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It's been 2 years since my breakup. Ask me questions. I'll assist the best I can.

Jonnyy

By Jonnyy
in Coping

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Jonnyy Established Member

Jonnyy

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Well this is the first time I have been on here in what seems like forever. Probably a year and half.

 

Earlier today, out of curiosity, I looked at my ex's profile on fb. New profile picture. With the guy she left me for. And for the first time I think I actually feel happy for her. It was sort of a mixture of sadness and happiness, but it was new. I started think about her more and our breakup and remember about this site that I so adored when I was going through a tough breakup. I re read a couple of my old posts and literally wanted to slap my self in the face. I really can't believe how much of a mess I was and all the stupid **** I did. Lots of regrets. Yet still a lot of things I'm glad I did.

 

A general recap of how I am now: I'm about to start my third year of college. I have grown into what seems like an entirely different and new person with many new friends. I use to be so shy and introverted, but now I have become a lot more talkative, fun, and generally outgoing. I don't think my ex would even recognize me and think who the hell is this guy!? Sometimes I still hope they breakup and she contacts me. Some days I long to find someone new to steal my heart. Some days I'm just completely content with how my life is. Overall, BREAKING UP WAS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME. Although it's tough to say that, it's true. She was my first love, first breakup, and it molded me into an entirely new person that I like a lot more than who I use to be. Don't get me wrong, Im still pretty much the same ol' guy, but I think that I have been able to add a lot of positive traits to myself.

 

So if you guys are having a tough time going through a breakup and need some help coping, just hang in there and you'll turn out just fine...I promise.

 

And ask me any questions you want that you feel my experience could help you out in some way!

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Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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I'd like to know why despite doing everything right, they never seem to regret it, despite the dumper being a complete Ahole. And having no mutual friends or anything on fb they'll never know the improvements you've made. Also having no contact because then they'll actually have to admit they lied, cheated and painted you black to justify their own behavior.

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Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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Also why I can't say how I'm happy without them and engaged when they were a complete Ahole to me. And one dumper contacted me just to brag that his life was better without me, yet this was ok?

jesse93 Established Member

jesse93

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I'm happy you've healed man it inspires me to hear a story like this, its been about 2-3 weeks since my break up and its been hard its hard for me to let go of what we had, but I'm trying to hold on and make it through.

 

Anyway just out of curiosity do you like AVA? :o I noticed your DP and I'm pretty sure thats one of the albums from AVA, I love that band one of my favorites so I was just curious :p

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Jonnyy Established Member

Jonnyy

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SugarKane, I hope I understood your question, but what I think you're asking is why you can't brag and flaunt how far you've come along since your breakup even though they can stroke their ego all they want. I think its more of not that you can't but more of why you shouldn't. In may opinion, they don't need to know. Why should they? Info about your life should be a privillage anyway. Talking to them will only hurt you in the run long. I learned that the hard way. In all honesty, LS is right when it comes to no contact. NC is probably the best thing anyone can do, of course their are some exceptions. You know how far you've come, how much you've healed and moved on, why should you care that they know? I know how you feel where you just want to rub it in their face how much better you are without them, but there's no point, it just makes you look like a loser. Makes it seem like you have to prove yourself to them for some reason when in reality you don't. Let them be the *******, let them feel like they have to show that they are better without you in order to justify their action of breaking it off. That's all it is, they're trying to justify breaking up with you. If you happen to run into them and they see how much better you are then who has won the war then? You. Stay strong and keep on doing what you're doing and you'll do fine. Don't let them get to you.

 

And Jesse, AVA is my absolute favorite band. They also helped me a lot during my breakup. Star of Bethlehem/True Love is their best work in my opinion. Also stay strong and trust me when I say it gets better because it will. It may take some time, but that's ok. After its all done and over and the pain is all gone (for the most part) you'll be able to see and think clearly without the haze of heartbreak and see so many red flags, so many reasons why it didn't work out and why it shouldn't have worked out at all. You'll also begin to see just how tall you've rebuilt yourself and how how this whole experience was probably for the better and made you into a new, stronger, and wiser person who is ready to love again. Hang in there and keep your head up and listen to some AVA!

richard9 Established Member

richard9

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Really happy that you have moved on and doing well. Love to read stuff like this as it gives me further hope and is something I shall certainly do when I get there.

 

I am similar in that she was my first love, and im going to Uni this September I really cant wait. My question is with her been your first how did it effect relationships with future women? I mean did you compare them to her? Since she was all you knew was it difficult to engage with other women after her?

 

I know I wont find another like her and im scared i'll push other women away because they arent as pretty (she was my dream girl) or I dont bond with them the same.

 

Thanks

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Jonnyy Established Member

Jonnyy

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She was my first legitimate love and I thought without a doubt that she was the girl I was going to marry. I remember having my whole future life planned out in my head about how we would get married have kids and grow old together and I think that made it a lot harder for me to get over her. I think it's a bad idea to actually try and plan out your future with someone because the truth is is that no one really knows what can happen. Never would a million years did I think that she would leave me for someone else, but it did which just proves that the future can't be planned.

 

I think it really has had an affect on how I view future relationships with women. I actually haven't been in a relationship since her and I think that part of the reason is is that I can't really find a girl who will be as good. In my mind I have my ex as being some sort of goddess who no one will ever live up to but that's just so ridiculous that I am trying to tell myself that there are better girls out there for me and that she just wasn't the one for me. I have become really picky with who I have interest in dating. I see beautiful girls around all the time and some are even my friends yet I would never date them, they just aren't for me. Although its probably bad for me, I am just waiting for the perfect girl for myself. But, honestly, I think forcing yourself to put yourself out there and see other women is something everyone should do after a tough breakup. It can help prove to you that there are in fact better girls out there for you. Take it slow and just do your best to get yourself out there and dating again. It'll take time, but time is the only thing that can heal you. Whether it be a couple months, a year, 2 years, etc. Time will help you move on and find the real girl of your dreams. She's out there waiting for you. You have this vision of your ex that she was the best there ever was which is not true for anyone at all. There are so many girls out there and I guarantee you can find a better match, even though I don't even know you at all.

 

So just stick in there, hang tough, and let time run its course. Do your best to get yourself out there and dating again because there are so many great girls out there that you could be happy with. It sucks to say it but our ex's weren't the goddesses we once thought they were.

 

I hope this helped and if you need anything else just let me know!

Edited by Jonnyy
richard9 Established Member

richard9

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Very helpful jonnyy thankyou!

 

I believe there is a different girl out there for me, I have to, I know it wont be easy. But least our ex's showed us that we are able to have a relationship and keep it. There is hope.

 

Good luck my friend. And thanks again.

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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Thankyou Johnnyy

WordvAction Established Member

WordvAction

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How much can you bench?

PositiveNegative Established Member

PositiveNegative

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No way, I don't believe this!!!

 

Haven't been on here for years and saw this thread. What are the chances!!?!?

 

Seriously, shoot me an email man. I'd love to catch up.

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