Zomb Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 We all know how important is to do NC for at least 60d to recover from a breakup.. But we also know how hard its complete the task.. So I decided to start this threat so all we are going through the same situation, can vent our anxiety and feelings and give each other support during this recovering process... My 9ys XGF broke up with me 3 months ago... During the last 3 months we have talked almost every week, so I was hoping for reconciliation every day of this last 3 months... Recently I found out she was having an EA, so I request her to choose between me and the OG... She said she was no sure what to do, so I started NC 5 days ago... This NC Sh*** is really killing me... Every hour I feel the urge of calling her...
leigh186 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 i hear ya. i'm on day 10. my grandma passed away a few days ago, and he'd be the one i'd turn to the most. it's hard, but you have to have faith that it's worth it.
Author Zomb Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 i hear ya. i'm on day 10. my grandma passed away a few days ago, and he'd be the one i'd turn to the most. it's hard, but you have to have faith that it's worth it. I am sorry to hear that.. Definitely a difficult event during a breakup... Try not to stay alone... Share all the time you can among friends and family... The only medicine during this process.. You have our support... Post here any time you want to vent....
leigh186 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 thanks, i appreciate it. i know a lot of us are all in the same boat. my friends and family have been so supportive and amazing. you really learn who's truly there for you in times like these. 1
Angry bird Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 My story my garner no sympathy. But here goes... I am a few days shy of 30 day NC. The person who bk-up w/me was my AP. I didn't intend on falling in love, see my husband and I haven't been intimate in 3 yrs. I started an exchange with this guy on FB, who always had a massive crush on me. Long story short, I started to love/need the attention he was giving me, and feelings of love grew from the constant contact. We were only seeing each other 6 months, I told him, I was going to leave my husband and be with him. And I really wanted to, but I had to save money. In the meantime he still wants to sleep around,because he's in another state. I was open to the idea. Anyhow, I started to get jealous of his other women, and said I changed my mind, I don't want him to sleep around while I was trying to part ways with my husband. So, in a fit of anger, I kinda told him off, and he stopped speaking to me. I know I am wrong for the affair, but I truly loved this AP and wanted him soooo bad. Now, however, I see he probably never wanted a real relationship with me just a weird decade infatuation (the proverbial want what you can't have). I begged him only once, then stopped contact since July 19th. So, I'm doing pretty good. I'm reading a lot of spiritual books, which are a God sent ;-)
newmoon Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 yep, it's VERY hard. and it's just like the books/videos/tapes/people say - you feel horrible and low and worthless after you initiate contact and get rejected. then you want to take it back. you do lose self-respect - I know I have. I never realized i liked rejection so much! but, I keep getting it and keep trying. and then I start NC again. my ex and I work together, so impossible to avoid him altogether. it's been 7 weeks NC physical/personal, but every day seeing him. please cross your fingers for me - I have an interview to transfer away from him next week and I know my life will be MUCH better not seeing him each day
newmoon Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 thanks, i appreciate it. i know a lot of us are all in the same boat. my friends and family have been so supportive and amazing. you really learn who's truly there for you in times like these. agreed. my true friends have shown up and others.. well, I know who is a friend now. sadly my mom is turning on me - she is a very strong woman and sees me as weak for not getting over this guy fast enough. it was 3 years of my life and i'm supposed to be better in a few days?! can't even talk to mom much anymore about it :-( thank god for girlfriends and LS of course!
leigh186 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 good luck, newmoon. i'm sorry to hear that your mom isn't supportive. it's hard when the people you typically rely on aren't siding with you. maybe she's never had to go through something like this. and i can't imagine having to see the ex every day--that must be torture. stay strong, my friends.
kindofsad Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I'm on day 5 of proper NC. It is hard not to think of her, what she is doing, I know she has fallen in love with someone else and I am finding that difficult to deal with. I do feel empowered by going NC, especially unfriending her on facebook, that was a hurdle for me. Now I also don't check my phone half as much for messages! I am hoping that everyday just gets easier and easier.
OverThinker72 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 NC is the best way to move forward, yeah it's hard but easier than getting rejected over and over again. I'm coming up to 5 weeks NC and the bad days have lessened. The day he sent the text ending it, I went straight into NC. My reply to his text was 'Ok' and that's the last we've ever had contact. NC is for YOU not for them. There will be extremely bad days unfortunately but it can't get any worse. We will all heal eventually. Keep strong and have faith in yourselves. Hugs from London x 3
singme2sleep Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I'm almost 5 months NC and we broke up in January. It does get easier, believe me. In the beginning I had to fight the urges to call him/text him and I stupidly gave in once it twice, which only hurt me more. For all of you in the early stages of no-contact, just take it day by day and stay strong!
