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IS he cheating again? What do u make of this...


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Posted

[color=black][/color]Hi. I am new to this and hope to get something out of this. I am married X 7 years and 34 years old. My husband and I have a 6 year old son.

 

Background: It has been 4 years since he had an affair. The affair he had lasted over 6 months before I found out. After much counsel and healing we survived it and actually were more connected in our marriage. It was as though we could communicate on anything. The affair was not brought up in disagreements and I buried it from our relationship. I realized if I was willing to forgive him I had to 100% not relive it on every disagreement we may have.

 

PRESENT: This is where the question/advise is needed. Four months ago I had a female call and leave a message on the phone(home) for him saying "HI CUTIE".... call me if you have time tonight... As it ended she had thought she was calling his cellular phone and dialed the home instead. This was a blast from the past for me and really set me back in time. He said that she was a friend from work she calls everyone "cutie" blah blah... I didnt believe him. It totally sucked because our marriage seemed so good and healthy. I have a demanding job that I work at times 15 hours per day (many days).... Due to this I opted not to visit the subject and let it go..... It was in the back of my mind however I gave him the benefit of the doubt and pushed on. Now yesterday I go to his work to say hi (he is an instructor) He is not in his cubbey so I'm waiting for him to get out of class. His cell phone rings.... I look its her number... Oh I forgot, part of the stipulation with the last calls to her was if she was his friend, she would be my friend too --- He said he would never talk to her again.... Anyway I call the number back from his cell and she answers in a sexy Hello, hello, hello.... When I confront him he is like "Yes she is my friend we still talk but its nothing... She is having problems and I need adult conversation etc.... Just friends...

 

Well, now I totally dont believe it (too many lies)... Why hide a friend? I have many male friends, I don't hide them... So I print the cellular phone bill... Check this out... average of 5 calls per day as early as (5:30 AM and as late as midnight) every day... In one month 81 text messages?

 

I'm asking, whats up? Would a male friend communicate this much with a female friend if they were platonic? I'm asking because I have male friends and no way would I talk to them that much???? Who knows if its because of the lies or hiding her or what but now he is acting like I'm crazy and its all in my head... I dont want to be with a man that I cant trust but I do love him very much...

 

One big thing I asked him was.... I am your best girlfriend and he said YES.... Then I said, you only call me 2 a day and never text me?

 

Thanks for the advice, its greatly appreciated....

Posted

Obviously your long working hours are leaving behind a big gap in the realationship berween you and your husband. He is filling that gap with her through either an emotional or real physical affair. He had never come out of it as you did not completely forget and forgive. An affair is going on. What kind? We simply cannot tell. Time will soon show it to you.

Posted
Would a male friend communicate this much with a female friend if they were platonic?

No. Of course not. We all know that.

 

Who knows if its because of the lies or hiding her or what but now he is acting like I'm crazy and its all in my head...

Typical cheater behavior.

 

I dont want to be with a man that I cant trust but I do love him very much...

How painful that must be. It's so hard to know the right course of action. You already forgave him once. (Contrary to what sami said, I see no reason to believe that your forgiveness was not total.) That must have taken a lot of love and strength. You might be able to forgive him this time, and maybe even a few more times, but this will continue to erode your trust and with it, your love and/or your desire to be with him. The cheating is bad enough, but him calling you "crazy" for thinking the obvious is quite offensive. Over time, it will make you feel like you're crazy.

 

Some women in this situation just close their eyes. That is one choice. Another choice is letting him know that you know he's cheating (politely), and asking him if he wants to give it up, or divorce.

Posted

What!? He needs Adult conversation?! Ugh!

 

You know it's bad enough that he's doing this.. but I think him trying to make you feel that you've lost your mind to cover his a** is even worse!

 

This isn't a matter of you being his best Girlfriend.. you are his WIFE and partner and should expect to be treated as such...

 

When you told him that if this other woman was only a friend then you wanted to be friends with her as well and he then said that no, he would just stop talking to her :confused: what?! If she was only a friend the way he has insisted then introducing the two of you would've been no big deal.. and telling her straight up that calling him and addressing him by anything other than the name his Mom gave him wasn't okay.

 

I would sit his butt down and tell him you KNOW he isn't doing the right things and you know he isn't being honest.. Obviously asking him IF this is going on is pointless because he continues to lie. Let him know (if it's still how you feel) that you don't want to end the marriage, but that there isn't any possibility you're going to go sit on the sideline with your eyes closed and allow him to lie and cheat on you.

 

Good Luck

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