What do you consider to be a Toxic Relationship? Signs?

[TheAlchemist]

Eternal Sunshine just started a new thread with a link to Toxic Relationship habits...which got me thinking.

 

What habits, signs, red flags or symptoms indicate a Toxic Relationship to you?

 

Have you been in one, what is your experience?

 

Want to know my biggest red flag of a toxic relationship with my current gf?

 

Not being able to communicate my needs or concerns without her getting mad or frustrated..being scared to starting a fight especially during times of stress obligates me in shutting my mouth and exploding later on

 

=BOOM, toxic

[man_in_the_box]

Undiagnosed depression running rampant. The one you said about not being able to communicate hits home as well. I've definitely been there in the past.

[Emilia]

Push-pull dynamic as soon as there is intimacy. I leave immediately.

[King_Crimson]

The relationship I had with my ex-gf, back a few years ago, was probably the definition of toxic/abusive. Some of the various signs are:

 

-Defining Who You Are Allowed to See: manipulating you to not hang out with your friends or family because your SO "doesn't like them" or without credible reason. This can be through the threat of suicide. breaking up with you, or other various manipulative methods.

-Verbal Abuse: constantly putting you down or making you feel inferior. Forcing you to be believe that you are lucky to be with him/her and that you're nothing without them. Bringing up your past mistakes as a form of weaponry to use against you during arguments in order to 'take you down a size'.

-Physical Abuse: when things don't go your SO's way or you 'defy' them, they become aggressive, start yelling, and are 'in your face'. This can escalate into actual assault and/or beating in an effort to prove their dominance over you.

-Not Pulling Their Weight/Refusing to Improve/Not Taking Responsibility for His or Her Actions/Not Letting You Improve: depending on the stage you are in the relationship, your SO doesn't want to improve or help out your situation together or won't take responsibility for things that should otherwise be either a mutual contribution or that is his/her issue, not helping to pay for things, and not letting you do things that could benefit your life in the future (i.e. getting a job, doing you a favour, help paying the bills, not letting you go on that business trip for your work, etc).

-Refusal to be Understanding/Sacrificial: when your SO refuses to do something, or let you do something, they don't want to do or want you to do, even though it makes you happy (this is within reason of course). This includes: sports, tv shows, going to a convention of some sort, etc.

 

In the end, it comes down to manipulative and controlling behaviour. Can also be a product of a mental disorder as well (such as depression as man_in_the_box said).

Edited August 16, 2013 by King_Crimson

[EasyHeart]

Passive-aggressiveness.

[TheAlchemist]

What's push-pull dynamic?

 

One person wants to be intimate, the other pulls away and refuses

[Emilia]

What's push-pull dynamic?

 

One person wants to be intimate, the other pulls away and refuses

Sort of. When you get close to the other person on some level, usually it isn't just sexual but where emotions are at stake and they start pulling back and change their communication pattern. It tends to indicate emotional unavailability and trust issues. After a while when the distance has helped them to regain some balance, they start trying to get closer to you again only to pull away again when intimacy gets too much. Repeat ad nauseam.

[Emilia]

Thanks for explanation. That sucks then.

It's a dysfunctional way to relate to others but many people engage in it unknowingly, especially when they are younger and/or didn't grow up in a stable family, were abused, have huge trust issues, etc etc.

[hotpotato]

Lying

 

Blameshifting

 

Openly involves 3rd party whether it's a person (without consent of the other person) or substance.

 

Hits you or threatens to hit you. Behavior may escalate. One bf held me down by my arms. Then he would do other things to show he was stronger than me, but not in a playful way. He would get in my face and pretend punch me. At first I thought he was playing, but he seemed pretty serious towards the end of our relationship.

 

Verbal put downs. Constantly being negative towards you. The really ones will berate you then same somethg nice about someone else. For example, the ex would say he was tired of me then talk about how he wanted other women.