iouaname Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I was solid no contact for this past month and then I broke it, and I definitely regret it. I think this time, hearing he is seeing someone new, is enough for me to truly put it behind me. So I guess I'll have to start all over again, but oh well, my own fault...
flitzanu Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 We all know how important is to do NC for at least 60d to recover from a breakup.. But we also know how hard its complete the task.. So I decided to start this threat so all we are going through the same situation, can vent our anxiety and feelings and give each other support during this recovering process... My 9ys XGF broke up with me 3 months ago... During the last 3 months we have talked almost every week, so I was hoping for reconciliation every day of this last 3 months... Recently I found out she was having an EA, so I request her to choose between me and the OG... She said she was no sure what to do, so I started NC 5 days ago... This NC Sh*** is really killing me... Every hour I feel the urge of calling her... 60 days? i don't think you should set a minimum. you should set it as "never".
JDPT Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I'm on day 24 and I'll be honest and say that I have my moments and in the past I usually acted on impulse and contacted getting absolutely nothing from her in return, now I think she has this NC thing down pat. I sit here as I type this and have absolutely no desire to contact her. But then again I'm not sure how I'll feel ten minutes from now, I just need to be strong.
lovesucks76 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I fight the strong urge to call/text her every single freaking day for the past 2 weeks... I feel like an addict or something, I almost sent her a picture text of a place we used to go to that recently changed names but I resisted.....it was so hard. I think about her all the time. I'm beginning to realize that she's not responsible for me feeling like this...I am! I need to make her human again. Since the break up I have put her on a pedestal. She was not as perfect as I'm making her out to be. I miss her, yes but she was not perfect. Actually the truth is we were NOT perfect together. In my mind...I HOPED we could be great together but it takes 2 to tango! It takes sacrifice and true love to make things work from both sides.
templeofmax Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I fight the strong urge to call/text her every single freaking day for the past 2 weeks... I feel like an addict or something, I almost sent her a picture text of a place we used to go to that recently changed names but I resisted.....it was so hard. I think about her all the time. I'm beginning to realize that she's not responsible for me feeling like this...I am! I need to make her human again. Since the break up I have put her on a pedestal. She was not as perfect as I'm making her out to be. I miss her, yes but she was not perfect. Actually the truth is we were NOT perfect together. In my mind...I HOPED we could be great together but it takes 2 to tango! It takes sacrifice and true love to make things work from both sides. Sadly, my case too!!! While I have been heartbroken for 4 months, she has been traveling through South America, having meetings at her place with friends and probably talking **** about me with her family and making **** up since she has low self-esteem and assumes crap. Our pics are still up though. My mom has her on FB so she tells me, but I need to stop asking. Maybe she is taking me for granted knowing I will be here like an idiot. I have gone 60 days NC TODAY, but still miss her and are zoo angry at her show of 'Hey, I am in a pedestal cause I am using him to rise up my self-esteem'. This is the worst feeling in the world. I have been soo anxious. The worst part (depression) is over so the only way is up, right?
lovesucks76 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 I think you're in the right path man. 60 days NC is a long time. Good job! It has been 2 weeks for me and it hurts like hell still. I've never loved anyone like her before. SAD! Now, I just want her out of my mind. I know I still want her back but I also know it won't happen EVER. So I need to move on and I need her to leave my head. I just wish there was a switch! I can't take the pain, it sucks! 2
templeofmax Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Hey man, You will get there. She will probably be on your mind after 60 days too, but it gets better. I was there where you are, dreaming of her, not being able to sleep, dropped 20 lbs. But it does get better, little by little. Hang in there. I know the pain, the constant thoughts, the meditation about the same **** over and over, but it WILL get better. 2
amtz Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 For me NC has never been an issue till TODAY! She called it off because she saw some FB messages with a buddy of mine fooling around (ex.some random chick from the gym is hot) she assumed that I was getting laid with someone else and said good bye! I'm not going into detail but the past month was a living hell for both of us. So I assume she only used an excuse to call it off. My emotions are wrecked! Sleep is not a problem DREAMING IS A TOTAL DIFFERENT STORY. I'm a hard believer of NC but you see, today is her birthday. I wasn't invited to her b-day dinner but now I'm stuck with a high end Bond no. 9 perfume... To be honest I'm so damn hurt I don't want to see her or know about her since I know she has someone else but inside of me I want to give her this present. There is no way I'm going to drop it off personally I was thinking more of dropping it of at her BF house. At this point any word of advice would be awesome we were together my past birthday and she did give me a nice watch. I feel that I owe it to her as a sing of respect that she gave me a present, but I don't want to make a fool out of me as I KNOW ITS OVER. Family members and close friends that think if I do send her the gift I will sky rocket her ego and would made look like sloopy second. Thanks! Stay strong
