melell Posted September 6, 2013 Posted September 6, 2013 being friends after being together is like saying 'the dog died but we can still keep it' 1
Author treebag Posted September 6, 2013 Author Posted September 6, 2013 I can't believe you or her went through with it. I get her a bit because they really are in there idc mode and probably have someone else. How'd you pull it off? Well she definitely was idc, especially when we went out to any place with dancing. It was rough but the whole time I kept thinking I'm not going to let her ruin my trip. It's good though talking about this and thinking of how she acted when we would go out just ditching and then saying you look like you're not having a good time blah blah blah. At this point I'm feeling angry and thinking wow maybe she wasn't the person I thought she was.
Sugarkane Posted September 7, 2013 Posted September 7, 2013 I'm amazed my anger would've gotten in the way. I'm confused it's odd for a dumper to do this. They usually don't give one iota about the dumpee.
Author treebag Posted September 8, 2013 Author Posted September 8, 2013 I'm amazed my anger would've gotten in the way. I'm confused it's odd for a dumper to do this. They usually don't give one iota about the dumpee. Which part are you confused about? The whole trip was confusing for me. Today I feel weak, I feel like I really want/need her back. That trip with both of our families is in about 3 weeks and I want to go, but I think it will be hard if she is there. I want her back but I realize if she was prepared to up and move to the other side of the country for two years, that there's really no chance she'll have a change of heart. I'm currently doing my practicum for university and there are two events pertaining to it that weekend. I feel if I don't go on the trip that it's not like her being there is the only reason I didn't go which gives some relief I guess. I haven't heard from her since she replied to my text the other day, but I don't intend on texting her again.
Sugarkane Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Which part are you confused about? The whole trip was confusing for me. Today I feel weak, I feel like I really want/need her back. That trip with both of our families is in about 3 weeks and I want to go, but I think it will be hard if she is there. I want her back but I realize if she was prepared to up and move to the other side of the country for two years, that there's really no chance she'll have a change of heart. I'm currently doing my practicum for university and there are two events pertaining to it that weekend. I feel if I don't go on the trip that it's not like her being there is the only reason I didn't go which gives some relief I guess. I haven't heard from her since she replied to my text the other day, but I don't intend on texting her again. I'm confused how you managed to get through this vacation at all and why the dumper would even go because 9/10 they could care less about anyone but themselves.
Omei Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 This is so unhealthy in so many ways, you know I have a feeling and she totally knows it, you're there for everything and anything she needs going on that trip so proved it to her, have you gotten anything good out of this yet? My guess is no.
Author treebag Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 This is so unhealthy in so many ways, you know I have a feeling and she totally knows it, you're there for everything and anything she needs going on that trip so proved it to her, have you gotten anything good out of this yet? My guess is no. You're right, all I've gotten is more hurt. I know I have to stick to NC because she ain't never coming back and it hurts so bad.
stormer1092 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 She strung you along just like my ex did. I think its worse then anything. But my ex also found a new guy 4 days after we "broke" up. We didn't even really end it. Its the worst feeling in the world.
Author treebag Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 She strung you along just like my ex did. I think its worse then anything. But my ex also found a new guy 4 days after we "broke" up. We didn't even really end it. Its the worst feeling in the world. She didn't really string me along though. She made it clear how she felt and I tried to keep it as amicable as possible for the trip.
stormer1092 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 She didn't really string me along though. She made it clear how she felt and I tried to keep it as amicable as possible for the trip. Yea and my ex said she's not happy right now and just needs time apart and we were still talking. Turns out she wanted a new taste.
BC1980 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My ex and I (and our families) had already booked a trip before we broke up. So we went, thinking we would just do our own thing. Well, he texts me to see him while we are in Colorado to do some hiking. So since I was a d&mbass, I consented. We ended up spending 3 days together. It was such an excruciating thing. Reminded me of our other trips together. Awkward being around the family who looked like they pitied me. Lesson learned is no trips with an ex. Just doesn't work, and it kinda ruined my trip in some ways.
