Waynester Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I have been with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years, but the last year has been hard due to her job searching. Finally that has been resolved, & she has moved 90 minutes away to be closer to her job. I have been getting more & more anxious about us though. My girlfriend used to be very loving in her actions & words. Emails 'always' had love smiley faces & 15+ kisses. I know its silly but i have noticed these little things have changed. Emails/texts shorter, no love smiley faces & maybe only 6 kisses (xxxxxx) maximum. I decided a couple of weeks ago to ask if there was a problem, does she still want me, see a future with me? She said yes, but her feelings are just cooler than mine right now. She admitted she just did not feel the same deep love feeling..at the moment, but will try harder. Well..not much has changed & wondering what she is thinking or feeling is stressing me out. Its nearly always me who texts or emails 1st, so sometimes I try & do nc.. but I always fold & text in the end. I have bought her gifts, wrote her a poem..but still its the same. It got to much for me last week & I suggested separating for a period time, or...if she really did not want me, then maybe to part permanently! But..she didn't take the option & said she will try harder. But..nothing changes. Shes still really distant. Her emails & texts just the same. I don't know what to think. It hurts knowing she doesn't feel the same anymore, but why has she not walked away...especially after giving her opportunities to do so?? Any ideas or thoughts?
Faith13/2 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I believe she still cares for you and that's why she has not yet walked away. I can understand that relapsing on sending messages first is a very easy thing to do, but you must be stronger than that. I think it would be a good idea to give her less attention, let her come to you. The more you distant yourself the more she may want to get your attention again. But also understand that this could backfire completely, and you guys may practically lose touch with one and another worse off than now. A relationship will never work when it becomes one sided, and someone can say they "will try" a million times over, but without that action nothing will change. I know this is difficult and nonetheless it does/and will hurt I'm sure. You need to make sure your getting as much attention as your giving. At the same time, you did say she started a new job and has moved, that in itself may be a tad stressful for her and that may be causing this "distant" feeling. But if you hadn't said she mentioned her deep love not being there anymore I would say that was the issue. I wish you luck, but for your own sake don't press yourself when you're receiving a lack in return. Good Luck! 1
Author Waynester Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 Thank you Faith.. i am scared to lose her, and I know I am over compensating for what is missing. I love her very much. I was in a 12 year relationship, 8 of those were married. My ex-wife cheated on me.. treated me very badly with 'other things' as well. I spent 18 months on my own.. getting to know me. Learning to like myself & be on my own, but then ***** came along, a n d wow! She stole my heart, in fact she still has it. If she left, and we were done..I would not get it back..complete. Thank you again for your words & opinion.. it helps me.
Faith13/2 Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Completely understandable, just take it slow. Nothing great comes easy, and as hard as it may be, there are somethings/people in this world who are worth the extra effort and fight. Follow your heart at all cost, and keep your head up no matter the outcome. Wish you nothing, but the best 1
jphcbpa Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Easier said than done, but do not cling (either by being needy or running...yes we can cling by running believe it or not..the whole "I'll show her" mentality). You DO NOT need her validation. You are loveable just as you are with or without her. Let the R breath and do not smoother it. Stop asking her about "how she feels" and stop talking about the future. Just be you, happy, fun and free. Your happiness is not predicated on the outcome of this R. Give her the gift of missing you. Mirror her actions, but yet be yourself. If you text her good morning...keep doing those things, but mirror her responses to texts and emails ect. When you have time with her, make it fun. Make it quality time...real quality. Think back to those 18 months where you were single, taking care of you, getting to know you, perhaps meeting yourself for the very first time....reflect on that time and perhaps revisit some of the actions you took to get in that space emotionally, physically, spiritually ect. In the end you are powerless to control her. You have no power over what she does or does not do. You cannot control how she thinks or feels. Let go of trying to and just focus on yourself, your thoughts, your actions. That is all that matters. 1
Author Waynester Posted August 19, 2013 Author Posted August 19, 2013 Thank you.. your advice is eerily similar to what my friends & parents also suggested. it is soo difficult though. I tried nc on Thursday night & all Friday & recieved a text finally from **** asking if everything was ok. I was happy with this as it was nice to get a text without instigating one first! Thanks again all. I dont know where this relationship is ultimately going, I know I am in it for keeps, but I'm not so sure about my partner. I hope so.. so much. 1
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