For all going NC.....

[JDPT]

It really sucks but it's better to know sooner than later, right? I can't wait for this part of my life to be over. I hate thinking about her. I really want to move on but to be honest my heart is fuc%ed up. Maybe I need to stew and re-live every single freaking moment we were together in my head again and again before I can find peace.

 

Try not to add fuel to the fire, let them be and let them go. Just before writing this the memory of her and I in NYC seeing the Christmas three lighting came to my head. I thought, I did absolutely nothing to retrieve that memory it just popped in my head and let it go. Every moment with our exes was amazing, I guess being in love amplifies all those moments. We may choose to indulge and savor those memories with the understanding that they are also detrimental to us. Long road ahead, we must continue.

[lovesucks76]

Try not to add fuel to the fire, let them be and let them go. Just before writing this the memory of her and I in NYC seeing the Christmas three lighting came to my head. I thought, I did absolutely nothing to retrieve that memory it just popped in my head and let it go. Every moment with our exes was amazing, I guess being in love amplifies all those moments. We may choose to indulge and savor those memories with the understanding that they are also detrimental to us. Long road ahead, we must continue.

 

It's weird to think back when things were normal. We've had so many great moments. It's sad! Unfortunately I see my ex at least once a week at our triathlon boot-camp class. My ex and I met there earlier this year and we both have been attending this class for a few years now and we have some great friends there too so it's not like either one of us is willing to give it up or switch to a different class. It's a unique class for tri athletes anyway. We both compete in tri's and local area races so we can't really avoid one another forever I saw her last week too and we smiled but I avoided talking to her. Last night I ran into her again. I was early so I chose to wait in the car until right before class started to avoid talking to her. She sees me in the parking lot and walks over to my car. She asks 'how are you" I say 'fine' and she then says jokingly says "are you using steroids? cause you look amazing and super cut". I say 'thanks' and smile. I tell her she looks great too. She also congratulates me on a recent race I participated and asks about my business trip last week(she freaking remembered!) so I said it was great and tried to keep my response to just a few words. She asks me about my knee, my job and also my dog and says we should do the dog walk coming up next month. I tell her I would need to check my schedule and wasn't sure. She again tells me how great I look and how tanned I looked. Not sure where she was going with the compliments but I kept a poker face, smiled and said thanks! What she doesn't know is since our break up I've been hitting the gym everyday and also running daily trying to forget her. I guess I made some progress too. Since our break up I've also switched partners in class. I now partner with a different girl and she just happens to be the most attractive girl there so I could see her watching us and during water breaks she would walk over wanting to make small talk. I kept doing whatever I was doing and tried to ignore. It was so hard!! After class I walked over to my car and she followed me again. She said it was great seeing me again. I told her I was going to take some time off from the class to rest up an old injury and she said she looked forward to seeing me again possibly in a couple weeks. I said 'bye' and she then tells me how difficult her family has been, tells me about her dog, she just dumps an update (like I care).....I was pleasant but quiet. I could smell her from where I was standing, oh man, she smelled so freaking great just like I remembered. That was hard to take. I finally tell her I need to go and say 'bye". Like in the movies, she pauses for a long second and looks into my eyes and we say nothing but I could see she wanted to say more and almost felt like she was going to kiss me. It was a bit sad actually. I was motionless and just stood there poker faced. Fortunately one of our friends walks over and begins to talk to us and interrupts the moment. I take the opportunity to say bye again and walk away, leaving her with our friend. As I drive off I see her looking at me ad she waives again with a sad face. Not sure what to make of this. I won't see her again for almost 2 weeks because I'm taking a long break. Maybe it will be good for both of us too. I know she loves me but I also know we will probably not be together again ever because I'd be afraid to open up my heart to her. Lots of things would have to change. I hold ZERO hope. I will keep walking until I forget her.....It was tough last night.

