KungFuJoe Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Ok...obviously, I'm long married and my dating days are WAAAAY back, but this situation happened to me during my dating days and I just wondered what people would think... To paint the picture, this was a girl that I was having sex with, but we were not exclusive, just seeing each other. It was just never discussed as to WHAT we were, in the beginning...it just "happened". We had known each other for a long time but we were not "friends" and we didn't run in the same circles or really hang out much over the previous years. Anyways...after a week or two of us dating, my car broke down and I needed a vehicle for the next day. So I called her up and asked if I could borrow her car. She initially said yes, and that was that. Hours later, she called me and said that she had a change of heart...that she didn't think she knew me well enough to let me borrow her car. She was nice about it and I could kinda see where she was coming from and I said that's fine and left it at that, but I remember, after hanging up, that I was pretty upset. I remember thinking that it was kind of silly that she knew me well enough to be having sex with me and spend the night at my place but not to let me borrow her car? Also, I think it was a friend or someone who told her not to let me borrow her car and I think part of my being upset was over the fact that she let someone sway her mind. Plus, I'm like the most trustworthy person there is...but of course, she couldn't have known that at the time. Anyways...it wasn't a big deal and it was never mentioned again and there were no hard feelings...but I just wonder if I had any reason to be upset or was I completely over reacting? Was it even wrong of me to ASK? I could have asked some of my friends, but for some reason, I just thought to ask her. Link to post Share on other sites
white Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Absolutely no way. Nobody drives my car except me. Not my family, not my best friends, definitely not a date, nor an invested partner. If they ****ed it up I would never forgive myself. I don't ever expect to drive anyone elses either, if I ****ed theirs up I'd never forgive myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 You don't have the right to be upset. Comparing the fact that she had sex with you but didn't want you to drive her car are two very different things. Some people view sex casually and therefore don't mind doing it with someone they don't know well but are attracted to. A vehicle usually involves someone spending a lot of their money on. If you were to get into an accident, that's her insurance that goes up. She is liable and she didn't know you enough/trust you enough to feel that if something were to go wrong, that you'd cover it. I think she has the right to deny you of that. I'm curious as to why a married guy that hasn't been dating for awhile is thinking about this still. Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Bigcitydreamer Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Yes. I would 100% let someone I'm dating borrow my car. Link to post Share on other sites
rocksteady85 Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 I drive a Mustang. My lady friend drives a Lexus SUV. I wouldn't let her drive my car unless it was like, I'm too drunk to drive home and we took my car. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 I am sure my man would have. His car pretty much became mine as soon as we were official. I would let someone I am dating do it, then again, I used my car a LOT so I may not if I felt I wanted to use it. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 I've let family members drive my car sometimes. But I wouldn't let someone I was dating do that unless it was some kind of emergency or it was really far into the relationship. My car is too precious. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Ok...obviously, I'm long married and my dating days are WAAAAY back, but this situation happened to me during my dating days and I just wondered what people would think... To paint the picture, this was a girl that I was having sex with, but we were not exclusive, just seeing each other. It was just never discussed as to WHAT we were, in the beginning...it just "happened". We had known each other for a long time but we were not "friends" and we didn't run in the same circles or really hang out much over the previous years. Anyways...after a week or two of us dating, my car broke down and I needed a vehicle for the next day. So I called her up and asked if I could borrow her car. She initially said yes, and that was that. Hours later, she called me and said that she had a change of heart...that she didn't think she knew me well enough to let me borrow her car. She was nice about it and I could kinda see where she was coming from and I said that's fine and left it at that, but I remember, after hanging up, that I was pretty upset. I remember thinking that it was kind of silly that she knew me well enough to be having sex with me and spend the night at my place but not to let me borrow her car? Also, I think it was a friend or someone who told her not to let me borrow her car and I think part of my being upset was over the fact that she let someone sway her mind. Plus, I'm like the most trustworthy person there is...but of course, she couldn't have known that at the time. Anyways...it wasn't a big deal and it was never mentioned again and there were no hard feelings...but I just wonder if I had any reason to be upset or was I completely over reacting? Was it even wrong of me to ASK? I could have asked some of my friends, but for some reason, I just thought to ask her. I wouldn't have let you borrow my car either. Sure, there's plenty of irony in the fact you two were having sex