Jump to content

For all going NC.....

Zomb

By Zomb
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

lovesucks76 Established Member

lovesucks76

Posted
Posted
You are just going to have to ride it out man! Not much you can do about it! IT WILL GET BETTER, I promise you. Take it one day at a time. She will be on your mind, nothing you can do about that. What helped me was spend time with family and trying to get busy, go for runs, watch TV. Follow some serialized shows that you look forward to every week.

 

Thanks again templeofmax! You're 100% correct, we need to take it one day at a time and let TIME do its thing. Feelings will fade, they may not go away completely but they will fade....

 

I used to give people advice about relationships....it was really easy when you're on the outside looking in, right? Now, I try to think logically about my own BU and it's difficult because my emotions get the best of me. Like most people here, I already know the answers...but we always attempt to 'translate' them into something that gives us hope. I see people here saying "he/she just needs time" or " she said she doesn't deserve me" what does that mean??? It means it's OVER people!! If you step outside and look back in , YOU will also see what everybody else sees. It's DONE! It sucks but it's the cold a$$ truth. I try to remember this all day" Every minute I spent thinking about her is a wasted minute". I still think about her constantly but I do try to keep things moving during the day and not think about her. I don't want to punish myself any longer. I'm usually a very confident person but I have never fallen for someone like this before. This is new territory for me. It sucks! I just have to have some dignity and self pride now!

  • Like 1
templeofmax Established Member

templeofmax

Posted
Posted

Talk about dignity. She was always talking about wanting to go Machu Pichu, so I, like an idiot left a picture of us on top of a picture of Machu Pichu on her car window. 1 month after she was in Machu Pichu with her cousins. She must have laughed so hard at my stupidity. I looked like a moron *******!

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted

I think the silliest thing I've done after our break up was send her a dozen roses to her home. I texted later in the afternoon asking her if she liked them among other things, guess what I got in return? you got it! absolutely nothing. At that point, I picked up my pride off the floor and said to myself "never again".

lovesucks76 Established Member

lovesucks76

Posted
Posted

I hear you guys....and you should not beat yourself up for acting like a loving person. At least you're capable of such feeling.

 

Well, I've resisted sending anything to my ex. I DO regret sending a text the following day saying that "I was sorry and that I was under a lot of stress during the past week" What a bunch of bull!! She is the one who should feel sorry and apologize for leading me on and crushing my heart. I was honest the whole relationship. I told her 2 months before BU that I was falling for her and if she didn't feel the same way maybe we would be best go on our separate ways and protect our hearts. She responds with tears in her eyes" I'm falling for you too and regardless of what happens here I will always love you, always!" So not true...she was cold and heartless when we broke up 2 months later! I was too easy and was there whenever she called or texted me. Mistake number 1: Don't be available all the time or answer every call/text. Lesson learned, from now on I will live my life and focus on myself.

 

As always, actions speak louder than words....let's all remember that!!

  • Like 4
templeofmax Established Member

templeofmax

Posted
Posted

I wonder why they think when they get those things!!! Maybe they say 'too late you *******' or they laugh hard at our idiotic expense.

lovesucks76 Established Member

lovesucks76

Posted
Posted

To be honest, I'm reaching the point of being pissed so right now I could care less what she thinks or whether she's laughing at the whole thing. I know who I am and I know what I want. I also know that I'm a very good guy and she was so lucky to have me. I was faithful and truthful the whole time. I don't think she's capable of appreciating that. I asked her during the break up...what changed during the past 2 months?? Since you said you loved so much. She couldn't answer it. Do you know why? Because nothing had changed except she felt more secure about letting me go for whatever reason. She used to be lonely and I think she liked the attention I was giving her. She liked being treated well and being loved. In her last relationship the guy treated her like crap....some women like that, maybe because of low self esteem issues, not sure and really don't care anymore. I want someone who's confident about who they are and what they want.