[JDPT]

It's weird to think back when things were normal. We've had so many great moments. It's sad! Unfortunately I see my ex at least once a week at our triathlon boot-camp class. My ex and I met there earlier this year and we both have been attending this class for a few years now and we have some great friends there too so it's not like either one of us is willing to give it up or switch to a different class. It's a unique class for tri athletes anyway. We both compete in tri's and local area races so we can't really avoid one another forever I saw her last week too and we smiled but I avoided talking to her. Last night I ran into her again. I was early so I chose to wait in the car until right before class started to avoid talking to her. She sees me in the parking lot and walks over to my car. She asks 'how are you" I say 'fine' and she then says jokingly says "are you using steroids? cause you look amazing and super cut". I say 'thanks' and smile. I tell her she looks great too. She also congratulates me on a recent race I participated and asks about my business trip last week(she freaking remembered!) so I said it was great and tried to keep my response to just a few words. She asks me about my knee, my job and also my dog and says we should do the dog walk coming up next month. I tell her I would need to check my schedule and wasn't sure. She again tells me how great I look and how tanned I looked. Not sure where she was going with the compliments but I kept a poker face, smiled and said thanks! What she doesn't know is since our break up I've been hitting the gym everyday and also running daily trying to forget her. I guess I made some progress too. Since our break up I've also switched partners in class. I now partner with a different girl and she just happens to be the most attractive girl there so I could see her watching us and during water breaks she would walk over wanting to make small talk. I kept doing whatever I was doing and tried to ignore. It was so hard!! After class I walked over to my car and she followed me again. She said it was great seeing me again. I told her I was going to take some time off from the class to rest up an old injury and she said she looked forward to seeing me again possibly in a couple weeks. I said 'bye' and she then tells me how difficult her family has been, tells me about her dog, she just dumps an update (like I care).....I was pleasant but quiet. I could smell her from where I was standing, oh man, she smelled so freaking great just like I remembered. That was hard to take. I finally tell her I need to go and say 'bye". Like in the movies, she pauses for a long second and looks into my eyes and we say nothing but I could see she wanted to say more and almost felt like she was going to kiss me. It was a bit sad actually. I was motionless and just stood there poker faced. Fortunately one of our friends walks over and begins to talk to us and interrupts the moment. I take the opportunity to say bye again and walk away, leaving her with our friend. As I drive off I see her looking at me ad she waives again with a sad face. Not sure what to make of this. I won't see her again for almost 2 weeks because I'm taking a long break. Maybe it will be good for both of us too. I know she loves me but I also know we will probably not be together again ever because I'd be afraid to open up my heart to her. Lots of things would have to change. I hold ZERO hope. I will keep walking until I forget her.....It was tough last night.

 

Wow man that's a pretty sticky predicament you are in. I think you are doing the right thing by not backing off the class that you enjoy so much and keeps you and shape but on the other hand this is a double edge sword as you have to see her, acknowledge her, talk to her, hear her "updates", all this must be rough. I think if I would have been in your shoes I would have turned and walked away. My heart nowadays is too cold and filled with anger which is something I know I need to change as it's not healthy for me. Subconsciously what keeps you going and excited perhaps is the fact that you still see her and talk to her, know about her you know. You may not realize it but deep inside these things gets us going. I'm not certain if it's hope or what have you, but I recall a few weeks ago when my ex checked into my linkedin account and I got all excited for 20 minutes and then realized how silly I was, when someone told me "oh she was probably just curious" and you know what? that made a lot of sense to me in addition to making me feel utterly silly. I also have been going to the gym and dieting like a maniac, actually like I used which I should have never stopped just because I was too busy with my ex's issues. I have lost 36 pounds as yet, I think mostly because I'm never hungry anymore and I've been burning so many calories at the gym. Truth is, I want to get back into the way I looked when I met her. I used to be solid all muscle, ran 4 miles 7 days a week, strength training, I was a machine. And when in bed with her I would literally kill her to the point that she couldn't take anymore (sorry if it's too much info). I can only imagine the boost you got from her when she acknowledge your physic, I used to love it when my ex used to compliment me and couldn't keep her hands off me and neither could I keep my hands off her body and she never used to work out, she was too lazy, she was just one of those girls with amazing genes and a killer body. Take this time to recover from your injuries, both physical and emotional and this may go without saying that it will be a good idea to formulate something so that you no longer have these encounters with her.

