jesse93 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I have ran into a problem, I broke up with my ex about 2 and a half weeks ago.. and at the end she said she wanted to stay friends I told her that I wasn't comfortable being her friend while i still had feelings for her, but then a friend of mine called me one night and told me she missed me and wanted me to text her, so me being the dumb ass I am, I thought I would have a chance to win her back I texted her, she replied 2 days later and since then we've been talking on a regular basis.. This is what I was trying to avoid, the friendship. So, when she doesn't message me I do fine, like recently I went 4 days without talking to her at all.. and then that night she messaged me.. and I can't find the strength inside so I always end up responding, don't get me wrong part of me enjoys talking to her because it feels good to still have her in my life.. but on the other hand I hate it, because I still love her, and talking to her as a friend only is hard when I still have all these feelings for her. I've tried many times to tell her that I can't talk to her anymore, because I need to heal on my own and being my friend is only setting me back more and more, but I just cant find the balls to say that to her I've wrote out a message but I just can't send it. She cares for me, and likes to know how my life is going along because I was in a depression for the longest time, and I've started going to the gym and I just got a confirmed date to when I'm going to see a counselor, but I feel like I'm only setting myself back by talking to her I just can't find the strength inside to get rid of her from my life completely part of me wants to keep her in my life as long as I can but I know it will only hurt me more in the end... Does anyone have any advice on how I can over come this? I think I'm just scared of letting go of her completely because I'll end up regretting it :/
aspiringuitarheroine Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I have ran into a problem, I broke up with my ex about 2 and a half weeks ago.. and at the end she said she wanted to stay friends I told her that I wasn't comfortable being her friend while i still had feelings for her, but then a friend of mine called me one night and told me she missed me and wanted me to text her, so me being the dumb ass I am, I thought I would have a chance to win her back I texted her, she replied 2 days later and since then we've been talking on a regular basis.. This is what I was trying to avoid, the friendship. So, when she doesn't message me I do fine, like recently I went 4 days without talking to her at all.. and then that night she messaged me.. and I can't find the strength inside so I always end up responding, don't get me wrong part of me enjoys talking to her because it feels good to still have her in my life.. but on the other hand I hate it, because I still love her, and talking to her as a friend only is hard when I still have all these feelings for her. I've tried many times to tell her that I can't talk to her anymore, because I need to heal on my own and being my friend is only setting me back more and more, but I just cant find the balls to say that to her I've wrote out a message but I just can't send it. She cares for me, and likes to know how my life is going along because I was in a depression for the longest time, and I've started going to the gym and I just got a confirmed date to when I'm going to see a counselor, but I feel like I'm only setting myself back by talking to her I just can't find the strength inside to get rid of her from my life completely part of me wants to keep her in my life as long as I can but I know it will only hurt me more in the end... Does anyone have any advice on how I can over come this? I think I'm just scared of letting go of her completely because I'll end up regretting it :/ I don't have any advice that you haven't heard already. You have a choice to make. 1
twixed Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 Good luck Jesse93. Let us know what the counselor says about it? Why did you break it off in the first place? If its something that can't be helped, then you'll probably need to go no contact again. She's lonely because she needs something to fill that void, as you do too. Good luck.
Author jesse93 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 Good luck Jesse93. Let us know what the counselor says about it? Why did you break it off in the first place? If its something that can't be helped, then you'll probably need to go no contact again. She's lonely because she needs something to fill that void, as you do too. Good luck. She broke it off with me, she told me that it was never meant to work between us, a lot of her friends were telling her to break it off with me, I'm not really sure why, I don't know if it can be helped though she told me about 2 weeks ago when we had a serious talk that there was a possibility of us getting back together, but it doesn't seem that way I think she truly wants to get over this and move on, I just have to find the strength inside to move on also it's hard because part of me wants to fight for her, but I don't think that's possible. I will let you know how the counselor session goes, I am not seeing him until the 22nd though, I just hope I can find the strength to say a final goodbye because being friends isn't something i really want right now. 1
sm4284 Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 I'm in a situation almost exactly lile this. I hadn't heard from my ex all day and I was doing great actually getting over her. Its when I get a text from her that I cant for any reason just leave it alone. And I know thay if I do this she will be suffering to becaude she will think nonstop as to why you aren't texting her. Just occupy yourself with something and definitely talk to a girl or two even as just friends. This kind of companionship with a girl will raise you self confidence too. Have someone to talk to as well. Stay strong and maybe in the future you can be friends but only when you get over the pain. I'm in the same boat right now hopefully things will work for both of us. 1
HumptyDumpty Posted August 15, 2013 Posted August 15, 2013 and talking to her as a friend only is hard when I still have all these feelings for her You're really into texting her? Text her this! She probably already knows this but doesn't respect it, does she? You need to tell her this! And then cut contact! Because if you continue, it'll only get worse! You're not ready to only be friends with her since she has moved on faster than you it seems! This is for her = comfortably passing time and you = stabbing yourself over and over with a blunt knife! If a text seems impossible, do it with a letter, smoke messages, not so anonymous newspaper-cut-out messages... or whatever makes you feel better! But you need to tell it. 2
Author jesse93 Posted August 15, 2013 Author Posted August 15, 2013 You're really into texting her? Text her this! She probably already knows this but doesn't respect it, does she? You need to tell her this! And then cut contact! Because if you continue, it'll only get worse! You're not ready to only be friends with her since she has moved on faster than you it seems! This is for her = comfortably passing time and you = stabbing yourself over and over with a blunt knife! If a text seems impossible, do it with a letter, smoke messages, not so anonymous newspaper-cut-out messages... or whatever makes you feel better! But you need to tell it. You're right, all I'm doing is stabbing myself with a blunt knife, I'm pretty sure she still has feelings for me, but that doesn't matter to me anymore I need to realize that either way its over and I'm holding onto false hope. Thank you for the your advice I appreciate it. @sm4284 I'm glad I'm not the only one having trouble with this, and you're correct every time she texts me I always think about just leaving it there and not bother replying, but then i feel guilty. I will definitely try this next time she messages me though, I can't promise I'll be successful but I guess right when she texts me I should just find something to distract myself so I don't respond, at least not immediately. it'll be nice to feel like I have control of this situation.