 

One thing I know for sure, I'm not the problem or the soultiuon to her issues. I'm also free now so it's her loss. I just wish I could forget her. I will, will...it takes time.

  • Like 3
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
I was too easy and was there whenever she called or texted me. Mistake number 1: Don't be available all the time or answer every call/text. Lesson learned, from now on I will live my life and focus on myself.

 

Yeah, I think this did me in too. People want what they can't have or think is a challenge. Remove the challenge and they are no longer interested. The hard thing for me, and others I imagine, is when I fall for someone, I give myself to them. All of myself... Can't do that :(

  • Like 2
templeofmax Established Member

templeofmax

Posted
Posted
Yeah, I think this did me in too. People want what they can't have or think is a challenge. Remove the challenge and they are no longer interested. The hard thing for me, and others I imagine, is when I fall for someone, I give myself to them. All of myself... Can't do that :(

 

Especially when the other one is insecure and doesn't believe you are giving your all.

reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

Posted
Posted

I'm on Day 2 of true no contact (including no checking her social media) and day 16 with no calls/texts/messages. It is tough, probably the toughest thing I've done in years, but I know this is right. Contact, whether direct or through checking social media, will only hurt me more and set back my recovery and ability to move forward.

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
Yeah, I think this did me in too. People want what they can't have or think is a challenge. Remove the challenge and they are no longer interested. The hard thing for me, and others I imagine, is when I fall for someone, I give myself to them. All of myself... Can't do that :(

 

I need to learn this as well. I commit myself to her 110% and utterly neglect me, as if she is all that matters in the relationship disregarding my needs and wants. I am starting to learn this with my past relationship. I was her life coach, therapist, at times financial support, emotional support, always a shoulder she can cry on. And absolutely nothing for me, when I had issues I was essentially on my own. I'm resentful at the fact that when I would seldom express my issues she never had anything constructive to contribute, so I was left alone to deal with them. I have learned such a valuable lesson here.

lovesucks76 Established Member

lovesucks76

Posted
Posted
I need to learn this as well. I commit myself to her 110% and utterly neglect me, as if she is all that matters in the relationship disregarding my needs and wants. I am starting to learn this with my past relationship. I was her life coach, therapist, at times financial support, emotional support, always a shoulder she can cry on. And absolutely nothing for me, when I had issues I was essentially on my own. I'm resentful at the fact that when I would seldom express my issues she never had anything constructive to contribute, so I was left alone to deal with them. I have learned such a valuable lesson here.

 

 

JDPT, you have described my relationship exactly! I went to the doctors a couple days before we broke up because something was not right with my breathing. I do triathlons and compete often so I knew something was wrong. I couldn't catch my breath all of of a sudden and I'm in top shape. I was worried. They took lung X-rays, tests, etc. She never even asked how my appointment went, can you believe it?? I finally mentioned to her since she never asked that they thought I had severe allergies and a deviated septum which is actually great news since the other option would be lung cancer potentially. I then looked back at our relationship and it was all about her, never about me. My problems were mine only, her problems were ours! I always asked her about her dog since he was sick, her family since they were demanding, her job, her new boss, etc..she would never ask me about any specific details of my life. just the standard "how are you? I should have known....hind sight is 20/20.

 

I've learned some valuable lessons here, I guess things happen for a reason after all...Good riddance!!

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
JDPT, you have described my relationship exactly! I went to the doctors a couple days before we broke up because something was not right with my breathing. I do triathlons and compete often so I knew something was wrong. I couldn't catch my breath all of of a sudden and I'm in top shape. I was worried. They took lung X-rays, tests, etc. She never even asked how my appointment went, can you believe it?? I finally mentioned to her since she never asked that they thought I had severe allergies and a deviated septum which is actually great news since the other option would be lung cancer potentially. I then looked back at our relationship and it was all about her, never about me. My problems were mine only, her problems were ours! I always asked her about her dog since he was sick, her family since they were demanding, her job, her new boss, etc..she would never ask me about any specific details of my life. just the standard "how are you? I should have known....hind sight is 20/20.

