GF broke up with me, we're still going to Vegas...

[treebag]

Hi,

 

First post, read a lot of stuff on here recently after my break-up. The long and short of it is we had a trip booked for Vegas since June 15th, she broke up with me the day after her birthday and we're still going. I'm 24, she's 22.

 

The long version is, we've been dating for 3 years and a few months and she works at a summer camp (second summer there), so she is away for a week or more at a time and comes back for a day or so every once and a while. Last summer our relationship was a strained during the summer because of this as we normally spend a lot of time together. This year was no different and it seemed strained but still good when she would come back.

 

She would still text I love you everyday and everything seemed normal until she came over one day and said basically that she loves me as a person but that she doesn't feel the same way anymore, that we would both have to make changes to be together and that she doesn't see us taking the next step. I talked to her after we broke up and told her how I felt first in person and then more through texts. She said she's glad I made all these realizations but that I'm not the man for her and that there's a woman out there that can better fulfill my needs. She was always the one that would say I love you and I never thought she would ever end it, especially seemingly out of nowhere.

 

She was always the one who hinted at hoping I'm in her future and not wanting me to break her heart. I guess maybe she found someone at camp but I don't think that is the case. It was a shock to everyone including her family as our parents have become friends and both asked each other what happened. It's been really hard but it's been 3 weeks as of today and I am coming to accept that maybe she won't ever come back even though I thought she was the one. She said I could take someone else if I wanted to, but the tickets can't be changed and I initially said I didn't really have any desire to go anymore, but I have switched to maybe this is my chance to win her back or get us both drunk and hitched at a cheesy chapel Hangover style!

 

Since I texted her a week or so ago saying let's go it'll be fun, she has been saying how excited she is and seems to text more and seems overly happy about the trip and happy for me (I got a permanent position at work). I don't initiate the texts but I respond when she texts as it's kind of hard to go no contact when we're going to spend 6 days together. I asked if she wanted to meet up a few days before to plan stuff and she said that would be good. She texted a couple days later asking about the main stuff we were gonna do and made it seem like maybe she didn't want to meet anymore.

 

The hotel room we had booked is with 1 king bed so there's also that. At this point I'm kind of an emotional rollercoaster that bounces back between maybe this is for the better to how can I live without her? When she broke up with me she made it seem like she legitimately wants to still be friends as she said I am such a big part of her life but I want more than that. On top of our Vegas trip on Labor Day weekend, our families are both going on a trip (3 weeks later) to a 10k/half-marathon and staying in the same hotel together.

 

I want to ask her about why she doesn't see us taking the next step and if she just panicked during this transition phase in her life as she has just graduated her undergrad and is potentially accepted into a grad school on the other side of the country. Just the reasoning (even though there is no need for reason) of the breakup and all the stuff she said just sounded like excuses on top of excuses for what she really wanted to say but couldn't?

 

If I ask her I will have to also tell her how I feel and basically lay it all on the line. I think it is best to wait until after the trip but I don't know what to do if maybe there is some flame re-ignited during the trip. Sorry for rambling and thanks for reading if you make it down to here. Any advice would be appreciated!

 

Sincerely

- King of Wishful Thinking

Edited August 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BeholdtheMan]

I never thought she would ever end it, especially seemingly out of nowhere.

 

I guess maybe she found someone at camp but I don't think that is the case.

Nothing happens "out of nowhere". I think you have to be prepared for the possibility that she found someone else.

 

If she does come back to you, you wanna make sure that you're not just the backup plan. I don't want to get married to someone who's settling for you.

 

I have switched to maybe this is my chance to win her back

You know the common advice that when someone wants out of a relationship, the other person should not cling and retain his/her own dignity? Well...IT'S VERY GOOD ADVICE

 

I highly advise against this Vegas trip. It makes you seem very desperate. Don't try to win her back or whatever. You don't want to be with someone you had to badger and convince to stay.

 

Go no contact. If she comes back, that means she actually wanted to come back of her own free will. If she leaves for good, she wasn't committed enough to you and you should consider yourself for dodging a bullet.

[Misfortune]

I can't say that I've seen such an optimistic break up before; energy everywhere. IDE....good luck with that. I would put my money on someone new at camp. Idk which is worst: "let's be friends" or "we can still go on that vacation" after break up.

[CC12]

Don't go to Vegas with her.

 

But if you do go, go with no expectations at all, and just have a nice, friendly vacation without the pressure of trying to impress her or however you planned to go about winning her back. If you make any moves and she rejects you, I imagine it will be a miserable time for you both. And really awkward.

 

Or tell her up front that you're hoping this trip will change her mind about the breakup. She kind of deserves to know this since the plan is to share a room with one bed. If I knew someone wanted a relationship with me and I didn't return the feelings, I would never share a room with them.

 

Or you could still go on the trip, but stay in separate rooms far away from each other. If things go south, you can both just forget each other's existence and do your own thing.

