honeyque Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 OK here's the deal. My boyfriend of almost 2 years isn't spending time with me anymore. I see him only a few times a week at the most and sometimes its only for 5 minutes. He always tells me where he is and what he is doing and I totally trust him. He just shows his friends more attention than me and it kinda stinks. I am totally in love with him and he says he is with me. I just don't understand why he wouldn't want me to be a bigger part of his life. I have talked to him before and it got better for a little while but then it started again. I am not an over baring girlfriend or someone that would want all of his attention because I have my life too. I Just want some attention and to feel like he still loves me. I don't know if i should just let it ride for a while or break it off for a while. I'm still in love with him as much as I always have been and he says his heart hasn't changed but I feel like maybe it has.
BurningBright Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 Ask him what the deal is! State to him what you have just written in your post. Explain how it is making you feel. After that... it's your decision. Do you want to stick with it, possibly put up with this characteristic that you are not liking and hope that it changes. or... Do you want to give the relationship a rest. Allow time for both of you to get grounded again. Get to know what you feel is important in a relationship for you, and decide what you want. Is this just an annoying act that you can put up with... or is it something a little deeper? If it's hurting you, and it is not something you feel you deserve then confront him, and choose the best course of action FOR YOU!! I know it's tough when you love someone... but if he loves you back then he should be willing to change this, and have you in his life more. ~BurningBright
Merin Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 The two of you have been together for awhile.. and as much as it sucks, it isn't uncommon to get into that "comfortable" place with your partner and begin to take for granted that they are there. Talk to him about this without nagging or blaming.. tell him that you're crazy about him and you miss spending time with him. Try to compromise here.. possible to set up a day that belongs to just the two of you when you can count on being alone and catching up? I don't believe you really want to end the relationship... you seem to really care a lot about this guy.. so before you call for a break.. try to talk again and express that you miss him and want to be a bigger part of his life.
DJ_Dork Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 Alright, this is coming from a dude's perspective. He is taking you for granted, us guys are like that. It doesn't mean that we care less about losing you or anything. You have two routes: 1st route: Do the disappear act and see how he reacts. Please note this is a mind game and girls usually play this game to seek interest and see how he reacts. This can be a good or negative depending on how far you are willing to play. 2nd route: You should setup dates for him, plan stuff for him, pay for stuff for him. Reverse the roles. You women assume we guys take you for advantage. How is that so? Because of your body, that's a poor excuse. We pay for dates and gifts and you return us with.. your vagina? If you want to be appreciated how about you doing the work for us. I don't know you so if you have been the ideal girlfriend and helping pay/setup dates then you're good.
bluechocolate Posted November 8, 2004 Posted November 8, 2004 The Dork has a good point. You say that you have "talked" to him before & it gets better for a time. Do these talks consist of only him having to change his behaviour? Is there something that you could also be doing differently that will bring about the changes you're looking for? Relationships take work & even more so when you've been together for a while because as Merin mentioned, people get to that "comfortable" place with someone & forget about the time & effort it can require to keep two people active & interested in each other. I don't think there is anything wrong with being prescriptive about stuff like this - if you want to spend more time together then organise it. Agree on X or Y night, make a reservation somewhere, buy the tickets to a show or go out & get the videos & comfort food for a great night in alone. We make arrangements to see our friends, we should do the same with our partners.
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