Author treebag Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 My ex and I (and our families) had already booked a trip before we broke up. So we went, thinking we would just do our own thing. Well, he texts me to see him while we are in Colorado to do some hiking. So since I was a d&mbass, I consented. We ended up spending 3 days together. It was such an excruciating thing. Reminded me of our other trips together. Awkward being around the family who looked like they pitied me. Lesson learned is no trips with an ex. Just doesn't work, and it kinda ruined my trip in some ways. I feel like I'll be in the same boat if I go. Even if she doesn't go, I think her family will act the same way towards me.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I still don't know how you did this. I spent a weekend with my ex six weeks after we broke and had a buffer (her sister and my friend) and most of the time it was painfully awkward.
giblesp Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 When she says, 'You can flirt with girls of you want,' this translates as 'I've been flirting(at least) with guys.' You're entering a world of pain if you keep in contact with this girl. She knows you're hurting and she probably feels it too. But her remedy is to keep you there as a friend, while you accept her scraps from the table. I remember meeting a couple who'd broken up, the girl had ended it but they were still hanging out together. He was accepting an emotional, non sexual connection because it was all he could get. As soon as his back was turned, she was ready to get it on with me, which I refused. If she's not fulfilling you, then why spend time with her? Its not easing the pain, its drawing it out. And I'm sorry to say this but she's checking other guys. Maybe more. You want to be around for that? The next girl is out there and you're wasting time. Move on.
Misfortune Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 At least you're not living with your ex in laws. -_- 1
Author treebag Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 I still don't know how you did this. I spent a weekend with my ex six weeks after we broke and had a buffer (her sister and my friend) and most of the time it was painfully awkward. For the most part, it didn't feel that awkward, I tried to act as if I was having a good time and that I didn't want her even though I did so bad. It was awkward when everywhere we'd go they would try to sign us up for couples stuff or take couples pictures at attractions. Also, when we signed up for the club crawl they asked how long we were together and she said ohh we aren't. Then they told us about the different color stickers you put on to indicate single, hard to get, horny or taken. I slapped a single one on real quick to try and show her I was fine even though I wasn't. She basically said oh that's boring and she put a hard to get one on herself and went on her merry way. The really hard parts were when we would go out and she would just ditch immediately and not givafck whether I was there or not, or at least that's how I felt. That's when I would go off and do my own thing and she would text or if we were still at the same place come up and say you alright? Like ya I'm great... It was like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, during the day when we would do tourist stuff she would act like she cared at least as much as a good friend would and acted like her normal self. We would joke and act almost as if we were still together, even though that ship sailed a long time ago for her. At night she would just go off and do her own thing and maybe care or at least put on an act to try and make me/her ego feel better by showing her "concern." When she says, 'You can flirt with girls of you want,' this translates as 'I've been flirting(at least) with guys.' You're entering a world of pain if you keep in contact with this girl. She knows you're hurting and she probably feels it too. But her remedy is to keep you there as a friend, while you accept her scraps from the table. I remember meeting a couple who'd broken up, the girl had ended it but they were still hanging out together. He was accepting an emotional, non sexual connection because it was all he could get. As soon as his back was turned, she was ready to get it on with me, which I refused. If she's not fulfilling you, then why spend time with her? Its not easing the pain, its drawing it out. And I'm sorry to say this but she's checking other guys. Maybe more. You want to be around for that? The next girl is out there and you're wasting time. Move on. Like I stated, I have stopped contacting her and will not contact her again unless it's about the tickets and she initiates. Even then, I don't know if I'll answer and either just give her money or the tickets through my parents or something as they are still friends. The Vegas trip was so hard and I know she's been flirting with guys (at least), I was there. Hell, for all I know she might've made out with the guy she randomly started talking to when we were sitting down because her feet hurt at the club. I walked away because she turned her body to talk to him and seemed to completely disregardme, so I disregarded her. I walked away, got a drink and went to watch the opening dj. After a while I felt like maybe I'll go find her, and then thought no, that's what she wants. I stayed watching the show the rest of the time and she came up twice asking if I was alright and would go back to sit down. She left right before Knife Party came on, her loss! It was those moments on the trip that cut right through me (no pun intended) and made me want the trip to be over. The whole time I would see so many happy couples and I just wished I was there with someone that loved me, or at least a friend to party with.
Author treebag Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 At least you're not living with your ex in laws. -_- Wow I can't even imagine. That sounds really rough. A little update, I was talking with my mom about the trip and whether I was actually going to go or not. She still meets with my exes mom at book club and I guess my ex didn't get into school, and it sounds like she didn't get the job either (not positive), but the exes mom congratulated me on getting my job and passing the language tests for a bilingual bonus. Her mom said she doesn't know what my ex is going to do now insinuating there is no job and no school. Not that it matters or is any worry to me, I just wonder if the way she acted in Vegas pushed her bad karma over the edge As for the trip, I guess her family is still staying in the same condo/hotel in the room right next to ours as it was all booked back in February. Right after we broke up, her mom texted me saying she was so sorry for what happened and that I'm always welcome to come over so I am on good terms with her parents at least. With that said, I think it would still be super awkward, maybe even more awkward then or Vegas trip if that's possible just because her potentially pitying parents will be there. I also have a bunch of members of my extended family going that weekend (both grandmas, an aunt/uncle, aunt, cousin) who are staying in the same condo/hotel. Again, I want to go, but with our rooms right next to each other we're bound to run into her family and her mom will probably want to interact nonetheless. I was really looking forward to this run, its a 10k through the mountains and I was planning on wearing my banana suit to race. I'm back to feeling that if I don't go she wins, and if I do go it could potentially be really awkward. Sorry for all the lengthy posts, just feel the need to vent.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Dude, stop going where your ex is going. You won't "lose" if you don't go, you'll lose more if you do go. Contemplating doing that after the Vegas thing is just absurd.