 

But really, going on the trip together is a bad idea. There are just so many ways it can go badly, and only one single way it can go well for you since your main intention is to win her back. Those aren't good odds.

[treebag]

Don't go to Vegas with her.

 

But if you do go, go with no expectations at all, and just have a nice, friendly vacation without the pressure of trying to impress her

 

That's my mentality just go with no expectations and hope maybe she sees in me what initially attracted her; I'm not going to try and woo her or make it seem like I'm going over the top to win her back or anything. I can't not go on this trip, we're going to see Black Sabbath! And as far as not going with her, I guess I'd rather have her there than be alone in Vegas for 6 days. I am prepared that maybe she met someone at camp, but honestly there's like 5 guys that work there and I've met them before and I just don't see it. Who knows it could be someone outside of camp too.

[treebag]

I forgot to mention, when she broke up with me she came over and was bawling already, looked like she'd been crying for a while (understandable), but she said that she wished I had cheated or something to make this easier because it was by far the hardest thing she's ever had to do by a long shot. I thought that was kind of a strange thing to say that she wished I had cheated, but I guess maybe that would justify/solidify the breakup in her mind. At this point I'm really hoping she gets into grad school on the other side of the country if she has no intentions of getting back together with me, which will make it a lot easier to get over.

[Chi townD]

. I thought that was kind of a strange thing to say that she wished I had cheated, but I guess maybe that would justify/solidify the breakup in her mind.

 

Hmmm... dude, sorry, but my spidey senses are tingling a tiny bit. She pretty much gave you the ILYBINILWY speech and then she goes on to say that she wished you cheated on her? Dude, I have a feeling that there's someone else in the picture. Because if you did cheat, it would be easier to forgive herself for what she's doing to you. I could be wrong, but that doesn't happen often!

Edited August 16, 2013 by Chi townD

[Tropi_cali510]

Take her to the strip club girls get to touch girls

[Simon Phoenix]

That's my mentality just go with no expectations and hope maybe she sees in me what initially attracted her; I'm not going to try and woo her or make it seem like I'm going over the top to win her back or anything. I can't not go on this trip, we're going to see Black Sabbath! And as far as not going with her, I guess I'd rather have her there than be alone in Vegas for 6 days. I am prepared that maybe she met someone at camp, but honestly there's like 5 guys that work there and I've met them before and I just don't see it. Who knows it could be someone outside of camp too.

 

Six days in Vegas with an ex? This could get very, very ugly.

[treebag]

Six days in Vegas with an ex? This could get very, very ugly.

 

Yes, yes it could. I had the room switched to 2 queen beds instead 1 king to try and make it the least awkward as it possibly can be. I truly do want her back, but I refuse to beg and grovel or even show that I want it that way. This was supposed to be our first big trip together (just the two of us) and I don't want to dwell on us and what the trip would've been like if we were still together.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, yes it could. I had the room switched to 2 queen beds instead 1 king to try and make it the least awkward as it possibly can be. I truly do want her back, but I refuse to beg and grovel or even show that I want it that way. This was supposed to be our first big trip together (just the two of us) and I don't want to dwell on us and what the trip would've been like if we were still together.

 

In general six days in Vegas is three too long. Best of luck though.

[OzHeartache]

In general six days in Vegas is three too long. Best of luck though.

 

Hahaha agreed

[LostOne1]

Treebag.. a similar thing happened to me.

 

Honestly... she found someone else and when a girl says she doesn't feel it anymore. It's time for you to take a step away from her.

 

My advice would be to just not contact her at all. And you can't expect she will text you all the time for support. It doesn't work that way nor should you fall to her demands.

[treebag]

A little update:

The trip is in a week and she texted me today with a picture of a funny shirt and then said how we'll be in Vegas in a week! She asked about my job again and said she's super pumped for me that things are getting better at work (3 new girls started). The last time we texted was a week before about the logistics of the trip and she again asked how work was. I feel like I am really taking leaps and strides of getting over her and I think being around the new ladies is improving my confidence. I'm solidifying in my head the idea that we are not getting back together, though there is always the little voice that says "never say never". What I'm afraid of is that I'm so close to getting over her and the idea of us being together ever again, and now I have to spend 6 days straight with her with nobody else but her. I guess it will be a true test to see if I truly am over her or if this will just stir up some feelings. On another note, my friend had a BBQ a few nights ago where 3 of her friends attended and I think I portrayed myself in a way that made it seem like I was fine; calm, cool and collected. I thought it may be awkward with them attending but it wasn't and I hope they pass the message along to her. I don't know if meeting up with her before we leave will make the trip more or less awkward, but I feel like it might be weird if we don't as we haven't seen each other face to face for a few weeks and are going to be spending almost a week straight together...

[treebag]

She sent me a snapchat today of her grad picture and damn she looks so pretty! I had a hard time today not thinking about her and to think I made so much progress. At least the feeling of being clobbered in the stomach has gone away. I want to tell her how I feel and let it all out but I feel like if I do it before the trip it might make it reealllyyy awkward. I want to say sorry for taking her for granted and ask why she said she could not see us taking the next step (marriage and/or kids) and ask if its just because she thinks we're incompatible or if there's more to it.

