sghffdmc Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Hello all, So here's the deal: My girlfriend's parents are going through a pretty nasty divorce. Both of her parents are acting wildly inappropriate, as they each insist on trying to pit her against one another on a daily basis. Her mom has even gone to the extent of telling her that she wants her to "just hate her dad". Her dad is better, but not by much. He has stooped to immature levels lately as well and is beginning to try to get her to take his side more and more. And the whole thing is absolutely tearing my poor girlfriend apart. Like me, she has a huge heart. Even though she knows her parents are wrong in involving her, she feels the responsibility to make them happy and put up with it. She feels as though it's her responsibility to be each of her parents worlds. She fears that her mom may do something to hurt herself, because her mom will say she will in the heat of the moment to guilt trip her or her dad. And the biggest issue is, we are recent college grads living at home, I at my house and she at hers, so she's in the middle of it every day. The entire situation has always frustrated me, as her parents' behavior is clearly wrong. The more the whole thing has escalated, the more angry I get mostly because I see what it's doing to my girlfriend, who I consider the love of my life and plan on proposing to as soon as I can afford it. She wakes up in the middle of the night with palpitations. Her chest always hurts. She's depressed. Some nights, she doesn't even sleep. And to make it worse, it's starting to influence our relationship. Her patience grows thinner by the day everywhere in her life, with me included. She's not happy and she has snapped on me more than she ever has during our relationship over the past few months. Our biggest desire right now is to move out and get a place of our own, but we just can't right now. We are both having a hard time finding jobs. I'm currently working part-time, but it's nowhere near enough to support us, let alone myself. What do I do? I've repeatedly tried to tell her to just move in with me at my dad's house, if even only for a week or two to send a message to her parents. She doesn't want to because she feels bad being away without a real job or purpose and she doesn't want to upset either of her parents. The only real solution is to get away by moving into our own place somewhere else, but of course that can only be achieved once we find jobs. And even once we do accomplish that, I don't think she realizes she's still just a phone call away for either of them. I'm really struggling with this for many reasons. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
TheGuard13 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 She won't do something to get out of a potentially abusive, destructive situation because she doesn't want to upset either of her parents. Therein lies the problem. She's still attached to her parents. This kind of thing happens a lot. But she's experiencing serious anxiety, depression, likely because of the stress of all this, and odds are she has some seriously conflicting emotions and isn't quite sure how to feel. She needs to find an outlet for all this stress and figure out what to do for herself. Ideally this means seeing a counselor or therapist, either at school or elsewhere. If they're going through a nasty divorce, odds are this girl grew up in a bad environment for relationships. That could be an issue longterm for the two of you. You can be patient with her to a point, but you will need to put your foot down about her taking out her issues on you. That is not appropriate. And if she cannot control her behavior, it may be time to consider breaking up or taking some time apart, as she may not have the energy to deal with the stress of this situation and the stress of your relationship in a healthy manner. 1
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