Author treebag Posted September 16, 2013 Author Posted September 16, 2013 I went to the record store today that we used to go to together all the time (have only been there by myself twice maybe). I went with a friend and I hadn't been there since d-day. It felt really weird and it felt like the lustre and the magic of the place was gone. We started collecting together, I had wanted to for a while but she kind of pushed and said we should do it. Now it feels like the appeal of my collection, the record store, and the hobby itself is gone. I was hoping that going there today would bring back the thrill of it all, but I guess it just brought back memories and made it feel like the hobby died when our relationship ended. All it does is remind me of her and I guess the way I feel about this is the way she feels about me/us.
Author treebag Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 Well today is two weeks strict NC. I was feeling pretty good lately and that I'm that I'm making great progress until this morning. I saw her at the train station and she was on the same train. I went one car over to avoid her because as soon as I saw her my heart started racing and I felt like I was going to pass out. She looked so beautiful and I wanted to talk to her but nothing good would come of it. She must've seen me when I got off cuz I had to walk right past where she was sitting. Maybe not, could've been on her phone or something. I feel like I'm back to square one and want her back so badly!
Author treebag Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 After today, I'm really wishing she would've gotten into school and moved away for two years. We live less than a 10 minute drive away, so odds are I'll run into her again many places. I've read so many stories about people and their exes and how horrible they were. I almost wish that she was because she's such a selfless person, so caring and empathetic, wants to pursue a career in helping others (occupational therapy). She never cheated, and would move boulders for friends and family without expecting anything in return. She wasn't perfect obviously, but she is just such a loyal, caring person that always thinks of others first. I know it sounds like I'm putting her on a pedestal, but she really is an amazing person and it's hard to get over the fact that she's out of my life. All of these thoughts and feelings popped back up today after I saw her, and it doesn't help that I've dreamt about her the last two nights.
Author treebag Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Well it's been two days since I saw her on the train and since then I can't get her out of my head. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I've just been regressing since then. I'm back to the point where I wake up every morning hoping there is a text from her waiting for me saying we need to talk. I know I have a better chance of winning the powerball, which is a long shot since I live in the great white north! I know she's not coming back, but for some reason getting over seeing her two days ago feels harder than the six day trip with her. After both the initial breakup, and the time after the trip, I started feeling better and the acceptance was there but I still wasn't over her. Now it feels worse than ever and I just wish she would come back more than anything. It doesn't help that family and friends keep poking and prodding asking if we've been in contact and some even asking if we're back together as they thought we would be by now. I tell them if she was willing to move to the other side of the country for 2 years, I don't see her coming back. I just don't know what to do to help me move on now. Even when I am with friends or doing things I can't get her out of my head. I have lost interest in hobbies and I guess now I just have GTA V to escape.
Author treebag Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Well yesterday was another trying day. It was the day of one of my best friend's engagement parties, a big fancy affair as that is what his future wife is into. Anyways, during the day one of my friends posted a picture on twitter mentioning me and said still one of the best pictures ever, a funny picture of me when I was getting my head shaved by my ex. I don't know why all of a sudden he would post this with her in it, not to mention the day after d-day he posted a picture of us from her bday party the night before and mentioned me so I would see it. On to the party, I felt so out of place. All of my friends that were there are coupled up while I'm the odd man out. It doesn't help that since the breakup I have lost my swagger (no not the rapper kind) and just haven't felt right, basically my confidence is shot. I feel like I'm just not good enough and that nobody will ever want to be with me. All of the happy couples at the party and the picture from earlier in the day just had her in my head and I felt so sad and that I'll never be one of those couples again.
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