tkmaxim Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 So here is a brief outline of my story to show how anything can happen in life.... My ex dumped me 5 months ago. To begin with, I fought for her back. She turned me down for a few weeks. Then things got bad... I sent her love notes, e-mails, text messages etc begging. She ignored it all for around a month. Then I hacked her e-mails and told her about it. Then I sent around another 5 or 6 e-mail essays begging. I was in an awful place emotionally. Eventually, she told me in no uncertain terms to F off, literally begging me to leave her alone and never speak to her again under any circumstance or for any reason. My response was to tell her to F off back. Then I did something grown up. I moved on and I sent her a short genuinely message of apology for everything I had done post break up. And to my suprise, she accepted. We are meeting up in a couple of weeks, just as friends, but from where we were a few weeks ago it's a lot more then I ever could of hoped. My point is, no matter what you do in life and what advice you are given, you just never know how things are gonna turn out. From the Sunshine state, have a great day
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I don't even know where to begin...... Not a good idea in the slightest. For 900 different reasons, don't do it. 5
Dazzee Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 That's a kinda weird story you've got yourself there... Are you hoping for more? It's gonna take even more work if so. Treat her with a lot more respect and care for one, and don't invade her personal email/texts/what ever.... I agree that anything can happen. Some of the strongest relationships come after initially breaking up, learn from every single mistake and never make that mistake again. Good luck to everyone looking to rekindle a broken relationship which includes myself. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 No matter what kind of emotional logic you are using... it's WRONG. This will not end well for you. Stay away!!! No contact starting now and forever. Move on. Find a new one! Seriously! 7
Philosoraptor Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 While I agree that anything is possible; the odds are against a relationship, that failed in the past, flourishing in the future. Maturing does help the chance of a reconciliation, but does not guarantee a success. Just have to go into it knowing that this is a completely different relationship containing two people who have changed in the time apart. 2
reddragon588 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Did she talk about reconciliation in explicit terms? If not, this meeting will lead to more hurt feelings for you. Like me with my ex, you do not appear to be in a position to be just friends with your ex. It is impossible to do so when you still hold romantic feelings for your ex.
Kimmie80 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 These are the stories that I like to read. I am going through a terrible time right now. I was only with him for 2 months, but it was the best 2 months of my life. Due to my insecurities and low self-esteem, I blew it. He walked and its done. He went from extremely happy to hurt due to me. I like to think that anything is possible and that maybe, just maybe, with going NC, he will give me a second chance. As little of a chance that is Good luck!
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 The thing is... This is dangerous thinking. Hanging on tho this hope will drive you mad, and surely delay and corrupt your healing. Although it's a sickening thought, literally, the best thing to do is accept it's over and commit to moving on. And immediately go NC, never looking back. Hardest thing you will probably ever do. But that should tell you something... 2
Simon Phoenix Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Pretty deceptive headline on this thread. 1
templeofmax Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Some of you people are just sooo negative. Some people here also look for hope, and while it is true that NC is the way to go, EVEN when one has hope still, the fact is that MAYBE for him things will work out in the long run. What works for someone does not work for another one. Maybe she is getting your hopes up, but maybe she is real as you. Why should you go NC all the way if he still has hope? I am at 4 months post BU and 2 months NC (on my part) and even I still have hope and plan on contacting her in maybe a couple of months, unless she does it first. I am not counting on that, but I still love her, so what, do I just go NC thinking about her all the time? I already lost her, what else can I lose? My dignity? Not when its been this long. And even if, if I don't try, then what, keep holding onto hope?