but didn't really know one another but it happens all the time. You said you weren't friends, you weren't dating either just doing the deed. That's not basis to trust someone with your car or your ovaries but the decision was made at any rate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 (edited) At a week or 2, not exclusive? Uh.. no. I really don't think it's a great idea to let people whom you've only known for a week or two, borrow your car. Especially when they aren't on your car's insurance policy. You can really get screwed over pretty badly. IMO she did the sensible thing. I don't think you have to be married either to share cars etc, but there's a pretty big spectrum between non-exclusive casual dating and marriage. I'd probably be happy to share after, say, a few months of exclusivity, or if we'd been close friends for a long time prior to dating. I don't think you were wrong to ask, but I would definitely have said no in her place. And I don't think it was justifiable for you to be upset from her declining. Edited August 16, 2013 by Elswyth 2 Link to post Share on other sites
New User Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Meh. My current car? Sure, although I love it (mainly because it's paid for) it's strictly utilitarian. I've had it ten years now, and it's already got all the dings and scratches- one or two more won't matter much. It's insured if anything really bad happens. My motorcycle? Hell. No. Nobody will ride that but me. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Absolutely not, and I would never ask to borrow hers. I may only drivea 14 year old honda, but its my only way to get to work. Without my job I lose my apartment . If that's going to happen (worst case scenario) its going to happen because I was responsible for it . Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Whoops last part cut off. You weren't wrong though for asking. Some people would do it... I have a brand new car and I let my SO drive it. I've also let my family members drive it too. My SO let me drive his car too and his is a nice brand sports car (much nicer than mine). It's probably because we're getting married and anything that happens to it, is on me too. But I wouldn't let someone I wasn't exclusive with drive my car. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Depending on the situation and depending on how serious we were. I guess now that I think of it, there was the odd time I let my wife (when she was my girlfriend) take the truck to the store. Or if she was staying over I'd let her drive it to work. I never thought much of it. But then again we were pretty exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 I've let men I'm dating drive my car, generally with me in it. I might let someone have my car for the day if I were working. He'd have to make more money than I do to be able to pay for repairs or a new car if he damaged it. Besides, you can get extra insurance for another driver and/or he can change his insurance policy to cover him driving another car (I think). Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Only if I know him extremely well and only if he's proven to me that he's an excellent driver. A casual acquaintance with only two weeks of dating history isn't long enough time for me to trust anyone with my babies. But then, I don't bang in two weeks either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 The only time I let a guy drive my car was with Skiman, and that was after over a year into the relationship and countless hours observing his driving skills. I'd never let a guy I was just dating and not exclusive with drive my car after a mere two weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 (edited) I own a bunch of cars and everything I own has a stick in it...Pretty much any woman I have ever been with cant drive it so they dont ask....Plus, not too many women want to drive a big ,loud, black 4wd diesel pickup..(Although a surprising amount of women seem to LOVE this truck..*shrug*)...Ive never had a reason to borrow anyones cars as I have more than I need....so? I have loaned buddies my stuff, and everytime I do, it winds up coming back with some minor damage it never had before or is filthy dirty. One of my friends smoked in my truck and I got really pissed..Just dont do that! Ill lend anyone anything, but treat it the way I do..Thats all I ask! Women/people have no problem lending me their stuff, probably because they know I wont abuse it. It helps when you own a body shop!! TFY Edited August 16, 2013 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Besides, you can get extra insurance for another driver Sure you can, as long as you declare WHO the extra driver is. I'm on the bf's insurance policy for his car. But who the hell does that for a casual dating partner whom they've only known for 1-2 weeks? You'd be changing drivers on your policy 5 times a month at that rate... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KungFuJoe Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 I guess the easiest way for me to explain how I felt was a bit "hurt" that she didn't think I was trustworthy. Maybe hurt isn't the word. Butthurt? I had very strong feelings for her right from the getgo and I think I probably just felt a little too "privileged" or something like that just because we were intimate. I think, were the situation reversed, I would have let her borrow my car. I'm pretty generous with my stuff. I once let a girl I was dating borrow my car for an entire week while hers was in the shop. And my car was my baby at the time ('95 Acura Integra GS-R) She filled it up and had it washed before returning it, which I greatly appreciated. But yeah...I can definitely understand her not wanting to let me use her car and it seems most people here wouldn't. It was definitely presumptuous of me to expect that she would. But that was me back then. Pretty damn clueless. