am I destined to be alone? Is it bad luck or a problem?

[whitewhale]

hi everyone, I have ready many threads here, but I'm posting for the first time. I was looking for an ANSWER. not just here, but in my mind, among friends, once at shrink's.. I don't know what to think about my problem - maybe you will have some better perspective, as you are outside of my worried mind...

 

the issue is this - I'm 26 and a bit, 27 rather, and still alone. I have followed the commitment phobia thread and thought it might be it, but am not so sure, and don't want to think of myself as an incurable case; but I can't understand why I seem to be attracted to guys who either are not themselves interested or not free (I get interested also before I find out they're unavailable).

 

and often enough I am attracting guys who I can be only friends with, try as I might. Or I don't like them, which is a case sometimes.

 

My relationships (3, cause I am not counting weird cases) never lasted more than 2 months - once I was cheated on, and the other two, I completely lost interest plus had enough of arguments for myself not to continue those.

 

I am beginning to think that I have bad luck or something. How long can you wait without losing all hope?? I have great friends - mostly female, good (low-paid) job, and nobody (male) really special to be with. it gets me down so.

 

I am not shy, but I seem just to live on a desert - I don't meet so many people. I do get out, but I meet the kind I've mentioned. So what do I do? Do you think I am "destined" to be alone?

[opaleye]

No. I don't think anyone is destined to be alone. You just need to try new things if the things you are trying aren't working for you. If you keep meeting the same kinds of people (those that aren't right for you) then you should go new places! Try new things! Try to think of things you enjoy and go to places to do those things- then you should meet people who also enjoy those things and may be more suited to you. And if that doesn't work then you just keep trying. Relax about it though, don't freak out about it and it will come to you. But you gotta keep trying and keep trying to be positive, if you put that out there people will want to get to know you and you them. And when you do get into a relationship try to not put pressure on yourself to make it work, just let it be and see what happens- you can make your own destiny- decide that yours will be a good one and make it happen.

[whitewhale]

Thanx for such a load of optimism! I will try to keep trying, though it's not easy, at least now... but I'll think of the "new things" at least. Maybe somethinng will come up my way...

[opaleye]

I hope things look up for you soon. I know how it can be really hard when things just keep getting you down and making things worse and you just feel like your entire life is one bad habit. But the mere fact that you WANT things to change and want to be happy is a positive thing- you are aware that you want something more than what you have right now and because you know that you are able to do something about it! It's the people who don't even know that they are unhappy or have no idea that there is something better out there that should be more concerned- you are aware of that something else and because you are I think that you'll make it happen. Just keep going and see what opportunities you can make for yourself- all it takes is one thing to go right or to happen across one person to change your entire world! Just get out there each day and one day will be the day that everything falls into place. Good luck!!!!!!