[lovesucks76]

Good for you man, you have lost a significant amount of weight. Impressive!!! You should feel very proud of this accomplishment. Keep it up and soon other girls will notice too. To be honest its an ego boost when someone notices your improvements and helps with the healing process. At least for me.

 

I hear what you say but the thing is, my heart is broken but is not cold, not yet at least. I truly believe in compassion and try not to feel hate towards anyone especially her because she never intentionally hurt me. It was more like me noticing that she wasn't into the relationship like I was. I can't really blame her for not feeling the same way I did. She says she loved me but I'm not sure what kind of love that was. Was she saying it because she didn't want to lose me?? Maybe. She told me when we broke up that she didn't want to lose me and please let's stay in contact and I said NO I couldn't. I know she looked forward to hanging out when we were dating. We were very compatible in many ways. She admired my commitment to things and it made me feel great but she wasn't into it like I was. So I believe her when she says she didn't want to lose me. She's a very honest person but also very complex girl. She has been hurt before too and she's very careful with everything she does now. She lives alone in nice house, has a great job, adopted an old dog and she's very involved ina couple charities. She's a good person but she's very guarded and shy. I'm an extrovert, I have lots of great friends and I'm able to meet new people all the time. See, I love her and I never made it a secret to her. My mistake was expecting her to love me as much as I loved her. She's very much the analytical type. I know better now, I need to take my time in a new relationship and not overwhelm my partner with too much too soon. I also noticed in the past she felt guilty for not responding to me with the same intensity. It's OK, I don't like it but I understand. If it was meant to be it would work out. I continue to work on myself in the meantime. I can't be responsible for her actions or worry about who she loves or how much she loves me. I am only fully responsible for my actions and how I respond to the situation. That's my choice every time. I'm at a point that I need to see the truth for what it is. I don't want to sugar coated or make excuses for anything or blame her. I only have control over my own life so right now at least I will continue to focus on me. Yes, I miss her but I also miss my old dog who died a few years ago. I don't cry anymore over my old dog but I do still miss him. I have a new dog now, he's awesome and I love him but I still miss my old dog too. I guess I will always have some nostalgic feelings for ex but I hope it will be a fond memory with time and not so painful. I will keep moving forward with life. One foot in front of the other....I will get there!

[reddragon588]

Happy first day of NC.

 

Thanks, struggling right now. Have a sudden strong urge to check her Instagram, with an unfounded sense of panic that she's seeing someone else and there will be a picture of her up with him. But I know that checking won't help, especially if my panic is true.

[Kitchen]

So I'm almost at 2 weeks of NC with my ex-gf after she told me to stop talking to her. She's seeing someone else, but I think it may be a rebound. I know for a fact that she still has feelings for me, based on how she reacted every time I talked about other girls before we cut contact. It's too much to explain now, but please just take my word for it - she still has feelings. Oh and she also cheated on the new guy a few times with me after she started seeing him. I don't know if I can take her back after she already started seeing someone, in fact I don't think I would unless I was desperate.

 

But to help me in my NC phase, it would be nice to think that she's at least thinking of me, or might come back at some point. You guys might say to just forget about her and move on. Well I got the moving on part down: I stopped contacting her, working on myself, and trying to talk to as many as new girls as possible. But I think it would be a confidence boost to be optimistic about what she's thinking right now, or if she'll make contact first. We pretty much broke up right before she started seeing this new guy. And like I said I know for SURE that she has feelings for me. Although I am doing whatever I can to move on, my mind can't help but go crazy just imagining her and him together. So I want this extra confidence of thinking that she is possibly missing me, or possibly going to come back, or whatever. It really is about an ego boost, and it makes moving on so much easier for me. Anyone experienced something like this? What do you say?