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Why so negative? Actually it's just reality. Hanging on is self-inflicted torture. There are so many people on this site who have been down that road and the story is always the same. Of course, anyone is entitled to do whatever they want. It's just that those of us who have been here for a while have seen this movie, and it doesn't have a happy ending. Just trying to give people the benefit of what has already been proven time and time again. Maybe save them so heartache. That's all... 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Some of you people are just sooo negative. Some people here also look for hope, and while it is true that NC is the way to go, EVEN when one has hope still, the fact is that MAYBE for him things will work out in the long run. What works for someone does not work for another one. Maybe she is getting your hopes up, but maybe she is real as you. Why should you go NC all the way if he still has hope? I am at 4 months post BU and 2 months NC (on my part) and even I still have hope and plan on contacting her in maybe a couple of months, unless she does it first. I am not counting on that, but I still love her, so what, do I just go NC thinking about her all the time? I already lost her, what else can I lose? My dignity? Not when its been this long. And even if, if I don't try, then what, keep holding onto hope? It's not negative there hoss, its being realistic. Did we EVER say we went rooting for him? Did we ever say "Man, your way wont work out in the long run"....no. NC isnt some game to play. Its to MAKE YOURSELF BETTER. Its to move on from the hurt and make yourself a better person. Hope is fine to have, but dwelling on it will bury you. Yes...you go NC and you can still think about her. Talking to her and making yourself present in the picture again like that, you will not get her back. I promise on my grandmothers grave that DOESNT work. It wont be only your dignity that will be lost, it will be the precious time you have on this earth and ANY chance of ANY form of life/reconciliation/etc. You contacting your ex only shows her that you still are interested. She broke up with you (presumably since you are on this site), she probably knows 100 percent you want her back if you ever contact her. She is the one who has to initiate the contact, and even then does it hardly EVER mean they want to get back together. Guilty, sympathy, etc are a lot of reasons. The OP seems to be on the upswing, which is great, but he also said he went overboard with notes, e-mails, etc. That pushed her away more.... So he waits, grows (Which you are to do)...and then now they are going to lunch. Again, going to a lunch with an Ex is ok, but I find it hard to believe the OP just wants friendship out of this. Thats why we are saying its a BAD idea to get lunch. Its still pretty fresh, even though 5 months to the OP seems like forever. 've seen the story 1000 times on here and the same result about 1000 times. Every situation is different and not so "black and white", but at the same time, it is. There is a method to the madness 1
newmoon Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 the prince/princess of England were completely broken up for 8 weeks before they reconciled and are now married w/a baby :-) although it's probably different when you're filthy rich and titled.
templeofmax Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 It's not negative there hoss, its being realistic. Did we EVER say we went rooting for him? Did we ever say "Man, your way wont work out in the long run"....no. NC isnt some game to play. Its to MAKE YOURSELF BETTER. Its to move on from the hurt and make yourself a better person. Hope is fine to have, but dwelling on it will bury you. Yes...you go NC and you can still think about her. Talking to her and making yourself present in the picture again like that, you will not get her back. I promise on my grandmothers grave that DOESNT work. It wont be only your dignity that will be lost, it will be the precious time you have on this earth and ANY chance of ANY form of life/reconciliation/etc. You contacting your ex only shows her that you still are interested. She broke up with you (presumably since you are on this site), she probably knows 100 percent you want her back if you ever contact her. She is the one who has to initiate the contact, and even then does it hardly EVER mean they want to get back together. Guilty, sympathy, etc are a lot of reasons. The OP seems to be on the upswing, which is great, but he also said he went overboard with notes, e-mails, etc. That pushed her away more.... So he waits, grows (Which you are to do)...and then now they are going to lunch. Again, going to a lunch with an Ex is ok, but I find it hard to believe the OP just wants friendship out of this. Thats why we are saying its a BAD idea to get lunch. Its still pretty fresh, even though 5 months to the OP seems like forever. 've seen the story 1000 times on here and the same result about 1000 times. Every situation is different and not so "black and white", but at the same time, it is. There is a method to the madness I hear what you are saying and it makes sense. Lunch does seem like too much. And if she said friendship, yes, that is giving him hope of something more. Contacting does not do much, only respect and NC MAY do. 1
Recommended Posts