Rose Auxerrois Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I'm not exactly sure how I feel about my parents, to be honest. I'm still working on it. In the 'Do you love your spouse or kids most?' thread a poster stated that we love our parents unconditionally. Do you? No. I cannot love without condition.
tbf Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I guess if they stopped loving me or my kids then possibly but it's such a hypothetical situation that I can't wrap my head around it. I don't like thinking in abstracts or what could be when I know that it will never happen. If they were to get abusive suddenly then I'd think they were having some pschological problem and no, I wouldn't stop loving them just because they developed an imbalance.But unconditional love is an abstract concept since it encompasses all situations, whether positive or negative. 1
amaysngrace Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 But unconditional love is an abstract concept since it encompasses all situations, whether positive or negative. Love is a choice. Acceptance plays a part...
tbf Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Love is a choice. Acceptance plays a part...Unconditional love is not a choice. It's loving people under any condition. Your perspective adds caveats to unconditional love which then negates the unconditional quality of it. I don't doubt that you would love your parents under certain adverse conditions. But if they were to be abusive to your children or yourself for extended lengths of time, I do doubt that you would continue to love them, particularly if they're abusive to your children. I sincerely question the nature of unconditional love. Even when it comes to mothers. There is an expectation of the return of love to some extent, at least when it comes to children that have exceeded the infant or toddler stage.
amaysngrace Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Unconditional love is not a choice. It's loving people under any condition. Your perspective adds caveats to unconditional love which then negates the unconditional quality of it. I don't doubt that you would love your parents under certain adverse conditions. But if they were to be abusive to your children or yourself for extended lengths of time, I do doubt that you would continue to love them, particularly if they're abusive to your children. I sincerely question the nature of unconditional love. Even when it comes to mothers. There is an expectation of the return of love to some extent, at least when it comes to children that have exceeded the infant or toddler stage. Unconditional love is a choice too. Worse case scenario...one of my sons grow up to be a rapist. They could even rape me as disturbing as that seems. I can tell you that I would hate the act but I'd still love my son. Love is choice. I think unless you agree with that we can just go back and forth all day.
tbf Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Unconditional love is a choice too. Worse case scenario...one of my sons grow up to be a rapist. They could even rape me as disturbing as that seems. I can tell you that I would hate the act but I'd still love my son. Love is choice. I think unless you agree with that we can just go back and forth all day.So if you watched your son torture or murder your parents while sane, you'd still love him? Don't tell me that only insane people torture and murder, because that would be blatantly untrue.
amaysngrace Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 So if you watched your son torture or murder your parents while sane, you'd still love him? Don't tell me that only insane people torture and murder, because that would be blatantly untrue. I would be angry with him yes. I'd be upset as well but I'd probably forgive him because I love him. My parents and my children aren't perfect. Who is? But even if I despise what they do, it wouldn't stop me from loving them because they did something I didn't like. No matter what. The bond is too deep.
sweetjasmine Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I don't think I'd call it "unconditional love," but there is something to be said for a strong connection. If one of my parents turned abusive towards me or any children I had, I'd certainly cut them out and be angry. But I'd also be extremely sad and disappointed that they had turned out that way and I would wish that things had been different. It would be difficult for me to accept that it had happened and that my parent had become that way. It would hurt like hell. If a friend or boyfriend turned abusive, I'd have a much easier time of cutting them out and writing them off forever. I don't think it would haunt me the way that a parent being abusive would.
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I don't know really... I've never believed in unconditional love, and I'm not sure it's something I feel for my father (we had a break of a few years where we had no contact and now he's more like a friend than a dad... so maybe that's why?) although I loved my mum unconditionally in a sense. She caused me a lot of pain through drinking and destroying herself but she was never hurtful towards me or nasty towards me, and she was such a loving and giving and strong person that nothing she ever did in her alcoholism stopped me from loving her fiercely... I had to distance myself a little at times, though. She died when I was 22 (2.5 years ago) and every month that passes shows me just how much more I love her and feel grateful for everything she gave me. But my brother, unfortunately I do love him unconditionally. He's a bastard. He's a racist and violent sociopath (genuinely) with a criminal record, no empathy, no ability to apologise, and treated me like absolute **** at the time in my life I needed him the most. But I still loved him so much it hurt, while feeling like I hated him. Even when he was a cunt to me and I was in shock at how he was treating me I still knew that if he was in trouble I'd drop everything to be there for him. I will always love him to death, even though I do not like him or trust him at all. Maybe it's 'cos he's my big brother, maybe it's because he's the only other person who knows what it's like to have my mum as a mum... and due to what we went through as siblings when she died. I just don't know.
saveamale Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 I think i was that poster My love for my parents is absolutely unconditional. I love them so much that it hurts. My father is my hero. My mom is my inspiration. No matter what they do i would love always love them. I love my brother unconditionally too. My love for them is instant. It needs no conditions. I simply love. I would take 100 bullets for them if i have to. Even if they abuse me , beat me or do something bad with me etc etc , i would be disappointed and probably never talk to them again but my Love would never fade I am not with them these days and god knows how much i miss them. They are my everything.
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