[lovesucks76]

So I'm almost at 2 weeks of NC with my ex-gf after she told me to stop talking to her. She's seeing someone else, but I think it may be a rebound. I know for a fact that she still has feelings for me, based on how she reacted every time I talked about other girls before we cut contact. It's too much to explain now, but please just take my word for it - she still has feelings. Oh and she also cheated on the new guy a few times with me after she started seeing him. I don't know if I can take her back after she already started seeing someone, in fact I don't think I would unless I was desperate.

 

But to help me in my NC phase, it would be nice to think that she's at least thinking of me, or might come back at some point. You guys might say to just forget about her and move on. Well I got the moving on part down: I stopped contacting her, working on myself, and trying to talk to as many as new girls as possible. But I think it would be a confidence boost to be optimistic about what she's thinking right now, or if she'll make contact first. We pretty much broke up right before she started seeing this new guy. And like I said I know for SURE that she has feelings for me. Although I am doing whatever I can to move on, my mind can't help but go crazy just imagining her and him together. So I want this extra confidence of thinking that she is possibly missing me, or possibly going to come back, or whatever. It really is about an ego boost, and it makes moving on so much easier for me. Anyone experienced something like this? What do you say?

 

I say, "expect the unexpected, nothings is what it seems". I read that here and it's very true!

 

You will never start the healing process until you stop hoping she will come back to you. I'm sure she has feelings for you. I'm sure she thinks about you too but that doesn't mean she will want to get back together with you. See, after a BU the hardest thing to do is to accept the reality of today but that's what you really need to do. Hoping, dreaming, wishing, wanting is just that! You can only work with real facts not hope. The FACT here is she has another guy at the moment. You ask, what can you do with this piece of information? Well, you can use it as 'fact' and realize that right now she's not looking to get back together with you. Otherwise she wouldn't be dating someone else. That may change or may not change in the future. You just never know. Unfortunately you can't foresee the future so work with what you know today. Today you're a single guy so get out there and do your best not to think about your ex. If it's meant to be it will be. Chasing her will only push her away! I want to text my ex right now but not a chance in hell I will do it. NO way! It will only make me feel worse about myself. Work on yourself first man! Best of luck!

[Kitchen]

I say, "expect the unexpected, nothings is what it seems". I read that here and it's very true!

 

You will never start the healing process until you stop hoping she will come back to you. I'm sure she has feelings for you. I'm sure she thinks about you too but that doesn't mean she will want to get back together with you. See, after a BU the hardest thing to do is to accept the reality of today but that's what you really need to do. Hoping, dreaming, wishing, wanting is just that! You can only work with real facts not hope. The FACT here is she has another guy at the moment. You ask, what can you do with this piece of information? Well, you can use it as 'fact' and realize that right now she's not looking to get back together with you. Otherwise she wouldn't be dating someone else. That may change or may not change in the future. You just never know. Unfortunately you can't foresee the future so work with what you know today. Today you're a single guy so get out there and do your best not to think about your ex. If it's meant to be it will be. Chasing her will only push her away! I want to text my ex right now but not a chance in hell I will do it. NO way! It will only make me feel worse about myself. Work on yourself first man! Best of luck!

 

I really appreciate that you took the time to reply, I really do. But it's obvious that you didn't read my original post where I clearly stated that I'm in NC, that I am not chasing her, that I in fact am working on myself and talking to as many as girls as possible. Yet you are telling me to do just that, and telling me that chasing her will push her away, when I'm not chasing her at all! Furthermore you are saying that I want to get back together with her, which I said that I most likely wouldn't do unless I'm desperate.

 

The fact is that I am in NC, that I am doing the best I can to meet other girls, and to go out with friends, etc. However, it would really help my ego to know that she is not all happy and dandy, and so I was just wondering from others who have experienced this as the dumper or the dumpee, where you break up and the dumper automatically finds someone new even though he/she has feelings for you still.

