handle it.

[sweetkiwi]

Tell that to all the loved ones who lose people to suicide after such threats/comments.

 

RIP Gia.

 

Sorry for your loss . I've also had family members who've tried to tell us they wanted "out" but no one took it seriously.

 

As for an SO, only one bf in 8th grade who threatened it and made a big scene but didn't do it. Still very scary and I am glad he got to talk to counselors afterwards.

 

RIP Uncle Johnny and Uncle Bruce.

[Hoax]

When I was a kid I had a friend whose biological father killed himself (carbon monoxide poisoning) after his then-girlfriend broke up with him.

 

People do actually do it. I can only imagine how traumatic it must be for everyone involved.

[Clockwork]

She probably has BPD. My sister has it. She had multiple suicide attempts. Some of them were manipulations to control her husband, boyfriends and my Mom & dad. Some were because she really wanted to die.

 

She can be sweet, pretty, sexy, funny. She had no problem finding good guys to date. And most thought they could love her enough to make her better. But when she switches into rage mode, she is hell bent on hurting herself, probably as a punishment to whomever she feels wronged her. She jumped out of a moving car.

 

I often brought that up that she was bipolar. She could just snap at the drop of a hat. We could be out for dinner with the Queen of England and if she was mad about something she would make a big scene REGARDLESS of who was watching. Another problem with that type of behaviour, no discretion, which can make it hard for the person with them. I always told her she needed counselling in the most delicate way possible. However, you never tell a crazy person they are crazy. That'll just make it worse.

 

And yes she tried to jump out of a moving car once. She started a fight out of the silliest of things (her type do that) and she wanted out of the car and I was driving down a rather busy road but she literally opened the passenger door. Now, was she going to jump? I don't know, but I grabbed onto her so hard since it looked like she was about to that it left a nasty bruise on her arm, which looked really bad on the surface of things. But what could you do with someone like that?

[NomiMalone]

My former partner threatened me with this last night. We had a tumultuous relationship mainly due to his array of mental health issues he's refused to seek help for, and I'd left him 2 months ago. Last night was so traumatic for both of us. His threat was clearly a cry for help. I went over to his place to see him and he was in such a bad way. But sadly, I was unable to give him the response he wanted (get back with him). After I left, I contacted his mother and asked her to keep an eye on him. I felt so helpless but it was the only thing I could do. Today I told him I was no longer going to respond to anymore contact.

 

My heart goes out to everyone who's ever been in this horrible situation (both the person contemplating ending their life, and the loved ones who try to be there for them). Mental illnesses are just as debilitating as many other physical illnesses/disabilities. Only when the person genuinely wants to change, will they seek professional help, and unfortunately many don't. I ended up calling Lifeline last night when I got home, because I was just so traumatised and felt so alone. The counsellor advised that in situations where someone threatens suicide, the best thing to do would be to call emergency, where trained paramedics are able to assess what kind of help the person needs.

[crederer]

Yeah. My ex has a history of sexual abuse.

 

There seems to be some kind of weird innate understanding of that second bolded part by the people that have these issues. My ex could wield her emotional pain like a sword or a scalpel. She was phenomenal at manipulating my emotions, and if she was in pain she would ensure that I was in pain too. Of course, nothing that I did helped her to alleviate her pain- at the time I didn't realize that it had absolutely nothing to do with me; that her emotions had been permanently screwed up years earlier by daddy badtouch and any attempt on my part to help was doomed before it started.

 

Jesus christ did you date my ex? I was going to make a more in depth post but it would be a carbon copy of this.

 

My ex threatened it all the time. At first I did all the things people point out in this post but when you hear it thousands of times and it gets to the point of "if you don't drive me to x place, I swear to god I'm jumping off the bridge" you start to lose patience and belief that she'll actually do it.