 

I've learned some valuable lessons here, I guess things happen for a reason after all...Good riddance!!

 

Yeah tell me about it, her whole life was problems. However, what I did wrong was thinking I was the one who was supposed to fix them all for her. Now, not only did I have to deal with my own issues by myself but on top of that I had to solve hers as well. My subconscious kept telling me how miserable I was, yet love sugarcoated it all. In retrospect I was unhappy but I still miss the company. It's true what's said that your partner is supposed to help you grow not bring you down. And what my ex did was bring me down all the way.

templeofmax Established Member

templeofmax

Posted
Posted (edited)

Same here my friends! All about her family, but when it came to mine (my sister is the only one in town) I had to walk on egg shells. Last fight, she stormed out of the car because I was writing a freaking text message to my sister! Talk about low self-esteem. One time her father had a prostate exam (sorry for the over-sharing, LOL) at 7 AM and I overslept and called her at 10! Big mistake!! A few months after I got dizzy when trying to fall asleep and had to go to the hospital (and ear balance thing), so I called her and of course she was asleep. So my sister went with me and stayed there for 2 hours while they injected me medicine. Afterwards, my ex asked, but did not sound too worried. 3 years in a row I went to the prayings for her grandfathers death anniversary (I never met him) and even her grandma was thankful to me, but when my grandpa died 4 months ago, she said 'I am sorry. Stay with your mom and sister cause you respect them unlike me' one day after breaking up with me and hanged up the phone and haven't heard from her since.

 

Why do I contemplate going back to her? Right, because I idealize what we had during the first year of the relationship before her issues drove me insane.

Edited by templeofmax
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted

My turn! My turn! :p

 

My ex always wanted me to asked her probing/open ended questions about her life. Always wanted me to show interest and concern. Made a point to tell me this more than once... And I did. Or at least tried to most of the time. BUT, when I tried to talk about something that didn't interest her, which was most things, she had about a 2 second attention span. Totally uninterested. This made me so friquen mad!!

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
My turn! My turn! :p

 

My ex always wanted me to asked her probing/open ended questions about her life. Always wanted me to show interest and concern. Made a point to tell me this more than once... And I did. Or at least tried to most of the time. BUT, when I tried to talk about something that didn't interest her, which was most things, she had about a 2 second attention span. Totally uninterested. This made me so friquen mad!!

 

Oh I know exactly how that feels and then she would strategically deviate conversation towards something that's more suitable for HER.

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted (edited)

Yup. For me, this even stretched into the bedroom. I had a job to do, which I always did with no complaints. But was I ever taken care of or made to feel special? Hell no!! All about her, all the time.

 

The more I think about it, my entire relationship was basically a "insert dude here" type scenario. I could have been anybody really (or even a robot) and it would have been the same from her. The fact that I was me, a unique individual made no difference. She cared very little if at all... :(

 

Oh well, now it's some other poor slob's problem... What would make me really mad would be if she didn't treat this guy that way. But, I think she is. That's all she knows...

Edited by mtnbiker3000
Angry bird Established Member

Angry bird

Posted
Posted

If I still loved you and wanted it to work out, but was pissed at you...

 

1. I would love the flowers

2. Be happy that you still loved me...but

3. Probably act really cold, because I feel I'm in the "right" and u should be sending me flowers or wanting me back.

 

The attention just fuels their ego. No gifts, no attention...

 

Needing another person is how we are programmed to love. And needing, obsessing, possessing is a recipe for a break up or pushing the object away.