Author jesse93 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 Well everyone I've decided to let her know that we can't continue to be friends until I heal enough and then if she still wants to be friends, we can try again then. I was going to tell her tonight, but I didn't want to say goodbye and then be unable to sleep because I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I'm not sure on what exactly I should say, so if any of you have an idea of what I should say or how I should go at this I would appreciate it, should I just be straight to the point "Hey, I don't think we should continue talking while I still have feelings for you" or should I add more emotion into it? Not really sure how I should go at this, if anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I suppose there is no way to go at this and it will turn out perfectly fine but I'd like to leave on a good note if possible. Thanks for all the advice.
beyond Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Well everyone I've decided to let her know that we can't continue to be friends until I heal enough and then if she still wants to be friends, we can try again then. I was going to tell her tonight, but I didn't want to say goodbye and then be unable to sleep because I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I'm not sure on what exactly I should say, so if any of you have an idea of what I should say or how I should go at this I would appreciate it, should I just be straight to the point "Hey, I don't think we should continue talking while I still have feelings for you" or should I add more emotion into it? Not really sure how I should go at this, if anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I suppose there is no way to go at this and it will turn out perfectly fine but I'd like to leave on a good note if possible. Thanks for all the advice. That's fine what you have chosen to say. No, don't add more emotion, it is honest and to the point, and emotional enough - saying you still have feelings for someone IS emotional! Jesse, sending that will be the easy part - the hardest part will be sticking to it and ignoring any further conversation she may try to engage you in. You have already said this to her when you first broke up and ended up talking to her again, so she would have every reason to believe you will relent again. Dont! 1
HumptyDumpty Posted August 16, 2013 Posted August 16, 2013 Yep, there is no soft cotton to make it nicer! You write her a text in the "listen, I've been thinking lately and I'm just not ready pursuing this friendship with you since I still have feelings! Maybe down the line we can friends, in the meanwhile I'd prefer to cease any contact" style! There are no emotions to put in, stay focused, not any "you're such a great person" blabla! As the poster above wrote correctly, it's not the text that is hard but keeping NC! That what's hard! I guess everyone broke NC after a short time, I did after 2 weeks for my first NC! But if you don't, you'll end up like me last year, pining and hurting! The longest NC I did now was 6 months! Even after there were times of several weeks NC! It gave me the possibility to distance myself from all the burden and false hope I had! I no longer have the urge to contact him! I could very well continue NC forever! When you've been through your personal detox, you can decide again if you want to cease NC! I'm in contact again, but I'm reminding myself what went wrong and what will never work out without any changes! I don't things personally anymore he might be saying or over-analyzing actions since it's over! So, you need to understand that NC is for your good, it will not push her away if one day it's destined to be! It's more like a holiday for your mind! Once you sent her this text, find something to fill that void! Go out and buy the instrument you always wanted to learn! Take up this fancy sporty-thingy-course you've been interested in! You want an animal, save one, there are so many poor souls waiting to be loved... In any case, her texts won't make you a happier person, on the contrary! This all being said by me and the other posters.... good luck! Just do it, jump into the cold water! 1
Author jesse93 Posted August 16, 2013 Author Posted August 16, 2013 That's fine what you have chosen to say. No, don't add more emotion, it is honest and to the point, and emotional enough - saying you still have feelings for someone IS emotional! Jesse, sending that will be the easy part - the hardest part will be sticking to it and ignoring any further conversation she may try to engage you in. You have already said this to her when you first broke up and ended up talking to her again, so she would have every reason to believe you will relent again. Dont! Thanks for your advice, you are very right and I'm glad you said this because I was thinking a lot about whether to show emotion or not, and this makes me realize why I shouldn't and you're right about the bolded when I reached out to her she told me "I knew you would reach out to me eventually" I really want to find the strength in myself to stop talking to her for good I feel weak minded when it comes to her though, I always end up coming back crawling on my hands and knees, but I want to find the strength in myself to stop talking to her for good, I want to prove to her and myself that I can do this and I won't always come crawling back. I hope I can do this, I'll let you all know how it works out after I tell her I'm expecting her to just say "thats fine", but we'll see when it comes.
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