[treebag]

For anyone keeping score at home, I got back from the Vegas trip with her on Tuesday morning. All and all the trip was awesome, saw and did so many things and made about $200! Throughout the trip I tried to be as upbeat as possible and act as if I didn't care, but there were moments that I just felt so terrible that she could care less that we are done and that I wanted her so bad. She said something odd the first day we were there, she said you know you can flirt with other girls if you want, I won't care. I'm thinking well no **** you broke up with me and said I'm not the man for you. When we would go out to clubs she would ditch and act as if she couldn't care less whether I was there or not which hurt really really badly. Then she would come up and say you look like you're not having a good time or you alright? If she intended to twist the knife, she did a helluva job Now that I'm back I know I have to go NC because the wounds and emotions from d-day are all back as if she just broke up with me again. My friend has a band and she asked if it would be weird if she came to his concerts still and if we're still going to hang out after the trip. I just said I don't know, I didn't want to get into it right at that moment but I know I can't be just friends with her. It hurt so bad being with her basically 24 hours a day for 6 straight days being so close but so so far. Being "just friends" hurts me and when she has a new guy it would absolutely kill me. We have concert tickets to Jethro Tull in late October so I texted her today just to see if she still wanted to go and sent some pics I took of her on my phone from the trip (she asked me to wasn't a creep ) and she said thanks and that she has some she has to send of me too. That was this afternoon and haven't heard back anything since. Should I pester her again and ask do you want to go to the concert or not? I could care less about the pictures, but I want to figure the concert out so I can go NC and not have her text me next month and put her in my head again. I've deleted her from all forms of social media even though I am still really tempted to look after being back from the trip. Finally, unless she just hasn't told me, she didn't get into school and won't be moving to the other side of the country. This worries me because I know it's over and I don't think she'll ever come back, it still gives the slightest glimmer of hope that is present in my heart but not my head. Anyone know where you can buy one of those men in black memory erasers?? I could really use one of those about now :/

[Simon Phoenix]

Just give her the tickets and go NC. I mean, what you did sounds like one of Dante's levels of Hell. Why would you want to go to a concert with her?

[barky2]

Honestly, couldn't believe she actually went.

 

I was waiting for her to back out 10mins before take off.

 

What the heck did u do in Vegas for 6 days???

 

I went out there after my breakup alone for three days...barely had a liver left.

 

Anywhoooo

 

Did she pay for anything while out there?

 

Airfare? Ect..

 

Or did she just go on a fun vacation at your expense?

 

I have to agree with others, she I'll give it a 95% chance she met someone.

 

Its still early so she could slip away with you to go on a fun vacation.

 

You haven't heard from her because more than likely she's with him.

 

Dude...broseph to broseph...stop being her door mat.

 

Give her the tickets and say you have other plans and walk the fug away.

 

Dear god please don't let her walk on you anymore.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[treebag]

That's the thing, I don't want to go to the show with her, I know it will just reverse any progress I've made just as the trip did. I'm also scared she'll have found someone else by then and it will kill me. I'm just trying to see if she still wants to go and either give her the tickets or have just find someone else to go with. As for the trip, it was heaven being in vegas, seeing Sabbath and doing all those awesome things, but hell being with someone I love so much and them being so far gone. Halfway through the trip I wanted to go home because of the hurt, but I knew I would regret missing all the shows and stuff yet to see.

[Salvatore85]

Sheesh man this is rough. You've got to stop letting her kick you in the nuts over and over again. Bro get away from her, for you. Otherwise this is going to end up bad.

[treebag]

I knew she was actually gonna come she kept saying how excited she was and hey if she didn't, it would be her loss money and experience wise.

We saw shows, exhibits, rides, concerts, walked through every hotel on the strip but 5 days would've been more than enough.

We went Dutch (hotel/airfare), but I would pay for something here and her there just out of convenience. She actually ended up paying for more stuff overall though. Maybe she felt bad/guilty about the breakup, I don't know.

As for the tickets, I made the effort and if she doesn't address it I'll just go with someone else and send her the cash for the other ticket.

As for another guy, I honestly don't think she has one, but I also honestly don't think she's ever coming back.

[Sugarkane]

How on earth did you cope? I'm usually too angry/ confused after a breakup and delete everything. It sounds painful. I'm also surprised she went because dumpers love blaming everything on us and painting us black. Didn't you only have a king sized bed?!

[treebag]

We booked with just a king, I called a couple weeks before and requested 2 queens. They said okay, it has been updated. We went to check in and the guy said so 1 king? She immediately said no 2 queens before I had a moment to speak :/

[Misfortune]

I can't believe you or her went through with it. I get her a bit because they really are in there idc mode and probably have someone else. How'd you pull it off?

[CC12]

Just give her the tickets and go NC.

 

Do this, OP.