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 No way man, that's a highly inappropriate question in my book to ask someone you are just dating...it's one thing if they offered it but to outright ask someone about it I think it's too much. When I was a teenager, I used to visit a girl I was dating and I ended up having some car trouble...It was an old car and all the tricks I used to do to make it run again weren't working out so I was trying to figure out what to do and where to send it to get it repaired and her mom just offered me one of her vehicles to use to get to and from work and whatever else, just to borrow. I had not been dating this girl long and it was I was a bit blown away by that gesture...I thought it was a big deal even then to let someone borrow your vehicle with the liability and all, but I borrowed it for a two weeks or so and brought it back in one piece. But her family were incredibly generous as people. I would let a girlfriend borrow the car, be very apprehensive about the truck as it's just too big and a lot of weight if you make a mistake (but safer) and never the motorcycle. I've driven other peoples vehicles that I've dated were with them in it but definitely didn't borrow it (that I can remember) It would have been for something quick if I was using it alone...like a grocery store run or what not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Ok...obviously, I'm long married and my dating days are WAAAAY back, but this situation happened to me during my dating days and I just wondered what people would think... To paint the picture, this was a girl that I was having sex with, but we were not exclusive, just seeing each other. It was just never discussed as to WHAT we were, in the beginning...it just "happened". We had known each other for a long time but we were not "friends" and we didn't run in the same circles or really hang out much over the previous years. Anyways...after a week or two of us dating, my car broke down and I needed a vehicle for the next day. So I called her up and asked if I could borrow her car. She initially said yes, and that was that. Hours later, she called me and said that she had a change of heart...that she didn't think she knew me well enough to let me borrow her car. She was nice about it and I could kinda see where she was coming from and I said that's fine and left it at that, but I remember, after hanging up, that I was pretty upset. I remember thinking that it was kind of silly that she knew me well enough to be having sex with me and spend the night at my place but not to let me borrow her car? Also, I think it was a friend or someone who told her not to let me borrow her car and I think part of my being upset was over the fact that she let someone sway her mind. Plus, I'm like the most trustworthy person there is...but of course, she couldn't have known that at the time. Anyways...it wasn't a big deal and it was never mentioned again and there were no hard feelings...but I just wonder if I had any reason to be upset or was I completely over reacting? Was it even wrong of me to ASK? I could have asked some of my friends, but for some reason, I just thought to ask her. My dad used to say [from his grandpa], the car keys, the house keys, and the wife are never to be loaned. I think she did the right thing, and i think you should have asked your friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 On the other hand, if this was a serious long term relationship, i would definitely let her borrow the car. Probably not the PC, and definitely not my external HDD [i got porn there]. Some priorities, huh ? Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Sure you can, as long as you declare WHO the extra driver is. I'm on the bf's insurance policy for his car. But who the hell does that for a casual dating partner whom they've only known for 1-2 weeks? You'd be changing drivers on your policy 5 times a month at that rate... It depends on where you live though. In Portugal, the insurance is on THE CAR, not the driver. If the car is insured ANYONE can drive it. So you don't need to worry about any of that. So yes, I have borrowed people's cars and they mine. One of my exes and I used to share his car. We didn't live together or anything, but I had more need of it than he did, so he let me have the car when he didn't need it. (I didn't have a car at the time) He also drove my mom's car often, when his was in the shop for whatever reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 It depends on where you live though. In Portugal, the insurance is on THE CAR, not the driver. If the car is insured ANYONE can drive it. So you don't need to worry about any of that. So yes, I have borrowed people's cars and they mine. One of my exes and I used to share his car. We didn't live together or anything, but I had more need of it than he did, so he let me have the car when he didn't need it. (I didn't have a car at the time) He also drove my mom's car often, when his was in the shop for whatever reason. Oh, interesting. That means someone with history of risky driving and accidents will pay the same premium as someone who has a clean history, as long as they have the same type of car? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 On the other hand, if this was a serious long term relationship, i would definitely let her borrow the car. Probably not the PC, and definitely not my external HDD [i got porn there]. Some priorities, huh ? Ain't nothing wrong with sharing a little porn... The bf and I both store our porn on the same external HDD. Different folders though, I don't like his sort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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