 

Is it healthy that I am thinking about her? I guess not. But does it help smooth things out for me while I heal knowing that she is not all happy and having great sex, sure. I am just looking for a short confidence boost to help me stay strong in NC.

[lovesucks76]

I really appreciate that you took the time to reply, I really do. But it's obvious that you didn't read my original post where I clearly stated that I'm in NC, that I am not chasing her, that I in fact am working on myself and talking to as many as girls as possible. Yet you are telling me to do just that, and telling me that chasing her will push her away, when I'm not chasing her at all! Furthermore you are saying that I want to get back together with her, which I said that I most likely wouldn't do unless I'm desperate.

 

The fact is that I am in NC, that I am doing the best I can to meet other girls, and to go out with friends, etc. However, it would really help my ego to know that she is not all happy and dandy, and so I was just wondering from others who have experienced this as the dumper or the dumpee, where you break up and the dumper automatically finds someone new even though he/she has feelings for you still.

 

Is it healthy that I am thinking about her? I guess not. But does it help smooth things out for me while I heal knowing that she is not all happy and having great sex, sure. I am just looking for a short confidence boost to help me stay strong in NC.

 

Sorry man if I misunderstood you and good job on the NC. I think it's a process so I understand where you're coming from. You have every right to feel the way you do. From my perspective it's ultimately up to us whether we want to continue feeding the pain and the suffering. I'm kinda sick of if and sick of her. I miss my GF, I really loved her, I can't deny it. BUT my goal is indifference towards her! I do not want to CARE either way anymore. That's just my ideal situation.

[templeofmax]

Everybody's situation my friend. I am on the same boat. I get angry at the way she handled things and her ungratefulness, but deep inside I want her back and it hurts that 4 months on she is silent, making me suffer sooooo freaking much!!!!

[lovesucks76]

Everybody's situation my friend. I am on the same boat. I get angry at the way she handled things and her ungratefulness, but deep inside I want her back and it hurts that 4 months on she is silent, making me suffer sooooo freaking much!!!!

Sorry man. I want mine girl back too. I saw her last night too and that was hard. I posted an update on top of this page . The truth is we really don't know what they're thinking! it sucks! My only protection is to try not to care. Not always works but I will keep trying....

[templeofmax]

Sorry man. I want mine girl back too. I saw her last night too and that was hard. I posted an update on top of this page . The truth is we really don't know what they're thinking! it sucks! My only protection is to try not to care. Not always works but I will keep trying....

 

Tell me the formula, cause even when I am angry I know it is because I care. So many questions about how the breakup happened, and not a way to answer them. Already asked all my friends, family, everybody is freaking tired of hearing the same thing over and over. And guess what, the only person that knows it is not talking. Love does hurt my friend!!!

[lovesucks76]

I don't know the formula, I wish. I still think about her all freaking day long!! It's getting better with each day. I try not to hate her and also try not make her super special either. I just look at it for what it is. It's over now and the only chance I have to get her back is to stay away. So I stay away and avoid the temptation to text her. I know she'd respond but what's the point? So I'm staying away and looking forward to better days.

[mtnbiker3000]

I have found spirituality a big help with letting go of trying to understand. Trying to answer the many questions. In the end, none of it matters. Work on your own growth and keep moving forward. That is the only formula that works. And sooner or later, you will have forgotten all about the pain and suffering you (and I) are currently struggling with. At least that's what I believe...

 

I like Eckhart Tolle and his teaching: The Power of Now. It helps, especially with letting go!!!

Edited August 21, 2013 by mtnbiker3000

[lovesucks76]

I have found spirituality a big help with letting go of trying to understand. Trying to answer the many questions. In the end, none of it matters. Work on your own growth and keep moving forward. That is the only formula that works. And sooner or later, you will have forgotten all about the pain and suffering you (and I) are currently struggling with. At least that's what I believe...

 

I like Eckhart Tolle and his teaching: The Power of Now. It helps, especially with letting go!!!

 

Thanks mtnbiker! That sounds like a cool book. I've read a few articles online about living in the present and staying connected with what's in front of you. We all tend to over worry about things outside our control. Good reminder!

