I start my new life today. I'm scared, hurt, and lost.

[Ireallydontknow]

I finally collected all my stuff the other day. I was just going to abandon everything but I had my documentation there and needed it. She told her dad to tell me to just "get my stuff and leave." This is as she hopped into the car with her new boyfriend to drive her to therapy. He is already running her errands for her, I wonder how long he will do that? I put up with helping an ingrate for 5 years...

 

Speaking of which. I saw through mutual friends that she set her relationship to the guy she cheated on me with. It's been 4 days since we broke up...she said she wanted to be single so bad. Last night was hard it was the first time I slept in a bed since a week ago. I kept waking up and trying to reach for her to cuddle. It left me feeling so empty. It left me sitting there thinking about how someone else is cuddling her now, and she just moved on like that.

 

I'm about to finally leave this state to a place that doesn't have as much memories. I'm getting done with my morning cry and I'm trying to be strong. She cheated on me, she degraded me, humiliated me, used me, and tossed me aside as soon as things got "tough."

 

I did start picturing myself being able to love up on another girl. I feel so bad, I feel like my ex was the most beautiful girl I'd ever get. She had everything I like in a girls physical appearance. I think my low self esteem left me dealing with her crap because I had the mentality of "best I'm going to get."

 

I'm rambling. I just need some kind words and encouragement. I could use a hug. Luckily my mom is here and it's just nice to hold on to someone and cry, hard. Thank you everyone, good luck on your journey. Mine is just about to really begin...

[Legatus]

Unfortunately it seems like she checked out of the relationship before you officially broke up. She had someone else waiting for her and by simple calculation (he's new and other factors) she chose to be with him.

 

Cheating is one of the worst things that can happen, but it's done. it's good you picked up your things, you don't have to have any contact with her and make sure you stick to it, in case she sends you some breadcrumbs.

 

I can relate to your situation more than a bit, so treat me like yourself from the future. I am over three months from that moment and life is wonderful. Just make few rules that you will keep, for example:

 

1. You won't respond to any contact, may she do it

2. In three weeks you will make sure you started making some changes to your life

3. You stop dwelling in the past and thinking about the present

 

 

such goals can very often help you get over things and people.

 

Don't think about other women. Now is not the time. You will get back out there and meet someone new, who will eventually be trustworthy

[Ireallydontknow]

Well right now I am having problems coping with certain aspects. Most of them seem really shallow when I typed them out. I actually deleted my thoughts. I'm not sure...I'll be entering therapy soon, there is some obvious void in myself I used her to fill.

 

I believe she checked out long ago. She tried to run off with this guy last year and then didn't talk to him for the rest of the year. He comes back into her life and it's "boom." I think he messaged her because he was newly single. I'm wondering how long this will last. I wonder if she misses me, if she is hurting(she claims to, and was very sad I chose not to be friends with her.) I know I shouldn't worry but I spent the last 5 years protecting her, and worrying about her.

 

I don't feel like in 3 months I'll be moved on. Sometimes I think about my positive changes as something I could use to get her back. WHY? Why would I want someone like that back in my life? I need help >< On a professional level...

[Apparition]

Ah, mate. I am so sorry. : (

 

I have read a couple of your threads and I can feel your pain just by reading them. I understand what you're going through, and I am most certain others that read this will, also. The pain feels unbearable and you just want to crawl under a rock until it has disappeared. It sucks, I know. There aren't really words to describe it but I believe everything happens for a reason. This girl treated you like dirt and it is HER loss. You may compare every woman at the moment to your ex and think they aren't good enough, but it is only natural. We all did it at some point. I can tell you right now that a few months from now you will look back on this and think the best thing to ever happen to you was her leaving you.

 

I was cheated on in the past, I honestly believe I dated the devil. She is a little similar to your ex with the way she treated you. However, the worse thing my ex did to me was try get back with her ex on the day of my grandfathers funeral. While I was at his funeral, she was in bed with her ex watching movies and snuggling up to him. It doesn't even hurt me now when I talk about it, I feel nothing and I do not love her, I was blind and it was a mistake that I had to go through in order to learn and grow. Your journey has already started. It started the day you were born and she is just an object blocking your pathway which has now disappeared so you can continue your journey. The best thing ever that happened to me was my ex leaving me in the end, I eventually grew hate for her after some time when she left me and I grew hate for just women in general because I started to believe all women were like this (I had ex's before her who cheated on me or treated me badly) but I soon learned that was not the case, I met a gorgeous woman almost a year later and I fell for her hard. Just before I got with this woman, my ex was still trying to contact me and she was with another man who is a pothead (she is now also), and she was sending me sexual messages, trying to get me to meet up with her so we could have sex because her "new man" didn't quite cut it in that department, she told me she missed me and missed the way I treated her because she felt like she was actually loved and she told me she still loves me and always will. I ignored every single one of her messages like she did mine when she dumped me, and I didn't and still don't feel anything towards her. No hatred, no love, no emotion whatsoever. I do hope she is happy now and with someone but I don't care if she is or isn't. You will soon be saying the same thing. Trust me on that.

 

The trouble with break-ups are that when you are searching online for "how to get over your ex", people give you words that you can listen to but you cannot do anything with them. It will not magically make you feel better, it might possibly make you feel worse in a way. But those words are only helpful for our ears and eyes, they are not helpful for our minds and hearts. Your mind will still be consumed with thoughts of your ex. I don't know about you, but I couldn't focus on a damn thing when I was dumped, my heart ached and my mind was going insane. It was difficult to focus on anything, I had to take a lot of time off work. The worst thing I did was stay in bed and kept checking my phone and then checking her Facebook. DO NOT DO THIS! It's the worst thing you can ever do.

 

Block her, block every site she is on or deactivate your Facebook and talk to the people you want to talk to through texts or something. Fill your day up by forcing yourself to go out and hang with friends or go out yourself for a walk or a jog. Also , if you plan on staying home and watching television you might find that there is nothing but romantic movies on or shows or music that is all about love (that drove me insane and I couldn't stand it) , what helped me was putting on French movies, I have developed a love for them especially ones about romance/affairs. They are VERY realistic compared to British/American movies about love. Usually British/American movies end with happiness but the French movies I watched end up being about heart break or just something that isn't such a happy ending. So watch French movies! : )

 

If you need someone to talk to , feel free to send me a message.

 

Good luck to you, mate.

[JDPT]

I can honestly resonate to your situation as mine was very similar. For four years I was my ex's pillar, therapist, life coach, financial support and shoulder she could cry on 24/7. She was going through a rough divorce and I was there for her every step of the way. I paid for all expenses to the new house I found for her and now she lives in. I was once told that I was the "vehicle" she needed to accomplish her objectives and that is so true. I felt/feel used, in retrospect I was simply a vehicle so I asked myself, she appeared to be so genuine with her actions, demeanor, love for me but I guess it was all a façade. I never knew the feeling of being used but thanks to her now I do. You were there for her 100% and sadly she was not, this shows that you were the better person in this relationship and take it as a learning experience and make it work in your favor. Be strong as the worst is yet to come. You may have or will have tons of questions that honestly you will not find answers for. And don't attempt to rationalize the irrational but rather focus on yourself and the many things you will like to accomplish as you are now a free agent. This is the beginning of a new chapter in your life, make it a good one.