smile Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 Ok so talking on the phone with my ex is wonderful. Lately it has been amazing. I just wonder if I am not listenining hard enough. Like hours or days after we have talked I start thinking of things he has said and wonder what they meant. For instance, he started singing a song from one of my favorite movies.. just out of the blue. So I sang along with him and then asked how he knew that song. He said he had just seen that movie a couple of weeks ago. I thought wow thats cool.. but I always forced him to watch musicals.. so I was intially like wow so who is forcing you to watch them now.. but I wonder maybe he watched it because he missed me. I have watched a few movies he always wanted me to since we have broken up.. made me feel close to him. The he said something about messing around or whatever. So I , half joking, said he could come over ravage me then disappear into the dark of night. He said that he would leave too much sadness in his wake. So I said wow someone has an ego. But he said no you have it all wrong . No ego. He said HE is the one who would be sad. I asked what that meant and he said nothing. So I said he didnt have to answer but I was going to get off the comp and go to bed. He called me 5 minutes later and we talked for 2 hours. Soooo... guys do those little things mean something? Or is he just feeling comfortable being my friend?
lostNconfusedx10 Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 as for the song he was singing. If it is from a movie that you always wanted him to watch and now he is then it sounds pretty good. Either the situation you came up with or he's telling you he'd do things now that you like that he wouldnt before. As far as that sadness issue, it sounds like you have this guy in a prime position. Sounded like he was just saying "it would be great to mess around but my hopes would go up too much and i dont want to be let down afterwards." Kind of a pity cry which could be great if thats what you're looking for.
UnicornGirl Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 Sounds promising to me. I had a long talk with my ex tonight for the first time in many weeks. And basically I saw that he is afraid to come back to me. I said I wanted to be with him, I miss him, but he said "I don't think that's going to work out, we have our own lives and our own schoolwork and we are in separate places now." (Read: He was trying to rationalize his fears and create blocks to us being together.) He asked why I thought the same issues wouldn't come up if we were dating again, and I finally told him I have been going to a counselor to work on the issues. I told him I love him and told him what he meant to me. I told him no matter what he is still the most wonderful person to me, and that I was so lucky to find him. And that I want to be with him, I want to be the one to make him happy. I said if he didn't want to be with me that was OK, because I want him to be happy most of all. I would say the time will come when you need to say something like this to your ex. He needs to know that you love him and that you are there for him no matter what. It may not make him come back to you as quickly as you would like, but it will establish that you are still interested and that you love him unconditionally. Which is all any of us want -- someone to be there for us, someone who loves us and cares for us for the rest of our lives, no matter what happens.
Author smile Posted November 7, 2004 Author Posted November 7, 2004 I have told him very often that I still love him. We had talks before about how I think if we had worked on things we couldve gotten through it. I have said that if we can still talk and be friends now after everything we said and did to eachother then that must mean something. I wrote him a looong email when I decided to start the NC thing. I told him that I was in love with him and I always would be but for the time being it was too hard to be around. I have constantly said to him I will hang around and be his friend as long as I can but I will be in love with him for as long as I live. But are you saying I need to say it again? I think so too but I still dont think the time is right. It feels like things are moving along as they should. We sorta jumped right into this relationship and from day one to the last day the most we spent apart was the week and a half he was on tour when we broke up. I am enjoying this chance to get to know him again. This flirty uncertain thing we never had before. Oh yeh I should add something. He has been gone for 5 days and I was thinking of txting him and asking how the book was. Well my roomate took my phone on accident! So from 5- 11pm I didnt have my phone. She came home and we had a big laugh and wouldnt you know it? There was a missed call from him. He called and said he enjoyed the book and thanked me again.. then he said I could call him back. About 5 minutes later he txtd me a msg saying he was bored. Soooo 5 hours later I got the msgs. I txtd him back.. a brief glad you liked the book.. hope you are having a good time.. goodnight kinda msg. It just made me smile that the same time I was thinking of him he was thinking of me And that he bothered to call and then to txt so soon after.
UnicornGirl Posted November 7, 2004 Posted November 7, 2004 Originally posted by smile I have told him very often that I still love him. We had talks before about how I think if we had worked on things we couldve gotten through it. I have said that if we can still talk and be friends now after everything we said and did to eachother then that must mean something. But are you saying I need to say it again? I think so too but I still dont think the time is right. It feels like things are moving along as they should. We sorta jumped right into this relationship and from day one to the last day the most we spent apart was the week and a half he was on tour when we broke up. I am enjoying this chance to get to know him again. This flirty uncertain thing we never had before. It just made me smile that the same time I was thinking of him he was thinking of me And that he bothered to call and then to txt so soon after. OK, I didn't realize. You don't have to keep reminding him that you love him, I agree that now may not be the right time. Now, I think you should just keep on going with what you have and be there for him. Try to apply the Mars/Venus principles to the situations you find yourself in with him. Actively show him you trust him, admire him, all of those things outlined in the book. You're in a great situation to apply what you've learned during the breakup. It sounds like things are going so wonderfully! I'm so happy for you. He's really giving you a chance, and that is something so many of us hope for. My guy admitted last night that he feels we failed, and our emotional bond was corrupted, and that though it hurts, it was the best thing he could have done to leave me, even though he felt bad because he promised he never would. But what's going on with you and your ex gives me inspiration, and hopefully I can show him the light and that what he's said isn't true! Good luck!
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