[reddragon588]

Really want to look at her social media profiles and see what she's been up to. But I know that will only bring me pain. Going full NC, including no checking social media, has allowed me to start moving forward in a manner I hadn't before. I can actually forget about her at times, and push forward with my thoughts on my own terms. I've even begun to think in a manner of her and I as separate instead of together or "us". Just moving forward, one day at a time. As hard as NC is I know it is helping me.

 

Also, I hope my continuous posts in here aren't repetitive, but I have found that posting here rather than acting on my urges to contact her or check her media profiles has been very therapeutic and helped "talk me down from the ledge" if you will. I highly recommend doing the same to others.

Edited August 21, 2013 by reddragon588

[lovesucks76]

Good job posting here before you're tempted to reach out to our ex Reddraggon. I do the same. I can say I'm doing a little better on day 17 since the BU. I will always care for her but right now it's all about me and my well being. I want to heal and feel in control again. She's a great girl and I don't blame her. We care for one another but we can not be together at this time because we each have stuff to work on so it's best to chill and give it time. If it's meant to be it will be. What's important to me is to feel at peace right now. If we do get back together I want to make sure we learned from this experience and don't make the same mistakes. There are no guarantees and I'm NOT holding my breath about it. If it works great, if it doesn't well it's alright. I will be further down the road by then and hopefully feeling more balanced.

[templeofmax]

Exactly where I am right now. Just wish I did not have this anxiety four months after. I do have that book..would be a good idea to read it, LOL!

[lovesucks76]

Exactly where I am right now. Just wish I did not have this anxiety four months after. I do have that book..would be a good idea to read it, LOL!

Yeah man, read it. Anything to keep your mind off the situation. You will be better soon. The timeline is different for everyone. I had another minor tear yesterday after going for a run but it's OK, it's part of the healing process. I guess I just miss the good times. I do not miss the bad times or feeling ignored so whenever I start to feel nostalgic I think about the negatives too. It balances things out in my mind and helps me to see for what it is. I also think that I'm helping myself by focusing on ME. I hadn't done that for sometime and probably the reason it didn't work out between us. People are attracted to confidence not cockiness. I've always been very confident but during our relationship I gave her too much of myself too soon. I think she took it for granted and I lost myself in the process. It's refreshing after being consumed with her for the past few months to see the old me coming back. Small steps....keep your chin up and keeping moving forward. By contacting her now you would be moving backwards again and possibly causing more anxiety for yourself. You don't want that! try to focus on you and see where it takes you. I believe you can do it if you give it a chance.

[lalalovekay]

3d time trying No conact.

 

3d day of it too. i know theres no hope of him ever coming back. yet i still wait for his text his call and everything.

 

my mind says to let go but my heart says to keep fighting for him.

i love him and its still driving me crazy.

 

its my birthday in 5 days and when our 7 months was suppose to happen. Thats when i hope he comes back to me.

[reddragon588]

3d time trying No conact.

 

3d day of it too. i know theres no hope of him ever coming back. yet i still wait for his text his call and everything.

 

my mind says to let go but my heart says to keep fighting for him.

i love him and its still driving me crazy.

 

its my birthday in 5 days and when our 7 months was suppose to happen. Thats when i hope he comes back to me.

 

Happy early birthday!

[lalalovekay]

Happy early birthday!

 

Thank you. I hope he says something that day

[reddragon588]

Thank you. I hope he says something that day

 

Don't hold out hope for that! Just go and have the best day ever without him! After all, it's YOUR birthday!

[lalalovekay]

Don't hold out hope for that! Just go and have the best day ever without him! After all, it's YOUR birthday!

 

Thank you! Ill try but it. So hard because that wouldve been our monthaversary. Im going to try hard.

[mtnbiker3000]

Thank you. I hope he says something that day

 

Please release this thought. It is only going to bring you pain and disappointment. Forget about him and plan your entire day. From wake up to pass out. That way you will not have time to dwell...