templeofmax Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 For me NC has never been an issue till TODAY! She called it off because she saw some FB messages with a buddy of mine fooling around (ex.some random chick from the gym is hot) she assumed that I was getting laid with someone else and said good bye! I'm not going into detail but the past month was a living hell for both of us. So I assume she only used an excuse to call it off. My emotions are wrecked! Sleep is not a problem DREAMING IS A TOTAL DIFFERENT STORY. I'm a hard believer of NC but you see, today is her birthday. I wasn't invited to her b-day dinner but now I'm stuck with a high end Bond no. 9 perfume... To be honest I'm so damn hurt I don't want to see her or know about her since I know she has someone else but inside of me I want to give her this present. There is no way I'm going to drop it off personally I was thinking more of dropping it of at her BF house. At this point any word of advice would be awesome we were together my past birthday and she did give me a nice watch. I feel that I owe it to her as a sing of respect that she gave me a present, but I don't want to make a fool out of me as I KNOW ITS OVER. Family members and close friends that think if I do send her the gift I will sky rocket her ego and would made look like sloopy second. Thanks! Stay strong Don't!!! give the perfume to your mom, sister, cousin, that girl from the gym, but NOT to her. Mine also gave me a gift and for her birthday I was going to go with her to buy something she wanted after. 9 days after her bday she broke up with me. I thought giving her a gift, but she would throw it to my face. If you know it is over and she broke it off because of that, don't do it. 1
lovesucks76 Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Hey man, You will get there. She will probably be on your mind after 60 days too, but it gets better. I was there where you are, dreaming of her, not being able to sleep, dropped 20 lbs. But it does get better, little by little. Hang in there. I know the pain, the constant thoughts, the meditation about the same **** over and over, but it WILL get better. Oh man, You do know! I wish I was at 60 days NC. I also lost some weight. At the moment, It sucks balls to be where I am! I can't sleep for $hit these days. She's the first and last thought on my mind every single day. I HATE that. I wish I could control it and purge her out of my mind. She doesn't deserve me being like this. I need to man up but it's hard. I still dream and run crazy scenarios in my head knowing all along that it's over but I can't help it. Falling in love can be the most amazing and the most dreadful feeling too. Is it really worth it?
templeofmax Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 Oh man, You do know! I wish I was at 60 days NC. I also lost some weight. At the moment, It sucks balls to be where I am! I can't sleep for $hit these days. She's the first and last thought on my mind every single day. I HATE that. I wish I could control it and purge her out of my mind. She doesn't deserve me being like this. I need to man up but it's hard. I still dream and run crazy scenarios in my head knowing all along that it's over but I can't help it. Falling in love can be the most amazing and the most dreadful feeling too. Is it really worth it? Its worth it with the right person. However, life teaches us many lessons and you will see this as a big lesson in terms of what you need to change yourself and what you are REALLY looking for in a partner. I still think about my ex all the time. HOWEVER, the thoughts are mostly in the background, but when I was where you are they got stuck there, memories, conflict, etc. I had guilt about what I did, anger about what she did, I cried, etc. I do suffer from a bit of OCD so I tend to obsess with anxious thoughts, but for me, sertraline has helped, but I am guessing for you time will be the healer and I guarantee in a couple of months she will be there, but not so constant. You take one week at a time, so don´t think of the big picture just yet in terms of NC. Time will move a bit faster as well, especially if you are busy with work, gym, etc. I wasn´t, so for me it was eternal because of that as well. This is what means to grow up. To feel pain like this over heartbreak is a lesson. The hard part will be over and the only way from now on is up and you will be much stronger for it.
Dazzee Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 All I think about every second of everyday is her. All I feel is a sinking hole in my chest constantly. I really can't do this for 60 days. I am only on day 3... I'm dying here.
templeofmax Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 All I think about every second of everyday is her. All I feel is a sinking hole in my chest constantly. I really can't do this for 60 days. I am only on day 3... I'm dying here. You are just going to have to ride it out man! Not much you can do about it! IT WILL GET BETTER, I promise you. Take it one day at a time. She will be on your mind, nothing you can do about that. What helped me was spend time with family and trying to get busy, go for runs, watch TV. Follow some serialized shows that you look forward to every week. 1
JDPT Posted August 19, 2013 Posted August 19, 2013 All I think about every second of everyday is her. All I feel is a sinking hole in my chest constantly. I really can't do this for 60 days. I am only on day 3... I'm dying here. Hang in there man, we are all here on the same boat. You will gradually start to feel somewhat ok, and will gain some of your sanity back. Joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain. Don't be so hard on yourself, time will heal. 1
Recommended Posts