Author treebag Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Well I'll lose out on doing the race and going to something I wanted to do. The only way I would go is if I knew she wasn't going for sure.
Omei Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Dude, stop going where your ex is going. You won't "lose" if you don't go, you'll lose more if you do go. Contemplating doing that after the Vegas thing is just absurd. Agree, You're now LETTING yourself be set up for hurt you're really just doing self torture at this point. And yes she is stringing you along she knows you're hurting and that you still care for her and she's OKAY with that she still loves that she can get attention from you, she knows she can you're 100% available to her. You're still def in some type of "hopeful" stage where you secretly think shes going to change her mind, there's no other reason as to explain why you would keep going on trips with her.
giblesp Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 That's a situation that nobody needs to go through. Whatever good memories you have with her, they are now the past and you will be one of those happy couples again, with someone else. It sounds like she's a nice girl concerned with your feelings. But she was giving guys attention in front of you. If you're not her number 1 when you feel this way about here, walk away like you did. Well done with that. Keep walking and don't look back.
Author treebag Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Agree, You're now LETTING yourself be set up for hurt you're really just doing self torture at this point. And yes she is stringing you along she knows you're hurting and that you still care for her and she's OKAY with that she still loves that she can get attention from you, she knows she can you're 100% available to her. You're still def in some type of "hopeful" stage where you secretly think shes going to change her mind, there's no other reason as to explain why you would keep going on trips with her. I know i can't go on the trip, nothing good will come of it like you and others have said. She doesn't contact/communicate with me though. The last time we communicated (right after the trip) I initiated and she ended abruptly. And I wouldn't say I'm hopeful, it's more of wishful. I dont know why though, as i sais she said im not the man for her and all that. She was the first girl i loved and i guess theres still a part of me that's in shock/disbelief. It's hard we went to so many concerts together, I went to one last night and one of my/her favourite bands is coming in December who we happened to meet at a small show last time they came. I intend to buy tickets to the first of the two shows they have. Maybe by then I'll be alright, maybe not.
Author treebag Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Well it's official, I'm not going on the trip. I told my boss this morning that I can work the events going on that weekend so now it's not even an option which is good. I can't keep doing this to myself, it's just music is so important in my life and everything reminds me of her. I want to go to "our" record store on the weekend, but I have this vision in my head of her walking in as I'm crate digging with some other guy :/ I just don't want to be scared to go to places we used to go, hopefully with time this will pass.
Author treebag Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 I guess it also doesn't help that I got to know her family really well including extended family and that I really liked them as well as all of her friends. It's been a long time now that I've deleted her on all forms of social media, all messages from my phone, pictures from my phone (minus the trip ones I sent her, deleted right after), boxed up all the cards and things she gave me as well as taken down the shadow box she made me of concert tickets, pictures and guitar picks etc. from said concerts. The only thing that's left is the watch she bought me that I really really like and get compliments on all the time. I honestly feel that I am emotionally detached from it (don't associate it with her), but I don't know if subconsciously this is keeping her in my mind all the time (terrible joke).
Author treebag Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Well looks like the longwinded post before my last one didn't make the cut. It basically said I realize that the trip was a big mistake, but that I would've regretted missing Black Sabbath, and that getting over her isn't helped by family/friends that think we will get back together asking about it. Today it's been a week of strict NC and I woke up flying high! Not because it's been a week, but I guess having a good sleep for once did wonders. I felt upbeat and really positive all day at work and once again have the feelings that I'm thankful for the time we had together but that there's someone else out there for me. I know I'm far from out of the woods yet, but this high I felt today I think was the best I've felt through the roller coaster of highs and lows. I want to reach out and tell her that I'm sorry for any wrongs, thank you for the time we spent together and that I wish for her to be happy. Don't worry, I am absolutely 110% not going to do this as nothing good would come of it, but just having those feelings feels good. I just hope I can at least continue to take two steps forward and one step back emotionally.
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