 

Anything you "chase" in life runs away. <<< Law of the Universe

  • Like 4
JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted

With me ex I've learned what it feels like to be used as a rag and trashed. I was like a loyal dog for her I would have done anything for her. Not any ****ing more, she can deal with all her issues by her damn self. She had someone who supported her and then decided to dump me when her life got much better. I guess she no longer had the time to deal with me. Too busy being successful but forgot who helped her get there, so inconsiderate.

lovesucks76 Established Member

lovesucks76

Posted
Posted
With me ex I've learned what it feels like to be used as a rag and trashed. I was like a loyal dog for her I would have done anything for her. Not any ****ing more, she can deal with all her issues by her damn self. She had someone who supported her and then decided to dump me when her life got much better. I guess she no longer had the time to deal with me. Too busy being successful but forgot who helped her get there, so inconsiderate.
Sorry man, I hear you.

 

I think you just expected and wanted to be treated like you treated her. That's fair! Unfortunately it's not the way it goes... Sometimes we need to pull back and see of the other person comes to you first. I noticed towards the end of my relationship it was a one way street with us too. I called her out on it and that basically led to the break up. I wasn't happy with her but I loved her but I also knew it would not last nor could I live like that.

reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

Posted
Posted

Just broke down and checked her Instagram, which I had to go out of my way to do since I unfollowed her. Back to Day 1 tomorrow. That said, I now feel stronger going into Day 1 than I have before. I know that checking her profiles will definitely not make me feel better or relieve anxiety, but rather only cause more.

  • Like 1
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
I noticed towards the end of my relationship it was a one way street with us too. I called her out on it and that basically led to the break up. I wasn't happy with her but I loved her but I also knew it would not last nor could I live like that.

 

Yeah, the end gets rough. They've already checked out and could give a f*ck less about our feelings. Hurts to have someone you love treat you this way...

  • Like 2
lovesucks76 Established Member

lovesucks76

Posted
Posted
Yeah, the end gets rough. They've already checked out and could give a f*ck less about our feelings. Hurts to have someone you love treat you this way...

 

It really sucks but it's better to know sooner than later, right? I can't wait for this part of my life to be over. I hate thinking about her. I really want to move on but to be honest my heart is fuc%ed up. Maybe I need to stew and re-live every single freaking moment we were together in my head again and again before I can find peace.

  • Like 1
mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
Posted
It really sucks but it's better to know sooner than later, right? I can't wait for this part of my life to be over. I hate thinking about her. I really want to move on but to be honest my heart is fuc%ed up. Maybe I need to stew and re-live every single freaking moment we were together in my head again and again before I can find peace.

 

Hahahahaha! Well after 5 months, I know it sure feels that way sometimes for me too!! :laugh:

  • Like 1
JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
Sorry man, I hear you.

 

I think you just expected and wanted to be treated like you treated her. That's fair! Unfortunately it's not the way it goes... Sometimes we need to pull back and see of the other person comes to you first. I noticed towards the end of my relationship it was a one way street with us too. I called her out on it and that basically led to the break up. I wasn't happy with her but I loved her but I also knew it would not last nor could I live like that.

 

 

We expect the same in return because we give so much of ourselves. And now I'm realizing that that's unhealthy but then if we don't we are labeled as heartless and inconsiderate. I treated her like I wanted to be treated and most of the time never got it in return. I remember always when she would call me it was about a problem she had, never a "hey how are you?" Or "how is your day going?" It was always "I need this, what am I going to do about this" she would never nag but project it in a very subtle manner. But like you said I still loved her to death and was willing to subscribe to any type of grief just to have her. She really worked a number on me specially with the way she let me go, so cold from the start. I can only take this as a learning experience and make healthier decisions down the line.

  • Like 1
JDPT Established Member

JDPT

Posted
Posted
Just broke down and checked her Instagram, which I had to go out of my way to do since I unfollowed her. Back to Day 1 tomorrow. That said, I now feel stronger going into Day 1 than I have before. I know that checking her profiles will definitely not make me feel better or relieve anxiety, but rather only cause more.

 

Happy first day of NC.

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...