TaintedLuv Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 For those of you that don't remember my story, my MM of five+ years told me he was having a baby a number of months ago. I admit after I regained "consciousness" after that knockout confession left his mouth, I was weak and although I attempted to NC for good, we continued on and off this past year. Things have changed now though as I've felt this sense of impending doom approaching as her due date is now weeks away. I feel so dumb and betrayed that I let this man that supposedly loved me, tear me down. It's only the first few days of NC but I know there's no turning back. My question is how can I move forward and release these images of him from my mind. I keep replaying everything and questioning myself. How did this happen? I know I'm to blame for playing with fire but I truly believed this man loved me and would be with me for real. I just feel numb and I'm scared that I can't work past this. I'm trying to forgive myself for being so stupid and giving this man that stabbed me in the back everything but I just feel nothing- emptiness. This is affecting my daily life. My family has shown concern that my behavior has been off and they're worried. I don't know how to snap out of it. All I can focus on is what he gave his W that he took away from me and how he gets away with murder to live happily ever after and I just sit here rotting away...
whichwayisup Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Start googling how to get over someone you love, there are great sites to help you and blogs of others. Can learn through them. Grieving is grieving and letting go is letting go no matter what type of pain one is in, could be affair ending, marriage ending or a death, loss of a friendship, death of a pet. Do yourself a favour, stop beating up on yourself as that serves NO purpose at all. All it does is make you feel worse. Now is the time to be good to yourself because you're feeling crappy enough as it is. Nothing you could have done or said would prevent this outcome, so I hope you're able to accept and make peace with this all some day soon. life is short and once you realize that it is what it is, you won't want to waste your precious tears, heart and energy on someone who truly isn't worth it. Hope this helps. 2
Author TaintedLuv Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 It just takes lots of time. Try to develope a new interest/hobby, new friendships, etc One thing that is so valuable is writing about your story. For one it is cathartic for yourself, and for 2 it is so important to warn naive young women about getting into these relationships. You see posts on here every few days about some unsuspecting young Woman who is developing an attraction for a MM. Storeis like yours are a great learning tool. Maybe start an anonymous blog. I have learned so much about thhis A bull**** for blogs and this forum, and it is so helpful to others in similar situations. Im so sorry you are hurting. Stay strong and dont contact him. Each time you do will reset the clock to ground zero. I always thought we were different than the rest but after reading this forum, I see just how stupid I was believing that our feelings were mutual. This is the textbook outcome. Start googling how to get over someone you love, there are great sites to help you and blogs of others. Can learn through them. Grieving is grieving and letting go is letting go no matter what type of pain one is in, could be affair ending, marriage ending or a death, loss of a friendship, death of a pet. Do yourself a favour, stop beating up on yourself as that serves NO purpose at all. All it does is make you feel worse. Now is the time to be good to yourself because you're feeling crappy enough as it is. Nothing you could have done or said would prevent this outcome, so I hope you're able to accept and make peace with this all some day soon. life is short and once you realize that it is what it is, you won't want to waste your precious tears, heart and energy on someone who truly isn't worth it. Hope this helps. I feel like maybe if I didnt sit back and allow him the space and time to do the right thing, things would be different. Instead he had me and didnt bother with his marriage in a sense. It's hard to find closure when it's this type of relationship. It's not like I want to be without him. Now I have no choice. It's so hard. The worst part is he doesn't want me to leave him alone. He swears he loves me. I can't even trust what I believe anymore.
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